Posted on 03/16/2005 3:28:28 AM PST by MississippiMasterpiece
The high percentage of marriages that end in divorce has created a new trend; many men are planning financially for their divorce before they even get married.
A recent survey conducted by the Indiana Family Institute (IFI) found that 79% of men who are engaged to be married worry that their marriage will end in divorce and they will be ruined financially. As a result, more than half of these men admitted to setting up secret nest eggs in case their fears become reality.
“Some people believe this is the height of pessimism, but to me it makes perfect sense,” says Dr. Phillip Haus, director of the study, “Many of these men are professionals who have worked hard for their success and don’t want to start from scratch if the woman they marry turns out to be a total witch to live with.”
Haus says the most common way engaged men plan for the worst is by setting up a savings account in the name of a relative they trust who has had a long, sound marriage so their funds will be safe. This way once the joint assets are divided after a divorce, they will have a little something extra to fall back on.
“Let’s face it,” added Haus, “The man is the one who almost always get screwed over when a divorce occurs. Even though he usually made more money than the woman in the marriage, he loses the house, and ends up paying child support since the woman will get custody of their offspring. This new trend just provides him with a little insurance so he can enjoy a decent standard of living.”
Some men go to even greater lengths to secure their futures. “We had a few cases where engaged men told us they gave a good portion of their belongings to friends or relatives for safe keeping. One man admitted buying a house in his gay cousin’s name so he would have a place to live if things didn’t work out. This shows the sad state of relationships and the impact of divorce in this country.”
Haus believes the trend of setting up divorce nest eggs will continue. “As long as there is divorce, there will be people trying to beat the system.”
""Most people don't expect their house to burn down either but they usually have fire extinguishers.""
Not a good analogy. House fires are common and you expect something to catch on fire at least once.
Not one house in my neighborhood nor in the surrounding area has burned down or even caught fire. However, more than a few couples in the neighborhood have experienced divorce. This leads me to believe that divorces are more common than house fires.
I'm willing to bet that not one of those couples planned on getting divorced. Not one. But it still happened.
Even when the silly emotion is greed? Secreting the money away is deception. If it is an honest marriage, separate property should be disclosed. It can still be kept separate... perhaps both sides will want such an account.
Oh
A distinction without a difference since the mother gets the kids in the vast majority of cases.
"Till death do us part": should be changed to "till you leave me for your younger secretary/gardner, or I get sick of you/ till I stop liking you.
Marriage-for-life was a lot easier when most people lived to 40 or 45. Now, we live a lot longer. It's pretty natural to get bored of somebody after 30 or so years.
But it is the difference.
only in the case where there are kids does it seem out of balance. Divorce with no children, or near-adult children, or even divorce between reasonable people does not go so badly as the horror stories here. If you have little kids... Divorce should be a painful thing. And I think it should be equally painful for both parties.
Is there any reason now days to get married other than to produce children?
It's rarely as painful for the woman as it is for the man. On top of the pain of the actual divorce, the man will most likely lose the kids, get kicked out of his own house and be forced to pay money to the hateful harpy who ruined his life.
In a situation like that, the best thing for a man to do is change his name and move to some island in the Carribean.
If you look at the statistics, you'll realize that setting up a divorce fund is not cynical at all. Half of all marriages end in divorce. Two-thirds of divorces are initiated by women. 25% of men whose wives launch a divorce never saw it coming. Seventy-five percent of "reasons" for divorce are nebulous things like "he didn't make me happy." Add to that the fact that whoever initiates the divorce has all the power, will get the divorce 100% of the time, with the other party and his lawyer ignored by the judge, who by law cannot deny the divorce, and there you have it. It's a wonder that men ever venture into marriage at all.
Like a pre-nup, this seems to me to be a virtual guarantee that you *will* divorce.
The "social costs" are already here, and have been for a while.
I think all that gets treated by automatic operation of law. They have established rules and procedures. And if you live in a community property state, anything one spouse inherits after the marriage is automatically shared by the other spouse.
No one I know has ever had a housefire but almost everyone I know have at least one divorce.
as to his ideas, it would make much more sense for women to set up a little nest egg, since its women who will be forced into poverty upon divoces, especially since they interupt their education and careers for motherhood, etc, or to move with the husband's company....
NOT TO SAY THAT I BELIEVE IN ANY OF THIS NONSENSE....because I don't....
Joel Osteen said a few weeks ago...."leave the safe and go with the faith" which makes all the sense in the world...
if you start hedging your bets about marriage, then you will ensure failure.....
If I found out my fiance was doing this, I wouldn't marry him. We have had numerous conversations about marriage, and we agree that we will not get divorced. No matter what.
I know it's hard on men. I know that. But hateful harpies don't just end up in the lives of innocent men who don't invite them there. And I know from watching friends, that bad marriages are almost always bad for both sides. Women don't enter marriage just to screw men for money. People enter marriage, some are good at getting along, some are good at being married, and some are not. Some men marry women that have a 'bitch' sign flashing over their heads that was always there but they didn't notice till the sex stopped. Divorce is high because people are spoiled. Men and women.
I feel little to no sympathy for people who claim their spouse suddenly became the devil overnight. There's always two in any tango. The nastier it is, the more both sides had to act to make it that way. That's just the way it is.
A marriage between two people, even without children is actually a good thing anyway, to set up the legalities of their joint and separate property, power of attorney in medical situations, and inheritance of assets. People living together without any legal paperwork end up in the real murky area of common law marriage whether they want to or not.
I think you're mistaken. Some people really do change, or they hide who they are for a long time. My brother knows an older couple who were married for 41 years, had grown kids, etc. Seemed like normal church-going midwestern folks. One day, the husband announces he's leaving for some young *guy* he met on the internet. Should she have seen that coming, back in the early 1960s?
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