Posted on 03/16/2005 3:28:28 AM PST by MississippiMasterpiece
The high percentage of marriages that end in divorce has created a new trend; many men are planning financially for their divorce before they even get married.
A recent survey conducted by the Indiana Family Institute (IFI) found that 79% of men who are engaged to be married worry that their marriage will end in divorce and they will be ruined financially. As a result, more than half of these men admitted to setting up secret nest eggs in case their fears become reality.
“Some people believe this is the height of pessimism, but to me it makes perfect sense,” says Dr. Phillip Haus, director of the study, “Many of these men are professionals who have worked hard for their success and don’t want to start from scratch if the woman they marry turns out to be a total witch to live with.”
Haus says the most common way engaged men plan for the worst is by setting up a savings account in the name of a relative they trust who has had a long, sound marriage so their funds will be safe. This way once the joint assets are divided after a divorce, they will have a little something extra to fall back on.
“Let’s face it,” added Haus, “The man is the one who almost always get screwed over when a divorce occurs. Even though he usually made more money than the woman in the marriage, he loses the house, and ends up paying child support since the woman will get custody of their offspring. This new trend just provides him with a little insurance so he can enjoy a decent standard of living.”
Some men go to even greater lengths to secure their futures. “We had a few cases where engaged men told us they gave a good portion of their belongings to friends or relatives for safe keeping. One man admitted buying a house in his gay cousin’s name so he would have a place to live if things didn’t work out. This shows the sad state of relationships and the impact of divorce in this country.”
Haus believes the trend of setting up divorce nest eggs will continue. “As long as there is divorce, there will be people trying to beat the system.”
Happened to a friend of mine. When his grandfather died who himself was very wealthy, quite a few family heirlooms were earmarked to his grandchildren. Their grandmother died and he remarried but didn't do a prenup. After the grandfater died, the step-grandmother told his grandchildren that if they wanted the heilooms, they would have to buy them off of her. She also filed a lawsuit to get the grandfather's will thrown out of court since he earmarked the money in a trust for his kid/grandkids. She lost but it cost a lot of the kids inheritance. What a b*tch.
Again, I will do a prenup if I get married again. It is my assets and I will not put up with a black robe dictating how it is distributed in divorce based on his reason of "protecting Society's view".
>>If you are thinking about divorce before you get married, >>then you probably shouldn't get married.
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>Usually true.
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>A different scenerio however can occur. Try this one;
>A man and woman meet young, marry, have a wonderful life >together, and raise a few nice children. They are >financially sucessful as well. One dies. A few years pass, >and the person meets and contemplates marriage again to a >new person.
>
>Some people are so good at hiding their real intentions >that it makes perfect sense to figure out a way to start >fresh, segregating all their assets so they can be left to >the children instead of someone else who had nothing >whatsoever to do with earning the assets.
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>If there was a 1% chance of anything going wrong, and there >always is, it would be stupid to not make sound logical >plans.
>
>I would not contemplate being wed again if the terrible >scenerio took place, but I have no ill feelings for those >who do.
You are very very wrong. If you are going to hold out separate property, it MUST remain separate and never be used in the marriage. Once you use it to pay for something consumed in the marriage, it is community property.
Separate property is a very real concern where something like inheritance for children of a prior marriage, or if there is co-ownership of property with a third party who could be adversely affected if the property were to transfer to the spouse in the event of a death or divorce. Pre nuptuals and will and estate planning is the way to handle those situations. But if you are protecting separate property, it should both be known by the spouse, the rationale understood, and the principle and all income from the account must never enter the marriage spending. It's either separate, or it's not.
I would question whether the assumption that because someone initiated the divorce would mean that they are '(ir)responsible' for the divorce. Could be just a terrible situation that needs to end.
Full disclosure... my BF is divorced. She initiated. He played a role - perhaps 10%... She's as mean as sin, so things have been very tough for him. Is he getting 'screwed' financially? Yes, but he believes in living up to his obligations towards his kids. And one day, his kids will definitely want to get away from her. Her 'angry' voice (the only one I have ever heard) physically upsets me.
Many times the woman is the one to file... whether she wanted the divorce or not, because that's the only way it actually gets done. Guys are happy the minute they move out... getting the paperwork done sometimes doesn't seem so vital.
I recall we all laughed at the Mrs. Heinz kept her money out of Mr. Kerry's hands...
The system is not rigged for women, it's rigged for whoever will have the kids.
No accounts are secret from taxes, or secret from the laws of wills and estates. If you've hidden a pile of money with a relative, someone is paying income tax on any income from it. Gift tax and/or income tax was due on it when you "gave" it to the relative, and income and gift taxes, perhaps even estate taxes (gee I hope this secret money was specifically accounted for in the will!) will be due on it if and when it is "given" back to you.
My what a tangled web we weave.....
Let me help you imagine it...
First you "fall" in love and get married to a beautiful girl. After 14 years and two children...there is a divorce.
The court awards the ex-wife the house, spousal support and child support. You end up paying over half a million over about 16 years.
Next you "fall" in love with a beautiful girl...what do you do now?
I don't understand that attitude at all. The desire for revenge in our society is strong. I think it's much healthier emotionally and spiritually to put it behind you and get on with your life.
I'm sorry for your heartbreak. I know how devistating that can be.
It's a nice dream, but I've seen too many men come home from the sweatshop where he earns what supports the family only to find a restraining order that locks him out of his own house while his dear little wifey sells, hocks, or otherwise trashes all his personal belongings before she takes the house, cars, kids, bank accounts and most of what he will make for the rest of his life.
I know it breaks the spirit of marriage to have a fallback, but so does the feminist-inspired attitude of modern American women.
And in the second marriage, according to you he has nothing.... what's he got to lose?
One of the husbands deserves it - he's always out drinking with his buddies, and his wife just started a business & is now doing OK financially.
One couple has a significant age disparity, the early forty something wife is still "fond" of her husband but because she has so much energy thinks it would be "better for him" if they break up.
The last one involves my buddy of 35 years. Married twenty years, his wife apparently finally got so fed up with the BBQ on saturday, church on sunday lifestyle she lost fifty pounds and in rapid succession has taken several boyfriends. Not before officially separating, of course. Although she still lives in the house with her husband.
I can't figger these people out. These women don't charge their husbands with abuse or infidelity - all three claim they're simply bored.
It's not all one sided. Sometimes the woman is evil, sometimes the man.
I knew someone whose husband claimed he had lost everything gambling. They had to move out of their million dollar house and move in with relatives. Husband expected his wife to divorce him. She doesn't. Instead she goes to Gambler's Anonymous to help him with his problem. Finally the real story comes out after a year. He had given all their money to a girlfriend to hold and had been hoping the wife would start divorce proceedings and there would be no money for her to get. Girlfriend turns around and runs off with the money!
My take on the subject is that if you feel like you have to hide things from someone because you fear they may someday take it from you, then you probably shouldn't be getting married to them.
But then, I have never been married, so what do I know.
Now, to hear him tell it, they weren't getting along and decided to split. Well, that's one way of putting it. However, when people talk to her, they hear the truth. This has him calling her every few weeks, enraged. It's such a sad situation, I truly feel bad for her.
Since we never really know what goes on behind closed doors, the 'bored' comments may just be polite social talk for 'none of your business'. Or, it could be a lie being told by someone, or even just a short-hand catch-all statement.
Sometimes I think there's some truth to the idea that no good deed goes unpunished. Not that that ought to stop anyone from doing what's right, just sad when things don't go like I think they should.
I'd never set up a divorce fund, but I do have 'Papa's Emergency fund".
I never say how much is there, just that it is, and warn everyone in the family if it is getting low.
It is available for emergencies and unforseen expenses, but is one way I can be sure to have some or all of what is needed in advance when something goes wrong. (With 12 grandchildren, something will.)
It never hurts to rathole a little cash, either. (And yes, my wife knows about it, and has "Grandma's" fund, too!)
Makes perfect sen$e....
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