Posted on 02/22/2005 6:56:50 PM PST by qam1
More than anything, Linda Bigelow wanted to be a mom.
The traditional route -- romance, marriage, pregnancy -- would have been great, but she couldn't manage to grab hold of it.
She dated, "but I realized I wasn't really looking for a husband for me, I was looking for a father for my future children," she says. "I decided that wasn't a good reason to get married."
So at the age of 31, she decided to do motherhood -- solo.
On June 4, 2000, after reams of paperwork and several months of waiting, she and her mother, Jean, collected her new baby girl from an orphanage in Changzhou, in the Jiangsu province of China. She named her Jensen.
Three and a half years later, Jensen joined her mom and grandma on another trek to China. They came home to Grand Rapids as a foursome, having adopted 2-year-old Taryn.
The Bigelows' story isn't unique. Many single women are trying to adopt a child or two nowadays. And China is first on their list.
"China is popular with single women because it's a little less expensive (than other foreign adoptions), and they get to travel there with a group of families," said Mary Zoet, China program manager for Adoption Associates, an adoption agency based in Georgetown Township.
Plus, women want baby girls, Zoet said, and China has lots of them.
They look outside of the U.S. because adopting a baby here as a single mother is almost impossible, Zoet said. Her agency allows birth mothers to select families for their child "and they just never pick single women," she said.
In China, a country with a one-child policy, girls often are abandoned. Sons are favored because they carry on the family name and are responsible for taking care of their parents in old age. Ninety-five percent of the children in orphanages are girls.
"Since last year, the increase in China sign-ups has been huge," both for single people and married couples, Zoet said.
Restriction in place
Single women's attraction to China was so great that, starting in 2002, the China Center of Adoption Affairs put a cap on the number of babies the country would release to them. Only 8 percent of adoptions can go to single people. Married couples are welcome to apply immediately and could have a child within a year.
"China's idea of an ideal family situation for a child is two parents. With a single mom, that's not what a child is getting," Zoet said. "We may not agree, but we have to abide by it."
Because of the limits placed on single parents, a woman could wait as long as two years before she even can submit an application, said Linda Schripsema, program coordinator for China adoptions at Bethany Christian Services in Grand Rapids. Zoet has about 30 single women on a waiting list at Adoption Associates. Getting to the top could take a year. Then they'll spend another 11-plus months filling out forms and waiting for a picture of their baby to arrive in the mail. Because of the delays, some who picked China opt to pursue adoption through another country.
Guatemala, El Salvador and Russia also allow single parents to adopt, but Schripsema said none of the countries encourages it.
"It's difficult for a single mom to adopt in any country," she said.
International adoption by a single man is even tougher. Some countries prohibit it. Neither Adoption Associates nor Bethany accepts international adoption applications from single men. Bethany accepts applications from single men -- and women -- for domestic adoptions of older children, however.
Waiting list or not, Barbra Trowe was not going to be deterred from raising a second baby from China. She was among the 25 single women who adopted through Bethany's Grand Rapids office over the last two years. She brought Ava home to Grand Rapids in October. Ava's 5-year-old sister, Maya, was adopted in 2000.
"I'm just crazy in love with these Chinese girls," says Trowe, 46.
She was laid off from her marketing position at Alticor last year but was adamant about keeping the adoption on track. She's tuning up her resume again, now that she's adjusted to life as a single mom of two.
"Maya so needed a sister to love," she says. "It's a beautiful thing to watch them together."
Precocious Maya recently told her mom she hasn't been doing a very good job at finding a husband.
Maya, who's in kindergarten, felt the sting when one of her classmates told her she wasn't allowed to attend a father-daughter dance at school.
Jensen, also a kindergartener, has asked about a dad, too.
"I let her talk about it. I let her have her feelings. I try to keep it positive and tell her what we do have in our family," Bigelow says. "No child is raised in a perfect situation, but my girls are being raised very well, if I do say so myself."
Not time for dating
Bigelow doesn't foresee fitting dating into her schedule anytime soon.
Trowe has a different perspective.
"I really would love to be married. I would love for Ava and Maya to have a dad," Trowe said. "I tell my daughters if I were to get married, he would be the luckiest man on earth because he'd be their dad."
She isn't dating now but likely will join a dating service sometime soon. And when she does, she'll be looking for a husband as well as a father for her girls.
You're a good man. Remember Joseph?
bump!
God bless you, Motherbear! You certainly do justice to your FR name. Thank you for giving love to your children, and standing up for what is right and know that you are blessed.
This is what a country should be for: for the benefit of its own citizens and their descendants.
As for people who are not citizens of this country--admitting them should be done in so far as it benefits America, not as it benefits foreigners.
A country is not created for the benefit of foreigners, but for the benefit of its citizens.
That's what countries are for: an organization of people for their own benefit.
What this person apparently doesn't understand is that many people who adopt children from other countries do so INSTEAD of giving birth to their own children. One child = one child...no matter whether it is born here, or adopted from another country. sheesh!
If you want a child then pay the dues and procreate.
If you want to adopt, have we not American children for adoption?
Since a child is a child, how does leaving your estate to your children instead of to all children, differ?
Just so your share of America.
Foreign adoption should be a last resort, not the easy resort.
Thanks. My wife will be the first to admit, though, that she's never been any Virgin Mary. 8>)
Lets start with the most obvious. Aren't we a country of immigrants? Aren't the majority of Americans today, two or three generations removed from immigrant status?
The problem with adopting American orphans is that you got cases of the birthparents five years later changing their mind and taking them back - and the judge goes along with it.
Gee, I guess that unless you yourself are 100% Native American you have no business being here.
Why don't you just hop a boat back to one of the many countries your foreign immigrant ancestors came from?
What about them? Domestic adoption is a third option. But that doesn't change the fact that there is an equal impact on US population growth with international adoption and procreation if a couple is choosing between the two. So even if domestic adoption is a third option, the reality remains that a critique of international adoption is on par with a critique of procreation.
According to your logic (stopping population growth), it would make most sense to first ban procreation. Domestic adoption is the best option and international adoption is between the two.
So tell me now, how do you feel about banning procreation? Would you do it through forced sterilization or through forced abortions? Perhaps we could institute a one child policy and have other nations adopt our children. That would take care of our population concerns, right.
The problems with immigration are not simply because there is an increase in population. The problems are there because it is happening too rapidly to assimilate immigrants into the American economic system and culture. In fact, our problems with Social Security are there because our population of younger workers hasn't increased enough. We can thank the legalization of abortion for the dramatic decline, along with proponents of theories like yours.
Adoption takes care of the assimilation problem by fully inculterating these children into the American way of life from childhood. There is no reason to object to it because of concerns about population control.
And what I don't get is the people that say they do not believe in abortions must realize that those unwanted children are going to be some where and need someone to take care of them.You know there are adoptions in the bible.
So, along comes a person like this lady that said "hey I'll take on the burden of two of them". As long as she did it from her heart which I saw no reason that she didn't, I think it was as noble as anything.
If God has it in his plan, the right guy will come alone or he will provide all that she needs.
It is apparent that you have "issues". No amount of arguing with you will change that. I try very hard to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, but after reading your responses on this thread, I must admit to myself that I have been confronted by someone who has racist tendencies. And THAT is another understatement of the year from yours truly, chena.
Yes,there was only one(virgin Mary. I still believe there are many men that have taken on a wife that either already concieved another's child or adopted another's child and that is commendable considering many men find this a difficult thing to do.
In our free culture (okay, not totally free as estate taxes have to be paid) we can choose how our worldly goods will be dispersed. Yes, we can leave our furtune to our birth children, our adopted children, no children or all children (thru scholarships, etc.). You can also leave your estate to your beloved Chihuahua if you want...none of that has any corelation to international adoption or 'sharing America.'
You know, I was thinking about my family.
My father's father died when my father was 2. Several years later his mother remarried.
My late mother-in-law had two children, when she walked out on an abusive husband. She later remarried a man, by whom she had two more daughter (including my wife).
My wife's two oldest sisters got married had a child, only to end up divorced. Both of them remarried. One of them later got divorced from her second husband, as well, but by then, her son had married and had a daughter of his own.
Then there's me, who happily married a single mother.
Every second husband (as well as I)-- with the possible exception of the one who divorced -- considered their wives' children from earlier relationships to be their own children.
So I'm just wondering if it really is that rare for a men to avoid getting involved with women, simply because they already have children.
""And what I don't get is the people that say they do not believe in abortions must realize that those unwanted children are going to be some where and need someone to take care of them.You know there are adoptions in the bible.
So, along comes a person like this lady that said "hey I'll take on the burden of two of them". As long as she did it from her heart which I saw no reason that she didn't, I think it was as noble as anything.
If God has it in his plan, the right guy will come alone or he will provide all that she needs.""
I've had the same thoughts, rave123. Like I've said before, what kind of person could deny a child, any child, from being loved. I wonder if God reads threads like these....and if so, I do believe I'd like to be far away from certain posters when the big ZOT comes down.
"This is what a country should be for: for the benefit of its own citizens and their descendants. As for people who are not citizens of this country--admitting them should be done in so far as it benefits America, not as it benefits foreigners. A country is not created for the benefit of foreigners, but for the benefit of its citizens. That's what countries are for: an organization of people for their own benefit."
I am a citizen of this country. My daughter entered this country as a citizen, not as a foreigner. As a US citizen, I am blessed by her presence in my life, as are many others in our community.
"Pay the dues and procreate"
So going to an infertility clinic is a better option than adoption, and your concern really is population control? I think I nailed it in my first response to you: It's racism, pure and simple. If your concern really were population control, you would embrace international adoption as a better option than procreation.
"So going to an infertility clinic is a better option than adoption, and your concern really is population control? I think I nailed it in my first response to you: It's racism, pure and simple. If your concern really were population control, you would embrace international adoption as a better option than procreation."
Sometimes the best response is a short response. "It's racism, pure and simple", hit the nail on the proverbial head. :)
If they were fools who let our forebears in, doesn't mean we should repeat their mistake.
If someone your grandparents didn't know, suddenly gave your grandparents their house, doesn't mean you should give your house to a stranger.
But then America had so much fewer people 100 and more years ago, and had plenty of room for more--so maybe it wasn't such a bad idea way back then.
But now we're full.
Not our fault our forebears were smart enough to come here and their forebears weren't. Now it's too late for them because we're full.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.