Posted on 01/04/2005 12:24:26 PM PST by Keyes2000mt
The words were said countless thousands of times last year as a minister concluded the ceremony. "What God hath joined together, let no man put asunder." But so often man and woman do.
While gay marriage has been roundly condemned in most churches (and rightly so), you will not hear much about divorce. In many cases, if divorce is discussed in church, it's talked about as this horrible circumstance that comes upon people, listed in the same breath as automobile accidents or serious illnesses.
The Bible is quite clear on the issue of divorce. Malachi 2:16 says it clearly, "For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that He hateth putting away (i.e. Divorce)..." Hate's a strong word and Christ reiterates this in the New Testament. Yet, in the church, even in Conservative churches, a man is more likely to feel uncomfortable with pierced ear than with a couple divorces behind him.
There's good reason why the church and conservatives are skittish about this topic. There's no one who doesn't know someone who's been divorced. They fill our church pews every Sunday. We know them to be decent folks who agree with us on a lot of cultural issues. Randall Terry, Newt Gingrich, and Rush Limbaugh have all been divorced.
We also know folks who have been victimized by their ex-spouse: abused, cheated on, and treated like dirt. Or, perhaps you dear reader have had a divorce where you weren't at fault and that you didn't choose.
On the other hand, most Christians know very few homosexuals and even less know homosexuals who'd like to get married. The odds of a pastor offending a large tither whose gay and wants to get married is quite small.
To say our current divorce rate is a national sin is not to say that all divorcees are to be condemned and treated as despicable outcasts. The church should be compassionate, but even as Christ said, "Go and sin no more," It must be proactive in dealing with divorce.
Divorce must be taught against strongly in the church. The church as a community should be dedicated to helping preserve the marriages of the church. Strengthening the marriages of believers should be considered as important if not more so than evangelism. Children of broken homes often wander spiritually and in many cases fall from faith. Thus, a large church may win 100 converts, but if it produces 40 broken homes in the same year that leads to 100 angry and embittered children, it is not truly building the Kingdom of God.
Also, church discipline should be used when appropriate for those who divorce without just cause and refuse reconciliation efforts. Watching Cornerstone Television, I saw former NFL player and Pastor of Antioch Bible Church Ken Hutcherson. He organized the Mayday for Marriage rally in Washington, DC opposing gay marriage. Call him anything you like, but don't call him a gay-hating hypocrite. Hutcherson said that in the past year, he'd censured five members of the church, including some for ending marriages without just cause.
The structure of most Protestant Churches is anti-authoritarian and the idea of church discipline is scary to most of us as we've heard horror stories about how cults have abused it. However, desperate times call for desperate measures and a biblical use of church discipline could aid in preserving marriages.
Secular Action
The devastating number of divorces is an area where the interests of church and state collide. Studies have shown that divorces lead to economic problems for states and communities, as well as the long term problems that come from children of broken marriages. It's no accident that the richest states are those with the lowest divorce rates.
The fact is that anyone who finds themselves in a bad marriage made a mistake at one time or another. Half the time, their biggest mistake was getting married in the first place. To prevent these bad matches or to help get the marriage off on a better start, marrying couples should be required to undergo several hours of marriage classes and/or marital counseling from a licensed minister or marriage counselor.
Secondly, no-fault divorce laws must be reformed. Marriage is the most important relationship a person has legally, yet it has all the force and effect of a month-to-month lease thanks to no-fault divorce laws. The laws should be reformed so a no-fault divorce can only be obtained if both parties consent. This would also reduce the court costs associated with issues of custody and division of the property as a no-fault divorce could only be obtained if both parties were agreed on it.
Those who believe in gay marriage have pointed to divorce as an argument against those who seek to protect marriage from same sex unions. I reject the argument that one evil prospering requires that we allow another blow to traditional family values. However, preserving the family is about more than one single issue and if we're going to be serious about it, we have to address all the issues that threaten the survival of the Family.
As someone who,at age 5, lost her father to death in the middle of the Great Depression I don't know about that.
We were poor and it was tough,really tough,for my mother.
My divorce impacted my kids far less than the death of my father impacted my mother,sister,and I.
Dr Laura sometimes gets carried away with her opinions----there are too many variables to consider.
Maybe mariabush should change her screen name to 'mariakerry'.
I have a daughter that says the same thing---constantly.
It's not you. I've seen it a lot.
Hi! Not sure you were repling to me in particular or to the article in general.
I don't think it is the idea that choosing the wrong person is the sin....however, not honoring a committment that one makes to the other person and God by doing whatever it takes to make tha marriage work is the sin. Our marriage between man and wife is the mirror image of that between Christ and His church.
Just my thoughts! :)
ping.
Maybe you heard about the man whose credit card was stolen but decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
--
LOL
A guy noticed that his buddy was troubled and asked what was wrong.
"Ohhh, it's my girlfriend."
"What's the problem?"
"When I asked her if she could learn to love me, she asked me how much I was willing to spend on her education."
Nice
A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wants provided that his mother-in-law gets double. The man thinks for a moment and then says, "OK, give me a million dollars and beat me half to death."
please don't hold me in contempt because i found my true love.
i don't mean to judge all divorces,and I know there are plenty of exceptions to my comments... it just seems way to frequent and socially acceptable for couples to choose the divorce as an option.
maybe people should just not get married in the first place if they aren't serious about it...just go get a license for a civil union at city hall...
why bother promising to God to enter a lifetime commitment with someone? Whats the meaning of marriage anyhow?
Very well said.
The bottom line is that loving your spouse is a choice not an emotion and if you are truly attempting to be God pleasing you will choose to love your spouse period, even if you don't have strong emotional ties to them. In doing this God will bless you and in many cases provide you with the emotional attachment and excitement.
Exactly. It is a choice. Satan hates marriage because it was instituted by God. As a result, he'll fill our minds with reasons why we should not love our spouses. The job of Christians is to overcome and love.
LOL
maybe people should just not get married in the first place if they aren't serious about it...just go get a license for a civil union at city hall...
___________________________________________________________
That's what my husband and I did, using some pretty old fashioned vows, btw. Funny, I've always considered myself "married" to him. I guess that means we can walk at any time then, hmmm?
Listen, I know you mean well, but judging in an instance like divorce is tricky business. Now you're even saying some people aren't seriously married if they didn't do it in a church. I would have to beg to differ.
Obvously someone who abuses a spouse on a consistent and regular basis isn't a Christian...they don't believe....or is lying if they say they are. In that case:
1Co 7:13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.
Note that the word "pleased" in the greek represents a mutual "please" between husband and wife:
suneudokeo
Thayer Definition:
1) to be pleased together with, to approve together (with others)
2) to be pleased at the same time with, consent, agree to
"Satan hates marriage because it was instituted by God. As a result, he'll fill our minds with reasons why we should not love our spouses. The job of Christians is to overcome and love."
When your husband/wife abuses you, slams you against the wall, fractures your arm, and tries to stab you with a knife in a drunken rage, I guess left up to you "I should just overcome it with love."
I believe in turning the other cheek, but not in order to have it smacked.
IMHO you are not dealing with reality.
The most cruel type of case has yet to be addressed on this thread. You would be surprised to know the ministers of conservative denominations whose wife becomes unfaithful, he forgives, he knows God is against divorce, he doesn't divorce her, yet she divorces him - for another man.
Since he is a minister his life is totally ruined. He has done nothing wrong. I personally know ministers who this has happened to. The minister is left with bitter choices:
1. Remain unmarried for the rest of his life in order to remain a minister of his denomination.
2. Remarry and be kicked out of the ministry of his denomination.
3. Change to a liberal denomination that he might be able to remarry and remain a minister. He has been opposed to liberalism all along, yet now he has to become part of a denomination that he does not believe.
If you think the divorce and remarriage issue is tough for a laymember, pity the poor minister who has it happen to him, it is double hard on him.
Thanks Ginifer.............they can't get to me, thankfully.
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