Posted on 01/04/2005 12:24:26 PM PST by Keyes2000mt
The words were said countless thousands of times last year as a minister concluded the ceremony. "What God hath joined together, let no man put asunder." But so often man and woman do.
While gay marriage has been roundly condemned in most churches (and rightly so), you will not hear much about divorce. In many cases, if divorce is discussed in church, it's talked about as this horrible circumstance that comes upon people, listed in the same breath as automobile accidents or serious illnesses.
The Bible is quite clear on the issue of divorce. Malachi 2:16 says it clearly, "For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that He hateth putting away (i.e. Divorce)..." Hate's a strong word and Christ reiterates this in the New Testament. Yet, in the church, even in Conservative churches, a man is more likely to feel uncomfortable with pierced ear than with a couple divorces behind him.
There's good reason why the church and conservatives are skittish about this topic. There's no one who doesn't know someone who's been divorced. They fill our church pews every Sunday. We know them to be decent folks who agree with us on a lot of cultural issues. Randall Terry, Newt Gingrich, and Rush Limbaugh have all been divorced.
We also know folks who have been victimized by their ex-spouse: abused, cheated on, and treated like dirt. Or, perhaps you dear reader have had a divorce where you weren't at fault and that you didn't choose.
On the other hand, most Christians know very few homosexuals and even less know homosexuals who'd like to get married. The odds of a pastor offending a large tither whose gay and wants to get married is quite small.
To say our current divorce rate is a national sin is not to say that all divorcees are to be condemned and treated as despicable outcasts. The church should be compassionate, but even as Christ said, "Go and sin no more," It must be proactive in dealing with divorce.
Divorce must be taught against strongly in the church. The church as a community should be dedicated to helping preserve the marriages of the church. Strengthening the marriages of believers should be considered as important if not more so than evangelism. Children of broken homes often wander spiritually and in many cases fall from faith. Thus, a large church may win 100 converts, but if it produces 40 broken homes in the same year that leads to 100 angry and embittered children, it is not truly building the Kingdom of God.
Also, church discipline should be used when appropriate for those who divorce without just cause and refuse reconciliation efforts. Watching Cornerstone Television, I saw former NFL player and Pastor of Antioch Bible Church Ken Hutcherson. He organized the Mayday for Marriage rally in Washington, DC opposing gay marriage. Call him anything you like, but don't call him a gay-hating hypocrite. Hutcherson said that in the past year, he'd censured five members of the church, including some for ending marriages without just cause.
The structure of most Protestant Churches is anti-authoritarian and the idea of church discipline is scary to most of us as we've heard horror stories about how cults have abused it. However, desperate times call for desperate measures and a biblical use of church discipline could aid in preserving marriages.
Secular Action
The devastating number of divorces is an area where the interests of church and state collide. Studies have shown that divorces lead to economic problems for states and communities, as well as the long term problems that come from children of broken marriages. It's no accident that the richest states are those with the lowest divorce rates.
The fact is that anyone who finds themselves in a bad marriage made a mistake at one time or another. Half the time, their biggest mistake was getting married in the first place. To prevent these bad matches or to help get the marriage off on a better start, marrying couples should be required to undergo several hours of marriage classes and/or marital counseling from a licensed minister or marriage counselor.
Secondly, no-fault divorce laws must be reformed. Marriage is the most important relationship a person has legally, yet it has all the force and effect of a month-to-month lease thanks to no-fault divorce laws. The laws should be reformed so a no-fault divorce can only be obtained if both parties consent. This would also reduce the court costs associated with issues of custody and division of the property as a no-fault divorce could only be obtained if both parties were agreed on it.
Those who believe in gay marriage have pointed to divorce as an argument against those who seek to protect marriage from same sex unions. I reject the argument that one evil prospering requires that we allow another blow to traditional family values. However, preserving the family is about more than one single issue and if we're going to be serious about it, we have to address all the issues that threaten the survival of the Family.
Interesting article. It's easier to hate or criticize those who are not part of your group. It's a heckuva lot harder to do so for members of your group.
Most churches have their complement of divorced members. You look at them every Sunday. How are you going to criticize or hate them.
OTOH, most churches have no homosexual members. It's a lot easier to hate the person who's not there, it seems to me.
Kind of makes it tough for those of us who believe divorce is sometimes necessary but remarriage is a grave sin.
It seems every man that is over forty and single was married already.Some of us have been more sensible than that. >:)
-Eric
>>I'm divorced-----best thing that ever happened to me,my former spouse,and our 5 kids(who were all adults when we were divorced).<<
In the long run? (I am speaking of eternity here)
Don't get me wrong. I am divorced too. But I am one of those "never saw it coming" guys...
Oh, and it worked out very well for me as well. Met the woman of my dreams and we are just about done with year six of our honeymoon. The ex and my kids didn't do so well though. They'll live, but the scars on the kids are quite permanent. I did eventually get custody of the one that is still a minor.
The church didn't require this when the wife and I got married in the Philippines but BOY the Navy did.
Took us 2 years from the time I asked for her hand before the Navy gave us permission to get married.
All types of counseling, pressure, paperwork, etc.
It also helps to discuss this ahead of time.
Both of us knew, going into marriage, that neither of us believed in divorce.
If it's harder then maybe they'll think twice. No matter anyway, the lawyers will make out like bandits.
Why won't your mother let her stay longer?
Oh for Pete's sake, we've been doing this for years now and you should know when I'm just trying to get your goat. Don't be so touchy or I'll have to take back the decent thing that I was thinking about you a few minutes ago.
Do you know why a divorce is so expensive?
(ready the rimshot)
>>>>Those who believe in gay marriage have pointed to divorce as an argument against those who seek to protect marriage from same sex unions. I reject the argument that one evil prospering requires that we allow another blow to traditional family values<<<<
I am divorced. I do believe that divorce is a sin in most cases, but not all. For instance, Christians need not stay married to non-Christians. The thing is, Christians are forgiven for their sins if they seek it, believe they need it, and intend to change as well.
The comparison of homosexual marriage vs. divorced Christians is unfair. Homosexuals are choosing sin as a Lifestyle, while most Christians divorcing experience extreme pain, soul searching, and attempt NOT to make the mistake again. It can not compare to staying in a relationship which God abhorrs.
I agree it should be harder; haven't we just read that some states are considering taking a look at their "no-fault" divorces.
If you know that your parents should have never been married, why would you think it best for them to stay married?
Please don't tell me that; I'd feel like I would have to reciprocate. :-)
Of all the people who married I know, I can't think of one who had doubts going into it. They all, and I mean all, thought they had found the one and it was going to work out. To even suggest to even your best friend that they're making a mistake is a good way to never be spoken to again. They're that sure of it, and that is why they're getting married to begin with.
Divorce is never even a consideration until after reality sets in. So unless you have a crystal ball we can use to see the future, people are going to divorce as long as they marry.
For God's sake, don't do that. It would ruin everything.
I seem to recall something about not coveting thy neighbor's ass...
You just have to be the boss, don't you?
Any Pastor who does not counsel serious action when a spouse threatens to kill you or the children, is not worth their salt. When the spouse is pushing drugs on the children, again - serious action. With repeated actions, the more serious the consequences and the big "D" coupled with the law has to be one of them.
A Pastor that doesn't recognize Divorce for sexual repeated infidelity in the day of AIDs is not listening to the Lord or Scripture.
The liberals will allow divorce for any incompatibility and the ultraconservatives for none. Both extremes are to be avoided.
LOL..what church is that?
Yes you are right.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.