The Sin of Divorce

Renew America ^ | 01/04/2005 | Adam Graham

[Keyes2000mt]

The words were said countless thousands of times last year as a minister concluded the ceremony. "What God hath joined together, let no man put asunder." But so often man and woman do.

While gay marriage has been roundly condemned in most churches (and rightly so), you will not hear much about divorce. In many cases, if divorce is discussed in church, it's talked about as this horrible circumstance that comes upon people, listed in the same breath as automobile accidents or serious illnesses.

The Bible is quite clear on the issue of divorce. Malachi 2:16 says it clearly, "For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that He hateth putting away (i.e. Divorce)..." Hate's a strong word and Christ reiterates this in the New Testament. Yet, in the church, even in Conservative churches, a man is more likely to feel uncomfortable with pierced ear than with a couple divorces behind him.

There's good reason why the church and conservatives are skittish about this topic. There's no one who doesn't know someone who's been divorced. They fill our church pews every Sunday. We know them to be decent folks who agree with us on a lot of cultural issues. Randall Terry, Newt Gingrich, and Rush Limbaugh have all been divorced.

We also know folks who have been victimized by their ex-spouse: abused, cheated on, and treated like dirt. Or, perhaps you dear reader have had a divorce where you weren't at fault and that you didn't choose.

On the other hand, most Christians know very few homosexuals and even less know homosexuals who'd like to get married. The odds of a pastor offending a large tither whose gay and wants to get married is quite small.

To say our current divorce rate is a national sin is not to say that all divorcees are to be condemned and treated as despicable outcasts. The church should be compassionate, but even as Christ said, "Go and sin no more," It must be proactive in dealing with divorce.

Divorce must be taught against strongly in the church. The church as a community should be dedicated to helping preserve the marriages of the church. Strengthening the marriages of believers should be considered as important if not more so than evangelism. Children of broken homes often wander spiritually and in many cases fall from faith. Thus, a large church may win 100 converts, but if it produces 40 broken homes in the same year that leads to 100 angry and embittered children, it is not truly building the Kingdom of God.

Also, church discipline should be used when appropriate for those who divorce without just cause and refuse reconciliation efforts. Watching Cornerstone Television, I saw former NFL player and Pastor of Antioch Bible Church Ken Hutcherson. He organized the Mayday for Marriage rally in Washington, DC opposing gay marriage. Call him anything you like, but don't call him a gay-hating hypocrite. Hutcherson said that in the past year, he'd censured five members of the church, including some for ending marriages without just cause.

The structure of most Protestant Churches is anti-authoritarian and the idea of church discipline is scary to most of us as we've heard horror stories about how cults have abused it. However, desperate times call for desperate measures and a biblical use of church discipline could aid in preserving marriages.

Secular Action

The devastating number of divorces is an area where the interests of church and state collide. Studies have shown that divorces lead to economic problems for states and communities, as well as the long term problems that come from children of broken marriages. It's no accident that the richest states are those with the lowest divorce rates.

The fact is that anyone who finds themselves in a bad marriage made a mistake at one time or another. Half the time, their biggest mistake was getting married in the first place. To prevent these bad matches or to help get the marriage off on a better start, marrying couples should be required to undergo several hours of marriage classes and/or marital counseling from a licensed minister or marriage counselor.

Secondly, no-fault divorce laws must be reformed. Marriage is the most important relationship a person has legally, yet it has all the force and effect of a month-to-month lease thanks to no-fault divorce laws. The laws should be reformed so a no-fault divorce can only be obtained if both parties consent. This would also reduce the court costs associated with issues of custody and division of the property as a no-fault divorce could only be obtained if both parties were agreed on it.

Those who believe in gay marriage have pointed to divorce as an argument against those who seek to protect marriage from same sex unions. I reject the argument that one evil prospering requires that we allow another blow to traditional family values. However, preserving the family is about more than one single issue and if we're going to be serious about it, we have to address all the issues that threaten the survival of the Family.

[Gabz]

Gotchya!!!!

[cyborg]

:sigh:

[TheSpottedOwl]

Of course she may be a softie who doesn't want to hurt his feelings and cause problems. In that case she deserves what she gets.

Hah! kudos to you for being a person with a normal family. The fun doesn't start until you leave. She's protecting her kids from him by being a "softie". I did it, and I can testify that it does not work.

[Gabz]

You're the one who claimed divorce is an abomination.........

I'm not confused.....you seem to be.

I committed no sin in getting divorced. The only sin I may have been guilty of was putting my life in jeopardy for as long as I did. I'm comfortable believeing God long ago forgave me for that. I'm not quite as confident He has forgiven my ex, considering the ex never thought he was doing anything wrong.....even after he landed me in the emergency room.

[Rebelbase]

:-)

[Gabz]

Excuse me.....you make no sense.

I believe that in abuse cases you must do what is necessary to protect yourself and any children,.....

I agree. Thankfully in my case there were no children involved.

......but not divorce if a Christian.

So because he was abusive and made my life a living hell, I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life in celibate singlehood?????? You're nuts and if those are the rules of your brand of Christianity, I'm thankful I don't subscribe to it.

Under the laws of the state of Delaware, where I was married and divorced, had I just left him and not divorced him, I would be responsible for supporting him now that he is infirm and unemployed.

Any woman that would wish that upon another is ANYTHING and EVERYTHING BUT a Christian.

Please do not post to me anymore until you learn the true nature of being a Christian.

[TheSpottedOwl]

Ever heard of "heroic virtue?" Perhaps your mom is laying up her treasures in Heaven.

Ever hear of children growing up in abusive situations, who either grow up to be abused, or be an abuser? Gee, let's ask God about that...

[Coldwater Creek]

I'm sure that if your ex beat you, he more than likely cheated on you too. I don't think that you have any reason to feel guilty.

[george wythe]

Homosexual *acts* are the only sin referred to in the Bible as "abomination."

I'm not so sure.

IIRC, remarrying a woman after divorcing her once was an abomination also.

Her former husband, which sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after that she is defiled; for that is abomination before the LORD:

Also, eating lobster is condemned in the Bible because seafood was an abomination:

And all that have not fins and scales in the seas, and in the rivers, of all that move in the waters, and of any living thing which is in the waters, they shall be an abomination unto you:

Of course, I've heard several pastors say that women wearing jeans are an abomination, quoting the Scriptures:

The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the LORD thy God.

If you read your Bible, you will find out that the word abomination had a larger application than you implied. After reading the Bible cover to cover the first time, I got the impression that worshipping idols was the greatest abomination described in the Scriptures, since God's chosen people were punished with captivity mainly due to this abomination.

[Coldwater Creek]

I apologize if you have misunderstood me. I am on your side.

[I Gig Gar]

Oh geeeeze.

This is the kind of thing that scares people away from the Conservative/Republican movement...And right when we're making some serious gains too!!

What's next? Putting pregnant women in jail to keep them from having abortions? If you're for outlawing abortions, you MUST answer that question.

[xhrist]

You make is seem that divorce is a continuing sin that is beyond repentance.

sorry if thats what you read into it...
one can ALWAYS repent for one's sins..whether the sin was committed once or a thousand times

and by NO Means did my statement defend or equate homosexuality to divorce...

my point is that they are both serious sins...period.

Explain how SWEARING to God, family & friends to do something, and then not do it is not a sin.
Would my statement be more palatable if stated:
hypocrisy is illustrated by adulterers condemning homosexuality

[muir_redwoods]

To say that all divorce is wrong is to tacitly expect all people to make infallible choices in marriage. Since no church preaches the perfection of humans in their present state that seems to be a contradiction. Cases of abuse, drug and alcohol addiction and other ills such as compulsive gambling and infidelity can put an innocent partner at serious risk. There needs to be a reasonable format for ending a marriage that has gone irremediably wrong.

For the record I have never been divorced, death did us part.

[Gabz]

I know he didn't cheat on me.......he was too busy keeping track of my every move to make sure I didn't cheat on him.

I'm thrilled you don't "think" I need to feel guilty.........I never have felt that way.

[Ginifer]

You MariaBush have some nerve! Your self-righteous sanctimonious ramblings. I remember last post about "not changing one's name after marriage" and you did nothing but quote scriptures about how evil those of us who did it were. Now her I see that you have "sinned", but since you are "born-again" - all's fine with the world. You are what is wrong with the radical Christians...do as I say, not as I do.

Gabz - don't let them get to you.

[Gabz]

I don't believe I misunderstood you. You said it was fine to leave him, but not divorce him if I was a Christian.

Your so-called-christian "rules" and those of the government regarding divorce happen to be rather divergent.

I am very happily married and the mother of a wonderful 6 year old.......2 things your "rules" would deny me.............and you claim to be on my side. I don't think so.

[Gabz]

Get a life.......there are times when NOT getting a divorce is a far graver sin.

[T.L.Sink]

Regrettably, the question of the sinfulness or expediency
of a divorce is somewhat passe. In fact the whole institution of marriage is almost archaic due to the fact
that ever-increasing numbers of people are cohabiting.And,
even when marriage is still considered a sacrament and
divorce a sin, the Church itself de facto encourages divorce by its too easy granting of annulments. Thus a
"good" catholic like John Kerry can latch up with an even
richer babe by annulling the first rich babe -- and still
affirm that he is not divorced. Do you wonder why people
are cynical about the whole issue?

[tob2]

Sometimes divorcing is better than staying in a bad marriage. I wish my parents had not falling for the bull funky of staing married for the sake of the children.

[Rock N Jones]

I wonder if there's internet access?

Only on the HOT LINE!!