Posted on 12/13/2004 5:39:51 AM PST by Le Bouledogue Britannique
It has been noted that there has been a grievous and unprovoked attack on Great Britain on these pages
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/1295524/posts
which THE MANAGEMENT, in their wisdom, have seen fit to leave in situ.
Therefore, here is the British response.
[Note to Mr Moderator, please feel free to remove this thread (I'm sure you will anyway) and indeed ban me from these boards (once again) However, if you do choose you that path, please display your lack of bias and sense of fair play by removing the "40 Reasons why the US is Better than Britain (humor)" thread which I have linked to above at the same time. Thank you.]
70 Reasons why GREAT Britain is miles & miles better than the USA (humour)
1. Michael Moore
2. You don't have any custard
3. You invented McDonalds
4, Our military are peacemakers.
5. We know a few things about the U.S., whereas you know next to nothing about the UK.
6. We have a sense of humour (and we even know how to spell it)
7. We don't rely on therapy or Prozac to lead a "normal" life
8. We understand irony.
9. We can watch TV for ten full minutes without a 15 minute commercial break
10. We are 6 times less likely to be murdered in the UK than you are in the US
11. We are 60 times less likely to be shot in the UK than you are in the US
12. We don't feel that we have to own firearms to protect ourselves from our own government.
13. We aren't xenophobic
14. Did I mention Michael Moore?
15. We don't expect people to like us or respect us, but some of them do. The U.S. seems to have got that back to front.
16. British beer doesn't taste like diluted gnats urine.
17. We don't have rednecks (at least, if we do, they don't actually have red necks)
18. We can drive around corners and most of our cars can manage more than 10 miles to the gallon.
19. We are intelligent enough to use a manual gearbox
20. We are not all obese.
21. Yorkshire pudding.
22. We are a net exporter of oil
23. We can sometimes see the other guys point of view.
24. Our accents don't sound vulgar.
25. We don't hate people just because they are different to us.
26. We have a prettier flag than you.
27. We invented modern democracy, you just pay lip service to it.
28. We have more attractive women here per head of population than you have.
29. We don't have the left wing stink hole that is Hollywood.
30. We are capable of enjoying a film (translation: "movie") in which nobody gets killed every 3 minutes.
31. We don't eat raw corn.
32. We don't have to buy our drinking water from other countries
33. Most of our population realise that there is a world beyond our borders.
34. I live here.
35. Our armed forces are capable of mounting an operation without playing rock music at 120 decibels, shouting "YEAH RIGHT!", or "OH DUDE!" every ten seconds and putting panties on the heads of captives.
36. We enjoy steak & kidney pie. You are too pernickety to even try it and therefore don't know what you're missing.
37. Our students study geography
38. We don't let our armed forces recruit in our schools.
39. We don't let our homosexuals recruit in our schools either.
40. We do let the boy scouts recruit in our schools.
41. We are able to settle minor disputes without filling each other with lead.
42. We don't deny healthcare to a large proportion of our population because they can't pay.
43. We don't react to any perceived minor critism or a question of our opinions by accusing the other party of being a "pinko-commie", a "faggot" or a "reee-tord"
44. Our teachers are able to deal with difficult young children without calling the police.
45. Our police (even if they were called to a school) wouldn't dream of tazaring a six year old boy or handcuffing a 10 year old girl (for bringing scissors to school - what's that about then?), nor of locking them up in a cell.
46. Our teachers are able to deal with parents visiting their classrooms without kicking seven shades of excrement out of them.
47. Michael Moore anybody?
48. We play proper football, you....well, I needn't say any more on that subject.
49. We don't have crooks calling themselves TV evangelists, because we are not dumb enough to send them any money.
50. We stopped having mullet haircuts in the 80's
51. We don't marry our cousins & call the offspring Billy-Bob or Mary-Lou
52. We have toilet blocks older than your most historical sites
53. We have a pot plant at Kew Gardens which is older than the USA
54. While we don't have the first amendment, we do seem to respect it more than you do.
55. Michael Jackson.
56. We don't exaggerate our achievements in the 2nd World War.
57. You elected Bill Clinton.
58 You elected Bill Clinton, TWICE! (I mean, come on Yanks! Once is a mistake, twice was just stupid!)
59. We are capable of winning a sports event (oh yes we are!) without chanting "UK! UK! UK! UK! UK! UK! UK!" ceaselessly and intensely irritatingly over and over and over again.
60. We (with a little minor assistance from our Froggy neighbours) conceived, planned, built and financed the Concorde, the finest, fastest & most beautiful airliner the world has ever seen.
61. You, in a typical fit of petty jealousy and America-firstism, strangled commercial supersonic flight at birth by banning Concorde from your airports (and thus markets) on ridiculous environmental grounds (possibly the only time the US has objected to anything for that reason), then announced your own supersonic airline project (which never got built - while even the USSR managed to produce a Concorde rip-off)
62. We do not regard war as a spectator sport.
63. We, a small nation, in the space of a few generations, built the largest Empire the world has ever seen, and then gave it all back. Just for laughs. You, a very large nation, have attempted to dominate the world for the last 50 years and have failed, miserably.
64. We, while still retaining our patriotism, are able to appreciate and applaud the achievements of sportsmen, politicians, scientists and businessmen from other countries.
65. We have our own language that we ourselves invented. You have pinched ours and devalued it appallingly
66. We have given the world, modern democracy, law & order, the English language, the industrial revolution, the world wide web, penicillin, the jet engine and a host of other social and technological breakthroughs too numerous to mention. You have given the world....Mickey Mouse.
67. Is there a Michael Moore in the house?
68. We play cricket, perhaps not the most exciting sport out there I grant you but nonetheless a gentlemanly pursuit. You have baseball. Nuff said.
69. You, often claim, in your brusque, bombastic manner to be "the greatest nation on Earth". We smile silently but say nothing because we KNOW that we are.
70. No British Prime Minister has ever been caught with his pants down in 10 Downing Street.
& one for the pot...
71. We are British. Don-cha-know!
Toodle Pip Chaps.
You are certainly correct about the heathcare not being free in Britain. My husband has WAY more money taken from his paycheck for the good old NHS than our private insurance in the states costs and our private insurance is excellent.
In a time of war, only strong leaders will do. Americans saw who would protect us and who would ask for permission to protect us. Just remember, sKerry didn't get all those votes. They didn't vote for him.....they voted against Bush. Huge difference.
I pray that Britain will make a wise decision in electing a PM. With Islamofacisim spreading in Europe and elsewhere like a wildfire, a strong leader is needed.
1) You have Judy Dench and that jowelly fellow that acts with her in "As Time Goes By." You get double points for them.2) You invented theater, or at least the good kind.
3) You are the birthplace of Western Civilization.
4) You have charming accents.
5) You have all those delightful castles allegedly filled with the ghosts of your royalty, who spent hundreds of generations murdering each other to get the crown.
6) Benny Hill, and the bald guy he taps on the head. And all the half-naked girls.
7) Dr. Who, except in the years when the BBC killed him off again and again.
8) Tony Blair, who started out looking like a squishy, whiney Liberal when he was Bill Clinton's buddy, but who turned out to have more backbone than Thatcher, and almost as much as Churchill.
That said...
Good Natured Responses to Several Reasons why GREAT Britain is miles & miles better than the USA (humour) [sic: "humor"]
1. Michael Moore
Crap. You got me on that one.
3. You invented McDonalds
Beats boiled beef, boiled potatos, boiled greens...
4. Our military are peacemakers.
You are welcome for the Lend Lease, by the way.
5. We know a few things about the U.S., whereas you know next to nothing about the UK.
Hey, many good TV shows come from you. And some kind of liqueur, I think.
9. We can watch TV for ten full minutes without a 15 minute commercial break
We don't pay a fee just to own a TV or radio. And we invented cable.
10. We are 6 times less likely to be murdered in the UK than you are in the US
And we are what, fifty times bigger? (And stopped the Russians by outspending them? Again, you're welcome.)
11. We are 60 times less likely to be shot in the UK than you are in the US
See the above.
12. We don't feel that we have to own firearms to protect ourselves from our own government.
That's why we are no longer a colony. Shame you can't protect yourself from your own criminals.
13. We aren't xenophobic.
How's that thing where your Muslim immigrants are overtaking the native population so that in a century you will have to wear headscarves and hide your heritage? That thing working out for you?
14. Did I mention Michael Moore?
Again, you got us on that one.
15. We don't expect people to like us or respect us, but some of them do. The U.S. seems to have got that back to front.
We aren't used to having people like us or respect us, even though we have saved the world from evil, what, four times now? The world is made largely of ungrateful bastards with short memories, and our opinion of ourselves isn't based on the opinion of others. Hey, for God's sake mate, you live next door to the French...how much do they respect you?
16. British beer doesn't taste like diluted gnats urine.
Maybe so, but then again I don't know what diluted gnat's urine tastes like...how is it that you do?
18. We can drive around corners and most of our cars can manage more than 10 miles to the gallon.
I'm sorry, but what the heck does "drive around corners" mean? And as the Texan said, "Son, you've only got a tiny little country, you don't need powerful cars."
22. We are a net exporter of oil
If we buy any from you, again, you're welcome. If it weren't for the damn liberals, we could drill our own oil over here.
23. We can sometimes see the other guys point of view.
We always see the other guy's point of view. Problem is, it's wrong.
24. Our accents don't sound vulgar.
Two right, so far. You have charming accents, at least in all those TV shows we buy from you.
25. We don't hate people just because they are different to us.
Again, how is that "Muslims outbreeding the native British" thing working out for you?
26. We invented modern democracy, you just pay lip service to it.
Let me see, remember when we voted King George III out of office?
28. We have more attractive women here per head of population than you have.
Explaining your huge movie industry.
29. We don't have the left wing stink hole that is Hollywood.
Bango! Three right so far! But then again, you don't have the profits brought in by a successful film industry, so I guess that works out even.
32. We don't have to buy our drinking water from other countries
We get ours from the Ohio River, cleaned by science we invented. Only a French moron buys water in a bottle. (Evian spelled backwards is "naïve".)
35. Our armed forces are capable of mounting an operation without playing rock music at 120 decibels, shouting "YEAH RIGHT!", or "OH DUDE!" every ten seconds and putting panties on the heads of captives.
And again, you are welcome for that "saving England from Hitler" thing, and the "outspending the Commies into Oblivion because with the World's Largest Economy, We Could Afford To" thing. And those captives would remove your head if they could, so making them "feel bad about themselves" seems a pretty fair trade if it stops a single beheading. No freaking apologies for that one.
36. We enjoy steak & kidney pie. You are too pernickety to even try it and therefore don't know what you're missing.
I don't personally eat organs animals pi$$ through, but if you enjoy that kind of thing, hey, good deal. Might explain the "gnat's pi$$" argument earlier.
37. Our students study geography.
That's Four! But then again, they would have to, being in the middle of a dozen nations that may want your stuff, without the geography of the ocean to protect you. Keep our number on the dialer if you need us.
39. We don't let our homosexuals recruit in our schools either.
That's Five! Do you let Muslims recruit in your schools?
40. We do let the boy scouts recruit in our schools.
That's Six!
41. We are able to settle minor disputes without filling each other with lead.
Us too! But sadly, we have this massive, profitable newsreporting machine over here that has as it's motto, "if it bleeds, it leads." This means that the news that two people in a bar had a low-key, reasonable, intellectual dispute that ended with an impassioned rational argument never gets reported!
42. We don't deny healthcare to a large proportion of our population because they can't pay.
No, you deny it to them because do to the rationing of resources that must be done in any artificially created economy where prices are kept low by fiat, people with lower have to wait in line to get what they really need, except for the rich, who can get whatever care they need.
44. Our teachers are able to deal with difficult young children without calling the police.
That's Seven! You do have corporal punishment for a few more years before the whiney, liberal lawyers force it out of your schools.
45. Our police (even if they were called to a school) wouldn't dream of tazaring a six year old boy or handcuffing a 10 year old girl (for bringing scissors to school - what's that about then?), nor of locking them up in a cell.
One incident in the millions of apprehensions that DON'T get in the news. We might counter that our leaders don't murder five of their wives only to try and produce a male heir. Hey, it must happen all the time over there! I read it in print!
47. Michael Moore anybody?
Won't give you that twice, but you are right.
48. We play proper football, you....well, I needn't say any more on that subject.
And Cricket! Don't forget that "tea and scones" Cricket thing you guys have! I watched it on international cable pay-per-view because everyone on the d@mn planet wants to pay to see those gallant athletes compete in the riveting, hard driving action sport of Cricket! (You see, we do understand irony! Or sarcasm, at least.)
49. We don't have crooks calling themselves TV evangelists, because we are not dumb enough to send them any money.
Actually, the population of TV evangelists is trivial compared to the number of real, living, breathing Christ-believing pastors we have over here in the growing evangelical community, as compared to the huge, empty Cathedrals you have over there as interesting examples of architecture. But you do have the massively growing Muslim community ready to displace the remains of the Christian church in your country, so hey, it evens out.
51. We don't marry our cousins & call the offspring Billy-Bob or Mary-Lou
As someone else noted, no, you don't, but you do have the endless inbreeding between royal lines that produces idiots and bleeders because of the small gene pool, so I really don't think that applies.
52. We have toilet blocks older than your most historical sites.
Given. That's eight! You do have some of the oldest toilets in the world! Good for you!
53. We have a pot plant at Kew Gardens which is older than the USA
And in those two hundred thirty or so years, we saved the world three times, invented the inexpensive car, the lightbulb, and the phone, invented TV, created atomic power, and landed on the moon. How's that cute little pot plant doing?
54. While we don't have the first amendment, we do seem to respect it more than you do.
You, sir, are debating laws that won't let a comedian tell a joke about a rabbi, a priest and a pastor walking into a bar because it might offend a fellow who's culture includes specific instructions to enslave you and murder your family if you don't believe in Allah. How's that for a "First Amendment" for you?
55. Michael Jackson.
That's Nine.
56. We don't exaggerate our achievements in the 2nd World War.
You did an admirable job saving the cradle of civilization. And we don't exaggerate our achievements in the 2nd World War, either, Sonny. Having toilets older than our country, I am surprised you even needed our help.
57. You elected Bill Clinton.
58 You elected Bill Clinton, TWICE! (I mean, come on Yanks! Once is a mistake, twice was just stupid!)
Ten AND Eleven!
59. We are capable of winning a sports event (oh yes we are!) without chanting "UK! UK! UK! UK! UK! UK! UK!" ceaselessly and intensely irritatingly over and over and over again.
And I don't recall massive soccer riots causing death and destruction over here in recent memory. Heck, in our country, soccer is a little girls sport where we reward them for just showing up, and the parents aren't allowed to even complain about the Ref's being blind.
60. We (with a little minor assistance from our Froggy neighbours) conceived, planned, built and financed the Concorde, the finest, fastest & most beautiful airliner the world has ever seen.
That beautiful airliner ever make it to the Moon? And why in the world would you need to fly over to see a young upstart country like us? (There's that irony again!)
63. We, a small nation, in the space of a few generations, built the largest Empire the world has ever seen, and then gave it all back. Just for laughs. You, a very large nation, have attempted to dominate the world for the last 50 years and have failed, miserably.
You, a very small nation, once held the seas in the palm of your hand, and did carry on the largest Empire recent history had ever seen, and then failed to keep it because colonies don't bloody work. We, a laughable collection of Englishmen in a foreign land, proved that to you by firing from behind rocks and trees while you marched out in pretty red coats to be mowed down by spiral bore rifles that fired further than your English ones. We, a very large nation, created Empire on our own continent by being the worst bad-a$$es on the block, forged our nation by hand until it hung together as one, and our civil war was over a hundred fifty years ago. (How's that Belfast thing working out?) We dominate the world just fine though having the largest GDP on earth. We don't NEED and never WANT colonies because they don't bloody work. There is not a country on Earth that we have conquered and haven't poured money into rebuilding, including Japan and Germany, two of the most prosperous democracies on Earth, thanks to us. Thanks to you, again, for standing with us in the war on Terror (which, with the huge Muslim population you have, is a very wise thing.) But don't come lecturing us about Empire.
64. We, while still retaining our patriotism, are able to appreciate and applaud the achievements of sportsmen, politicians, scientists and businessmen from other countries.
While stripping your own sportsmen of the Fox Hunt, I have to notice. Glad you appreciate and applaud them, though.
65. We have our own language that we ourselves invented. You have pinched ours and devalued it appallingly
That would be Twelve. You got me there.
66. We have given the world, modern democracy, law & order, the English language, the industrial revolution, the world wide web, penicillin, the jet engine and a host of other social and technological breakthroughs too numerous to mention. You have given the world....Mickey Mouse.
The Web? Really? I thought that was Al Gore! True, you did give the world the Industrial Revolution, back when the Revolution was gray smokestacks and steam turbines driving clacking Jaquard looms making mechanical lace doilies. We gave the world the cotton gin (first use of standardized parts), the steamboat, the assembly line (allowing mass produced goods), the phone, the TV, the transistor, and a little thing called the Personal Computer. Oh, and for what it is worth, good or ill, Microsoft. I will grant you penicillin and the jet engine, but usually the tactic of "too numerous to mention" is a debating tactic for, well, not mentioning anything.
67. Is there a Michael Moore in the house?
Again, I give you one for this, but this is the third time you've brought him up.
68. We play cricket, perhaps not the most exciting sport out there I grant you but nonetheless a gentlemanly pursuit. You have baseball. Nuff said.
Ours was a gentleman's game...until they found out you could make money on it. I'll give you a rousing Thirteen on that one.
70. No British Prime Minister has ever been caught with his pants down in 10 Downing Street.
Does the name Christine Keeler mean anything to you? The Profumo Affair has gone down the Memory Hole? On the other hand, we don't see the need to have a Royal Family that looks good on TV but well, does nothing really. Though this "democracy" thing, if we don't like the people ruling us, we get rid of them bloodlessly...eventually. (Although, I suppose we could try locking them in a Tower in an iron mask. That might be an enlightened alternative. Or that "iron maiden" thing; we maybe should give that a go if you think it works well.)
71. We are British. Don-cha-know!
Thirteen and a half, based on your past performance and intelligence in fighting Terror along with us! Genuine thanks for that!
British ping.
A little humor to add to your Monday.
Enjoy.
Stand and take your bow.
I think the best are always Italians...
I know it is humor, and I know we all enjoy a jolly chin-wag, but being lectured about "Empire" from a country that no longer owns one just makes me choke on my chips! (Though they did give us Monty Python and Red Dwarf!)
Okay... I have to give you that one :)
"?"
I think he's talking about "Corn Racing". It's a "guy's thing". Heh, heh, heh...
A good English friend of mine once asked me if I knew what they say about an English woman's skirt. One Yank and its down.
If they don't get a handle on their muslim population, they are doomed. Right along with Europe.
I did like Monty Python though.
36. We enjoy steak & kidney pie. You are too pernickety to even try it and therefore don't know what you're missing. -- I have noticed that there a few British dishes made with parts that wouldn't make it off of the slaughterhouse floor here in the States.
Plus we don't have Andrew Lloyd Webber, whose "musicals" are so pretentious and ostentatiously gay that they are almost French.
England, IMHO, has lost a lot of that. Hey, I think that their class system was once a little severe, but at least at one time England believed in England as being better than the 'eathan. Amrerica has re-discovered a belief in itself. I hope we can fan this flame and make us a worldpower again. We believe in ourselves. We can't let libs and naysayers drag us down into relativism again!
I love it....lololol
As far as the world not liking us...I could care less. But we'll probably have to spend American blood again getting them out of the pickel they are getting themselves into.
We have to ask, does England still have a set?
In their help on Iraq, I appreciate all the help we can get.
If it were not for France, germany, Russia and China making a killing off the oil-for-food scam, the war with Iraq maybe could have been avoided. But, they put money and Saddam over their friendship with us. That is something Americans will never forget.
It is the old "if you could stop JFK from being shot, should you?" question. What if no 9-11? Would little nibbles at American Empire have gone on unrepaid? Would W have been another Ike? A kindly, fuddly fellow, memorable as Filmore? I have to think so. As it is, Bin Ladin was led astray by Bubba into thinking Americans never do anything about attacks, and he "woke the sleeping giant." It is so sad that America seems to be the only collosus that still has enough of the God of our Fathers left in it that we clearly see the right and the wrong of the coming storm. I used to think that America and Russia would be Gog and Magog. Now, it looks more and more like America and the children of Mohammed.
"35. Our armed forces are capable of mounting an operation without playing rock music at 120 decibels, shouting "YEAH RIGHT!", or "OH DUDE!" every ten seconds and putting panties on the heads of captives."
No, you use BAGPIPES for God's sake! THAT'S torture!
The U.S. Dollar is worth much more than the British Pound!
(Buy cheap 'BP' gas)
/sarcasm.....ha-ha
1. Michael Moore
- Since he's vehemently ANTI-America, he doesn't count
2. You don't have any custard
- Huh?
3. You invented McDonalds
- Yes... And they are successful restaurants in the UK too!
4, Our military are peacemakers.
- No military is a peacemaker. Militaries exist to kill and destroy the enemy. Period.
5. We know a few things about the U.S., whereas you know next to nothing about the UK.
- True. However, most US public-schooled students hardly know anything about the US either.
6. We have a sense of humour (and we even know how to spell it)
- As do many in the US. John Cleese recently MOVED to the US, didn't he?
7. We don't rely on therapy or Prozac to lead a "normal" life
- Neither do most Americans, outside of Hollywood anyway.
8. We understand irony.
- Ironies such as the nation born out of rebellion against the opression of the UK TWICE returning to defend her against European tyrrany and becoming one of her greatest allies? That kind of irony?
9. We can watch TV for ten full minutes without a 15 minute commercial break
- And just LOOK at how well this is working out for the BBC!
10. We are 6 times less likely to be murdered in the UK than you are in the US
- Probably true.
11. We are 60 times less likely to be shot in the UK than you are in the US
- Probably true.
12. We don't feel that we have to own firearms to protect ourselves from our own government.
- At this point, not so much from the government as 10. and 11. above.
13. We aren't xenophobic
- Since this is a nation built almost entirely on immigration, that's just silly. However, we DON'T want our culture to be destroyed by various immigrants fracturing the country into hundreds of smaller divisions. If you live in America, be an American.
14. Did I mention Michael Moore?
- Did I mention we can't stand him either?
15. We don't expect people to like us or respect us, but some of them do. The U.S. seems to have got that back to front.
- We only expect people to remember what we HAVE done for THEIR countries, as well as what we are CONTINUING to do for them. Like us or not, we're a big reason you don't speak German.
16. British beer doesn't taste like diluted gnats urine.
- Hmm.. Wouldn't know.
17. We don't have rednecks (at least, if we do, they don't actually have red necks)
- Too bad for you. You're missing out on some of the most patriotic, kind-hearted, hard-working, honest, God-fearing people on the planet. The addition of some "rednecks" to the UK would do it good.
18. We can drive around corners and most of our cars can manage more than 10 miles to the gallon.
- You also needed Ford Motor Company to save Jaguar from its laughingstock quality nightmare. Besides, you drive on the wrong side of the road.
19. We are intelligent enough to use a manual gearbox
- What's that? You say you aren't intelligent enough to engineer a working automatic transmission?
20. We are not all obese.
- With mainly British food to eat, it's no wonder!
21. Yorkshire pudding.
- Roast turkey and cornbread stuffing
22. We are a net exporter of oil
...and aren't you glad the US is here to buy some.
23. We can sometimes see the other guys point of view.
- We regularly see others' point of view, then mock, ridicule and deride it promptly!
24. Our accents don't sound vulgar.
...just arrogant
25. We don't hate people just because they are different to us.
- Which is, of course, why you don't have rednecks, and why you love Americans.
26. We have a prettier flag than you.
- Ummm... No.
27. We invented modern democracy, you just pay lip service to it.
- Excuse me while I vomit.
28. We have more attractive women here per head of population than you have.
- You haven't actually BEEN to the US, have you?
29. We don't have the left wing stink hole that is Hollywood.
- Can't argue with that.
30. We are capable of enjoying a film (translation: "movie") in which nobody gets killed every 3 minutes.
- We still like Monty Python though
31. We don't eat raw corn.
- Huh?
32. We don't have to buy our drinking water from other countries
- Outside the Blue Cities, most of us don't either
33. Most of our population realise that there is a world beyond our borders.
- Most of our population realize the rest of the world has been deceived into hating Americans right now.
34. I live here.
- Yes. Yes you do.
35. Our armed forces are capable of mounting an operation without playing rock music at 120 decibels, shouting "YEAH RIGHT!", or "OH DUDE!" every ten seconds and putting panties on the heads of captives.
- ...as long as the UN tells you it's OK.
36. We enjoy steak & kidney pie. You are too pernickety to even try it and therefore don't know what you're missing.
- (See 20)
37. Our students study geography
- American students not in public schools study geography as well
38. We don't let our armed forces recruit in our schools.
- And it shows
39. We don't let our homosexuals recruit in our schools either.
- Are you sure?
40. We do let the boy scouts recruit in our schools.
- Good for you. Really.
41. We are able to settle minor disputes without filling each other with lead.
- So are we! We prefer using an army of lawyers ourselves.
42. We don't deny healthcare to a large proportion of our population because they can't pay.
- Thereby ensuring that EVERYONE pays for an inferior healthcare system.
43. We don't react to any perceived minor critism or a question of our opinions by accusing the other party of being a "pinko-commie", a "faggot" or a "reee-tord"
- British pinhead.
44. Our teachers are able to deal with difficult young children without calling the police.
- Wow. Do your teachers get to carry guns?
45. Our police (even if they were called to a school) wouldn't dream of tazaring a six year old boy or handcuffing a 10 year old girl (for bringing scissors to school - what's that about then?), nor of locking them up in a cell.
- No argument there! Most police in the US are similarly skilled. The rest make the news.
46. Our teachers are able to deal with parents visiting their classrooms without kicking seven shades of excrement out of them.
- I think most of our teachers would be able to restrain themselves to two shades.
47. Michael Moore anybody?
- He's yours! Take him.
48. We play proper football, you....well, I needn't say any more on that subject.
- Yes, well, there simply hasn't been much interest.
49. We don't have crooks calling themselves TV evangelists, because we are not dumb enough to send them any money.
- A fool and his money are soon parted.
50. We stopped having mullet haircuts in the 80's
- Def Leppard stopped touring?
51. We don't marry our cousins & call the offspring Billy-Bob or Mary-Lou
- Of course not! You would name them Angus or Elsie
52. We have toilet blocks older than your most historical sites
- And they smell it too!
53. We have a pot plant at Kew Gardens which is older than the USA
- And after such a head start, we're still winning.
54. While we don't have the first amendment, we do seem to respect it more than you do.
- MmmmmKaaaay.
55. Michael Jackson.
- Ray Charles, Stevie Wonder, Marvin Gaye, Aretha Franklin, BB King, Alicia Keys...
56. We don't exaggerate our achievements in the 2nd World War.
- What's to exaggerate? The USA saved Europe's butt. Again.
57. You elected Bill Clinton.
- I certainly did NOT.
58 You elected Bill Clinton, TWICE! (I mean, come on Yanks! Once is a mistake, twice was just stupid!)
- I certainly did NOT again.
59. We are capable of winning a sports event (oh yes we are!) without chanting "UK! UK! UK! UK! UK! UK! UK!" ceaselessly and intensely irritatingly over and over and over again.
- USA USA USA USA USA USA USA USA USA USA... USA USA USA USA... :-)
60. We (with a little minor assistance from our Froggy neighbours) conceived, planned, built and financed the Concorde, the finest, fastest & most beautiful airliner the world has ever seen.
- ...loudest, most economically unviable...
61. You, in a typical fit of petty jealousy and America-firstism, strangled commercial supersonic flight at birth by banning Concorde from your airports (and thus markets) on ridiculous environmental grounds (possibly the only time the US has objected to anything for that reason), then announced your own supersonic airline project (which never got built - while even the USSR managed to produce a Concorde rip-off)
- ...snif, snif... Mean Americans wouldn't subsidize our wonderfully fast, though economically unviable airplane.
62. We do not regard war as a spectator sport.
- We do not regard hanging dismembered, burned Americans from a bridge as a spectator sport
63. We, a small nation, in the space of a few generations, built the largest Empire the world has ever seen, and then gave it all back. Just for laughs. You, a very large nation, have attempted to dominate the world for the last 50 years and have failed, miserably.
- We have soundly beaten many nations over the years, yet never even tried to build an Empire. We aren't interested in taking over the world. We're interested in stopping evil from taking over the world.
64. We, while still retaining our patriotism, are able to appreciate and applaud the achievements of sportsmen, politicians, scientists and businessmen from other countries.
- There are scientists in other countries?
65. We have our own language that we ourselves invented. You have pinched ours and devalued it appallingly
- Say what? I ain't got no clue what yer sayin'.
66. We have given the world, modern democracy, law & order, the English language, the industrial revolution, the world wide web, penicillin, the jet engine and a host of other social and technological breakthroughs too numerous to mention. You have given the world....Mickey Mouse.
- Oh brother! ...and the airplane, the telephone, the light bulb, the television, the Internet (Thanks to Al Gore!), the sewing machine, the phonograph, the assembly line, the semiconductor, the microprocessor, the computer, the polio vaccine, Polymerase Chain Reaction, the X-Ray tube, Kevlar, the microwave oven, plastic, vulcanized rubber, cyanoacrylates (Super Glue), the photocopier, modern quality control and statistical analysis, the zipper, modern photographic film, the submarine, the machine gun, the bullet-proof vest (see Kevlar), the elevator, radiocarbon dating, silly putty and popsicles. So there.
67. Is there a Michael Moore in the house?
- I sure hope not.
68. We play cricket, perhaps not the most exciting sport out there I grant you but nonetheless a gentlemanly pursuit. You have baseball. Nuff said.
- Americans rejected cricket in its early history for the "New York Game", which became baseball. Besides, players from some of the British Colonies are better than the Brits at this too.
69. You, often claim, in your brusque, bombastic manner to be "the greatest nation on Earth". We smile silently but say nothing because we KNOW that we are.
- Whatever. Pinhead. ;-)
70. No British Prime Minister has ever been caught with his pants down in 10 Downing Street.
- Emphasis on the word "caught"? Shall we add the word "yet" to the end?
& one for the pot...
71. We are British. Don-cha-know!
- And that seals it! The USA *IS* best! :-)
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