1. Michael Moore
- Since he's vehemently ANTI-America, he doesn't count
2. You don't have any custard
- Huh?
3. You invented McDonalds
- Yes... And they are successful restaurants in the UK too!
4, Our military are peacemakers.
- No military is a peacemaker. Militaries exist to kill and destroy the enemy. Period.
5. We know a few things about the U.S., whereas you know next to nothing about the UK.
- True. However, most US public-schooled students hardly know anything about the US either.
6. We have a sense of humour (and we even know how to spell it)
- As do many in the US. John Cleese recently MOVED to the US, didn't he?
7. We don't rely on therapy or Prozac to lead a "normal" life
- Neither do most Americans, outside of Hollywood anyway.
8. We understand irony.
- Ironies such as the nation born out of rebellion against the opression of the UK TWICE returning to defend her against European tyrrany and becoming one of her greatest allies? That kind of irony?
9. We can watch TV for ten full minutes without a 15 minute commercial break
- And just LOOK at how well this is working out for the BBC!
10. We are 6 times less likely to be murdered in the UK than you are in the US
- Probably true.
11. We are 60 times less likely to be shot in the UK than you are in the US
- Probably true.
12. We don't feel that we have to own firearms to protect ourselves from our own government.
- At this point, not so much from the government as 10. and 11. above.
13. We aren't xenophobic
- Since this is a nation built almost entirely on immigration, that's just silly. However, we DON'T want our culture to be destroyed by various immigrants fracturing the country into hundreds of smaller divisions. If you live in America, be an American.
14. Did I mention Michael Moore?
- Did I mention we can't stand him either?
15. We don't expect people to like us or respect us, but some of them do. The U.S. seems to have got that back to front.
- We only expect people to remember what we HAVE done for THEIR countries, as well as what we are CONTINUING to do for them. Like us or not, we're a big reason you don't speak German.
16. British beer doesn't taste like diluted gnats urine.
- Hmm.. Wouldn't know.
17. We don't have rednecks (at least, if we do, they don't actually have red necks)
- Too bad for you. You're missing out on some of the most patriotic, kind-hearted, hard-working, honest, God-fearing people on the planet. The addition of some "rednecks" to the UK would do it good.
18. We can drive around corners and most of our cars can manage more than 10 miles to the gallon.
- You also needed Ford Motor Company to save Jaguar from its laughingstock quality nightmare. Besides, you drive on the wrong side of the road.
19. We are intelligent enough to use a manual gearbox
- What's that? You say you aren't intelligent enough to engineer a working automatic transmission?
20. We are not all obese.
- With mainly British food to eat, it's no wonder!
21. Yorkshire pudding.
- Roast turkey and cornbread stuffing
22. We are a net exporter of oil
...and aren't you glad the US is here to buy some.
23. We can sometimes see the other guys point of view.
- We regularly see others' point of view, then mock, ridicule and deride it promptly!
24. Our accents don't sound vulgar.
...just arrogant
25. We don't hate people just because they are different to us.
- Which is, of course, why you don't have rednecks, and why you love Americans.
26. We have a prettier flag than you.
- Ummm... No.
27. We invented modern democracy, you just pay lip service to it.
- Excuse me while I vomit.
28. We have more attractive women here per head of population than you have.
- You haven't actually BEEN to the US, have you?
29. We don't have the left wing stink hole that is Hollywood.
- Can't argue with that.
30. We are capable of enjoying a film (translation: "movie") in which nobody gets killed every 3 minutes.
- We still like Monty Python though
31. We don't eat raw corn.
- Huh?
32. We don't have to buy our drinking water from other countries
- Outside the Blue Cities, most of us don't either
33. Most of our population realise that there is a world beyond our borders.
- Most of our population realize the rest of the world has been deceived into hating Americans right now.
34. I live here.
- Yes. Yes you do.
35. Our armed forces are capable of mounting an operation without playing rock music at 120 decibels, shouting "YEAH RIGHT!", or "OH DUDE!" every ten seconds and putting panties on the heads of captives.
- ...as long as the UN tells you it's OK.
36. We enjoy steak & kidney pie. You are too pernickety to even try it and therefore don't know what you're missing.
- (See 20)
37. Our students study geography
- American students not in public schools study geography as well
38. We don't let our armed forces recruit in our schools.
- And it shows
39. We don't let our homosexuals recruit in our schools either.
- Are you sure?
40. We do let the boy scouts recruit in our schools.
- Good for you. Really.
41. We are able to settle minor disputes without filling each other with lead.
- So are we! We prefer using an army of lawyers ourselves.
42. We don't deny healthcare to a large proportion of our population because they can't pay.
- Thereby ensuring that EVERYONE pays for an inferior healthcare system.
43. We don't react to any perceived minor critism or a question of our opinions by accusing the other party of being a "pinko-commie", a "faggot" or a "reee-tord"
- British pinhead.
44. Our teachers are able to deal with difficult young children without calling the police.
- Wow. Do your teachers get to carry guns?
45. Our police (even if they were called to a school) wouldn't dream of tazaring a six year old boy or handcuffing a 10 year old girl (for bringing scissors to school - what's that about then?), nor of locking them up in a cell.
- No argument there! Most police in the US are similarly skilled. The rest make the news.
46. Our teachers are able to deal with parents visiting their classrooms without kicking seven shades of excrement out of them.
- I think most of our teachers would be able to restrain themselves to two shades.
47. Michael Moore anybody?
- He's yours! Take him.
48. We play proper football, you....well, I needn't say any more on that subject.
- Yes, well, there simply hasn't been much interest.
49. We don't have crooks calling themselves TV evangelists, because we are not dumb enough to send them any money.
- A fool and his money are soon parted.
50. We stopped having mullet haircuts in the 80's
- Def Leppard stopped touring?
51. We don't marry our cousins & call the offspring Billy-Bob or Mary-Lou
- Of course not! You would name them Angus or Elsie
52. We have toilet blocks older than your most historical sites
- And they smell it too!
53. We have a pot plant at Kew Gardens which is older than the USA
- And after such a head start, we're still winning.
54. While we don't have the first amendment, we do seem to respect it more than you do.
- MmmmmKaaaay.
55. Michael Jackson.
- Ray Charles, Stevie Wonder, Marvin Gaye, Aretha Franklin, BB King, Alicia Keys...
56. We don't exaggerate our achievements in the 2nd World War.
- What's to exaggerate? The USA saved Europe's butt. Again.
57. You elected Bill Clinton.
- I certainly did NOT.
58 You elected Bill Clinton, TWICE! (I mean, come on Yanks! Once is a mistake, twice was just stupid!)
- I certainly did NOT again.
59. We are capable of winning a sports event (oh yes we are!) without chanting "UK! UK! UK! UK! UK! UK! UK!" ceaselessly and intensely irritatingly over and over and over again.
- USA USA USA USA USA USA USA USA USA USA... USA USA USA USA... :-)
60. We (with a little minor assistance from our Froggy neighbours) conceived, planned, built and financed the Concorde, the finest, fastest & most beautiful airliner the world has ever seen.
- ...loudest, most economically unviable...
61. You, in a typical fit of petty jealousy and America-firstism, strangled commercial supersonic flight at birth by banning Concorde from your airports (and thus markets) on ridiculous environmental grounds (possibly the only time the US has objected to anything for that reason), then announced your own supersonic airline project (which never got built - while even the USSR managed to produce a Concorde rip-off)
- ...snif, snif... Mean Americans wouldn't subsidize our wonderfully fast, though economically unviable airplane.
62. We do not regard war as a spectator sport.
- We do not regard hanging dismembered, burned Americans from a bridge as a spectator sport
63. We, a small nation, in the space of a few generations, built the largest Empire the world has ever seen, and then gave it all back. Just for laughs. You, a very large nation, have attempted to dominate the world for the last 50 years and have failed, miserably.
- We have soundly beaten many nations over the years, yet never even tried to build an Empire. We aren't interested in taking over the world. We're interested in stopping evil from taking over the world.
64. We, while still retaining our patriotism, are able to appreciate and applaud the achievements of sportsmen, politicians, scientists and businessmen from other countries.
- There are scientists in other countries?
65. We have our own language that we ourselves invented. You have pinched ours and devalued it appallingly
- Say what? I ain't got no clue what yer sayin'.
66. We have given the world, modern democracy, law & order, the English language, the industrial revolution, the world wide web, penicillin, the jet engine and a host of other social and technological breakthroughs too numerous to mention. You have given the world....Mickey Mouse.
- Oh brother! ...and the airplane, the telephone, the light bulb, the television, the Internet (Thanks to Al Gore!), the sewing machine, the phonograph, the assembly line, the semiconductor, the microprocessor, the computer, the polio vaccine, Polymerase Chain Reaction, the X-Ray tube, Kevlar, the microwave oven, plastic, vulcanized rubber, cyanoacrylates (Super Glue), the photocopier, modern quality control and statistical analysis, the zipper, modern photographic film, the submarine, the machine gun, the bullet-proof vest (see Kevlar), the elevator, radiocarbon dating, silly putty and popsicles. So there.
67. Is there a Michael Moore in the house?
- I sure hope not.
68. We play cricket, perhaps not the most exciting sport out there I grant you but nonetheless a gentlemanly pursuit. You have baseball. Nuff said.
- Americans rejected cricket in its early history for the "New York Game", which became baseball. Besides, players from some of the British Colonies are better than the Brits at this too.
69. You, often claim, in your brusque, bombastic manner to be "the greatest nation on Earth". We smile silently but say nothing because we KNOW that we are.
- Whatever. Pinhead. ;-)
70. No British Prime Minister has ever been caught with his pants down in 10 Downing Street.
- Emphasis on the word "caught"? Shall we add the word "yet" to the end?
& one for the pot...
71. We are British. Don-cha-know!
- And that seals it! The USA *IS* best! :-)
America is the best. God bless this great nation, and keep her filled with people like those on this thread.
- Ironies such as the nation born out of rebellion against the opression of the UK TWICE returning to defend her against European tyrrany and becoming one of her greatest allies? That kind of irony?
More the irony how a nation that helped the US once - Once - then was the first to go to war against it 10 years later, is viewed as "America's traditional and oldest ally"