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Stripper shortage a national disgrace
The Toronto Star ^ | Dec 2, 2004 | Linwood Barclay

Posted on 12/01/2004 2:30:28 PM PST by JusPasenThru

Rather than give Immigration Minister Judy Sgro a hard time about whether or not she greased the pole, as it were, to fast-track the process to allow a Romanian stripper to stay in Canada, we need to be taking a look at the bigger issue: Why is Canada unable to meet the demand for exotic dancers on its own?

What is lacking in our national character that we cannot turn out enough people who can figure out how to take off their clothes? Are we so lacking in skills that we do not know how to pull down a zipper, unhook a bra, unsnap a garter, or roll down a stocking? Is it not a source of national shame that we must import people to do this kind of work? What does this say about us?

Nothing good, I think.

Who knew things would get so bad that Ottawa would have to come up with a stripper visa program to deal with the shortage of exotic dancers in this country? Last year, 500 Romanian women got such visas, and thank heavens they did, otherwise thousands of Canadian men would have had spend their household grocery money on booze without any entertainment to help justify it.

The opposition parties up in Ottawa are trying to discredit the Liberal immigration minister and members of her staff for allegedly meeting with strip club owners wanting help with this problem, and for a ministerial permit Sgro supposedly gave a Romanian stripper who worked on her election campaign. If Stephen Harper thinks we shouldn't be bringing in strippers from overseas, what is he doing about ensuring that these sorts of skills are taught at home? Not much, evidently.

How often have we heard politicians demanding that our schools be more competitive? How often have we had our students' test scores compared to those of kids from, say, Japan? It's seen as nothing less than a national crisis when we hear that some children in Tokyo have done better on a fractions test than some students in a classroom in Toronto. But when people from overseas beat us, pants down, in the stripping competition, no one seems to care.

Perhaps, to be fair, stripping is a skill that simply does not come naturally to Canadians, male or female. We have become so accustomed to layering that removing clothing goes against everything we know.

Many strip clubs, to their credit, have been willing to let Canadians audition. But by the time most locals have finished their act, you can hardly see the dancers onstage, hidden as they are by parkas, snowpants, and fur-trimmed boots.

"There seems to be," said one strip club owner, "a lack of understanding of the process. They start their act in a skirt and blouse and heels, and by the time they're done, they're ready to go snowboarding."

It may not be that taking off one's clothes offends Canadians' sensibilities. It may not be a moral issue at all. We may not like to take off our clothes because once we do, we're cold, especially when you do it in a big, open room. And it may not even be that we're incompetent when it comes to the intricacies of undoing laces and buttons and zippers and snaps. It's just that it's very hard to do that sort of detail work when you're wearing Thinsulate gloves.

It's possible we may never be able to compete against the Romanians, if it's true that they send their kids to school in winter without mitts or scarves as a way of preparing them for a better life someday in Canada.

So let's just cut Judy Sgro and her office some slack. If we're not willing to tackle the tough jobs ourselves, we can't go blaming those who make sure there's someone here to do them.


TOPICS: News/Current Events
KEYWORDS: canucks; shortage; stripper
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To: JusPasenThru
"Stop your grinnin'...and drop that linen."

Regards,

41 posted on 12/01/2004 2:50:23 PM PST by Jimmy Valentine (DemocRATS - when they speak, they lie; when they are silent, they are stealing the American Dream)
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To: Billthedrill
Helen Thomas prancing nekkid in a toque. Is Canada ready for that? Are we?

After surviving the horror of the singing bellybuttons, I'd say we're ready for anything.

42 posted on 12/01/2004 2:50:47 PM PST by Prime Choice (I like Democrats, too. Let's exchange recipes.)
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To: Former Proud Canadian

---must be the aging population or something. About twenty five years ago , I had a discussion with a "dancer" in a Vancouver, BC, nude joint who was a farm girl from Alberta who indicated that most of her contemporaries were the same --farm girls looking for a way off the farm.


43 posted on 12/01/2004 2:50:50 PM PST by rellimpank
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To: RockinRight; JusPasenThru
"Perhaps, to be fair, stripping is a skill that simply does not come naturally to Canadians, male or female. We have become so accustomed to layering that removing clothing goes against everything we know."

Headline:

Canada's birth rate at all-time low

Click Here for full story:


Need we say more?

44 posted on 12/01/2004 2:51:08 PM PST by QwertyKPH
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To: dfwgator

I've been in clubs in Windsor (in my younger days), looked around at the action in the dark recesses, and expected the vice squad to bust in at any time. Never happens, though.


45 posted on 12/01/2004 2:51:18 PM PST by Former Proud Canadian (.)
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To: FastCoyote
Strip Club news is always of interest to me in Las Vegas.

Had my bachelor party at Club Saphire (I think that's the name- new, gigantic club). Vegas might be my favorite place in the world.

46 posted on 12/01/2004 2:51:38 PM PST by Modernman (Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. --Benjamin Franklin)
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To: Former Proud Canadian

yeah... I guess that was kinda what I thought... I just get amazed that some people can be so blatent about it.


47 posted on 12/01/2004 2:51:40 PM PST by Americanwolf (www.geocities.com/arizonapatriots/ArizonaPatriots.html.. Serving those who serve us.)
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To: Modernman
...they should at least be hot and know how to dance in 5' stilletoes...

Geesh, your standards are high! I, personally, would be satisfied if they could dance in 5" stilletos... ;-)

48 posted on 12/01/2004 2:52:39 PM PST by BoilermakerCAengineerguy
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To: BoilermakerCAengineerguy

The one-inch Sorrels I wouldn't mind too much either...


49 posted on 12/01/2004 2:53:54 PM PST by Trainfish
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To: nicollo
Oh, Lord, help me, I'm one of you... Put me on your ping list.

Anybody who says "Oh, Lord, help me," except in the sense of the young St. Augustine, probably shouldn't be on the list...

50 posted on 12/01/2004 2:54:14 PM PST by FredZarguna (Free markets. Free Speech. Free Minds. But no Free Lunch.)
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To: Modernman

"as well as border towns like Niagara and Windsor.

Or so I've been told."

Sarnia, too. Or so I've been told.


51 posted on 12/01/2004 2:56:38 PM PST by Larry Lucido
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To: TheBigB

Is a Candian male a HOSER...and a Canadian female a HOSERETTE?

Or are they ALL just HOSERS up there?


52 posted on 12/01/2004 2:58:11 PM PST by Dat Mon (clever tagline under construction)
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To: Americanwolf

The article is a satire, but the scandal is true.


53 posted on 12/01/2004 2:59:20 PM PST by Conservative Canuck (The Voice of One Crying in the Wilderness)
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To: FredZarguna

We could send them Bill Clinton, he knpws how to pull a zipper down: Of course he doesnt know how to keep one up.


54 posted on 12/01/2004 2:59:24 PM PST by sgtbono2002
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To: Former Proud Canadian

One day after 9-11 I volunteered to assist U.S. Customs on the Detroit side of the Tunnel on a Saturday night/Sunday morning midnight shift. Between 3-4 am quite a few carloads of girls admitted to being on the way back from Danny's.


55 posted on 12/01/2004 3:01:16 PM PST by Larry Lucido
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To: QwertyKPH

The most accurate gauge of a socity's decline is it's de-population activities, and judging by Canada's promotion of abortion, birth-control, low fertility rates and overall stupidity, I'd say the Canucks won't be around much longer, 100 years tops.


56 posted on 12/01/2004 3:01:39 PM PST by wrathof59 (semper ubi sub ubi)
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To: Larry Lucido

Forgot about Sarnia. That's where we used to go when I was living in Rochester Hills.


57 posted on 12/01/2004 3:01:59 PM PST by Modernman (Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. --Benjamin Franklin)
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To: sgtbono2002
We could send them Bill Clinton, he knpws how to pull a zipper down: Of course he doesnt know how to keep one up.

It doesn't even get that far. Is it just me, or did he not even know what to do once the zipper came down?

58 posted on 12/01/2004 3:02:50 PM PST by FredZarguna (Free markets. Free Speech. Free Minds. But no Free Lunch.)
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To: Modernman; little jeremiah
Canada is the holy land of strip clubs. Especially Montreal and Toronto, as well as border towns like Niagara and Windsor. Fully nude, touchable lap dances for $20 Canadian. An international supply of talent. And, in various clubs in Montreal, "Full Service."

Or so I've been told.

Modernman, why doesn't it surprise me you would know things like that ?

But seriously, isn't the Canadian stripper shortage probably due to something more prosaic ? Once when I was in Alberta for a month, I noticed how many blondes there were. Blondes are not native in large numbers to the cities of blue America. They have to be imported from the heartland. So a Canadian blonde's prospects are better in New York or LA where she will command a trophy premium than they would be back home where blondes are plentiful.

59 posted on 12/01/2004 3:12:45 PM PST by Sam the Sham
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To: Sam the Sham

Fort Worth, Texas does not have such a problem. You cannot swing a dead cat over your head without hitting a tittie bar or totally nude strip joint. I was just days away from buying one there when I was busted by a Joint Customs/FBI/DEA Task Force. As a 90% cash business, it was perfect money laundering opportunity.


60 posted on 12/01/2004 3:18:34 PM PST by speed_addiction (Ninja's last words, "Hey guys. Watch me just flip out on that big dude over there!")
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