Posted on 11/17/2004 6:00:12 AM PST by kralcmot
AOL Admits 40% of Subscribers Don't Have Computers
Leading internet provider America Online (AOL) has confirmed a stunning statistic leaked by a dissatisfied employee last week, in documents sold to Fox News for an undisclosed sum.
"Well, I got the disk in the mail, and it said if I wanted to subscribed I should send money to these people," said Carl Lewen, an AOL subscriber in Kentucky who does not own a computer. "It never said anything about having to do anything with the disk. I thought it was kind of like a souvenir."
According to the documents obtained by Fox, AOL became aware as early as 2001 that a substantial portion of its subscribers had no idea what a computer was, much less how to use one.
"The fact that they opted not only to keep these clients, but actually pursue such customers with increasing aggressiveness, bespeaks a serious ethical collapse at AOL," said Wired News analyst Mary Kowshik.
AOL was able to get away with this, apparently, because so many people are unclear as to what the internet is, or what benefits to expect from an online account.
"I kind of thought it was like subscribing to the yellow pages," said Lewen. "We kept getting copies of the phone book, so I thought AOL was doing that. I also wanted the virus protection, because it was flu season."
It is unclear whether any charges will be filed against AOL. The only complaint on record at the Internet Fraud Complaint Center is from a dissatisfied AOL subscriber who grumbled that its vaunted pop-up blocking service failed to counteract her husband's Cialis.
(Excerpt) Read more at watleyreview.com ...
(snip)In IT we call AOL internet for dummies.
Maybe they're not all dumb, one of my uncles had free internet service for years by simply using the free hours sent to on those disks by AOL and some of thier competitors.
I'm surprised AOL is still in business. It's the most annoying ISP available. They prey on newbies IMHO. I think selling AOL short might be a good idea.
Which is what makes great satire.....BTW, it doesn't say much for AOL.
I think I saw a Martha Stewart type project where a wreath was made from the discs... it actually looked pretty nice!
That number seems a tad low. I demand an audit!
The Watley Review is dedicated to the production of articles completely without journalistic merit or factual basis, as this would entail leaving our chairs or actually working.
Funny.
They left out the part about second class customers.
Early on, in a fit of passion AOL bought Netscape, the browser company. Today AOL sells Netscape brand IP connectivity for $9.95. These are the second class customers who don't get the real AOL package that costs more than twice as much.
Or alternatively, AOL is losing so many subscribers it went in business competing with itself with a cheaper product that will ultimately replace the expensive service.
One wonders wh they did not just cut their price by 60%.
When I cancelled AOL they continued to debit my checking account. It took me months to get my money back. I will NEVER EVER do business with them again. I believe this story 100%.
Uhmmm, you can't sign up for AOL without logging in to their site.
You do realize this is a spoof article right?
40% of AOL Users aren't subscribers. So it evens out.
Whatever you do, don't read the posts on this thread then. You'll walk away more than a little embarrassed.
This is a joke, right?
A friend of mine uses them as target practice on the archery range. :-)
It appears that several people already have. :=)
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