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AOL Admits 40% of Subscribers Don't Have Computers
the Watley review ^ | 11-16-2204 | the Watley Review

Posted on 11/17/2004 6:00:12 AM PST by kralcmot

AOL Admits 40% of Subscribers Don't Have Computers

Leading internet provider America Online (AOL) has confirmed a stunning statistic leaked by a dissatisfied employee last week, in documents sold to Fox News for an undisclosed sum.

"Well, I got the disk in the mail, and it said if I wanted to subscribed I should send money to these people," said Carl Lewen, an AOL subscriber in Kentucky who does not own a computer. "It never said anything about having to do anything with the disk. I thought it was kind of like a souvenir."

According to the documents obtained by Fox, AOL became aware as early as 2001 that a substantial portion of its subscribers had no idea what a computer was, much less how to use one.

"The fact that they opted not only to keep these clients, but actually pursue such customers with increasing aggressiveness, bespeaks a serious ethical collapse at AOL," said Wired News analyst Mary Kowshik.

AOL was able to get away with this, apparently, because so many people are unclear as to what the internet is, or what benefits to expect from an online account.

"I kind of thought it was like subscribing to the yellow pages," said Lewen. "We kept getting copies of the phone book, so I thought AOL was doing that. I also wanted the virus protection, because it was flu season."

It is unclear whether any charges will be filed against AOL. The only complaint on record at the Internet Fraud Complaint Center is from a dissatisfied AOL subscriber who grumbled that its vaunted pop-up blocking service failed to counteract her husband's Cialis.



(Excerpt) Read more at watleyreview.com ...


TOPICS: Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: aol; computers; hoax; humoralert; idiots; joke; newbie; notnews; nottrue; parody; rumor; vikingkitties; zottthistroll
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To: kralcmot

I believed this article was serious. I just didn't believe it was true.

Kinda like CBS, NYT, LAT, CNN


41 posted on 11/17/2004 6:25:10 AM PST by Atlas Sneezed (Your Friendly Freeper Patent Attorney)
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To: kralcmot

I have to disagree -- not about the disreputable business practices, but about Instant Messenger! I HATE IM. I'm working away deep in my thoughts and IM pops up on the screen (or it used to when I belonged to AOL). I have to stop what I'm doing and engage in banter with someone. Then, you never know when they have left. Grrrrr. My computer time has been interrupted and they have jsut disappeared.

I now belong to MSN and I deliberately NEVER turn on the IM feature. Every time I log on it tells me that there is someting wrong with the NET service, and I just cancel it. I haven't been bothered by friend or relative since.

If you want to talk to me, use the phone, or send an email. Just don't interrupt what I am doing on the computer and demand instant attention.

End of rant!

Otherwise, this confession from AOL is simply outrageous. I bought a computer for my 90 year old mother a couple of years ago, hoping that we could include her in our emails. She never learned to use it and AOL terrified her with their offers. I'd paid for a year in advance, but they just kept badgering her. Finally we took the computer away and said goodbye to AOL.


42 posted on 11/17/2004 6:25:16 AM PST by afraidfortherepublic
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To: Gorzaloon
Figures don't lie, but liars DO figure. I have an AOL subscription, and I have TWO computers. Pair me up with one of those subscribers who has ZERO computers, and ON AVERAGE, we have one computer each.

Quod erat demonstrandum.

43 posted on 11/17/2004 6:25:26 AM PST by ReadyNow (When you see the eye, expect a lie!)
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To: kralcmot

"I kind of thought it was like subscribing to the yellow pages," said Lewen. "We kept getting copies of the phone book, so I thought AOL was doing that. I also wanted the virus protection, because it was flu season."


This has to be a joke!


44 posted on 11/17/2004 6:25:44 AM PST by dawn53
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To: kralcmot
According to the documents obtained by Fox, AOL became aware as early as 2001 that a substantial portion of its subscribers had no idea what a computer was, much less how to use one.

I know this article is fake. But in my experience, I do believe the last part of this statement.

45 posted on 11/17/2004 6:26:28 AM PST by Mannaggia l'America
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To: 2banana

Oh good grief! You all caught me. I'd better be careful, or I might want to vote Democrat in the future, I'm so gullible. But I don't take back what I said about AOL.Those are true stories.


46 posted on 11/17/2004 6:27:23 AM PST by afraidfortherepublic
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To: ReadyNow

AOL IS A JOKE

I have canceled by subscription starting Dec.2nd....The left wing bias just got tooooooooooooo much


47 posted on 11/17/2004 6:32:20 AM PST by skaterboy
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To: DouglasKC
This was right on the edge of believability

How come this statement doesn't supprise me??

What a Maroon. :)

BigMack

48 posted on 11/17/2004 6:40:00 AM PST by PayNoAttentionManBehindCurtain
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To: kralcmot
"Well, I got the disk in the mail, and it said if I wanted to subscribed I should send money to these people," said Carl Lewen, an AOL subscriber in Kentucky who does not own a computer. "It never said anything about having to do anything with the disk. I thought it was kind of like a souvenir."

Someone give this guy his sign.

49 posted on 11/17/2004 6:46:14 AM PST by Phantom Lord (Advantages are taken, not handed out)
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To: TheBigB
"I kind of thought it was like subscribing to the yellow pages," said Lewen. "We kept getting copies of the phone book, so I thought AOL was doing that. I also wanted the virus protection, because it was flu season."

It is kind of difficult to pick out satire based on quotes like these. Have you ever listened to Stupid Moron Trivia?

50 posted on 11/17/2004 6:46:25 AM PST by Naspino (Not creative enough to have a tagline.)
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To: kralcmot
LOL! This is hillarious! It's a well-disguised hoax, because we all know people who are that naive and ignorant.
51 posted on 11/17/2004 6:48:32 AM PST by TChris (You keep using that word. I don't think it means what you think it means.)
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To: kralcmot
"I kind of thought it was like subscribing to the yellow pages," said Lewen. "We kept getting copies of the phone book, so I thought AOL was doing that. I also wanted the virus protection, because it was flu season."

Me too and I don't have a computer either.

52 posted on 11/17/2004 6:50:01 AM PST by RGSpincich
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To: RGSpincich

No computer? No worries...just make sure you are logged in!


53 posted on 11/17/2004 6:52:18 AM PST by xp38
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To: kralcmot

I suggest strongly that freepers who post crap like this either START with "SPOOF/PARODY" in the title or face immediate transfer to the DU where they enjoy "Garbage in - Garbage out"


54 posted on 11/17/2004 7:03:18 AM PST by steplock (http://www.outoftimeradio.org)
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To: steplock

LOL


55 posted on 11/17/2004 7:04:01 AM PST by cyborg
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To: glock rocks

I see them flipping in the breeze on sailboats in the marina. I think the discs are used to keep birds from pooping on the decks...


56 posted on 11/17/2004 7:06:01 AM PST by oldironsides
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To: All

I've been on an anti-AOL crusade for years now, I despise them terribly, and I gloat at the fact that nearly every printing of the New York Post has some bad news for AOL in its business section, and let me say this: Considering how stupid you have to be to pay so much for something so bad, the writer of this spoof article may be closer to the truth than he thinks.

Considering how fast AOL's losing customers, pretty soon the only ones they'll have left will be those "yellow book" subscribers.


57 posted on 11/17/2004 7:06:39 AM PST by TheRatHunter
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To: glock rocks
AOL CDs make wonderful frisbees, magpie deflectors, and gun range targets. Collect the whole set :o)

I used to like it when they sent me all of those floppy disks, I never had to buy any, just use the ones AOL sent me.

58 posted on 11/17/2004 7:08:16 AM PST by rllngrk33 (The fourth estate is now the propaganda wing of the Democratic Party.)
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To: kralcmot

I sure like my new coffee cup holder on my new computer.

It just pops out when I push a button.


59 posted on 11/17/2004 7:09:45 AM PST by HuntsvilleTxVeteran (Dan Rather called Saddam "Mister President and President Bush "bush")
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To: kralcmot

Oh goody, now FreeRepublic is now involved in spreading hoaxes over the net.


60 posted on 11/17/2004 7:11:04 AM PST by Protagoras (No wonder we have problems, big tents have lots of clowns inside)
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