I've got some really BREAKING NEWS -- please read on
Hmmm, have you noticed something -- something really incredible? By my lights, it ought to be the biggest story of the week, and it's this: Iraq has been completely fixed! Or things there have improved dramatically -- in just one week. No, I've not gone completely bananas. But don't take my word for it. Check it out yourself. Grab a mouse and take a quick tour of, say, the Washington Post. Notice something strange about their Homepage? Notice how cluttered it is with news about something other than Iraq -- albeit, sad news about a major train wreck in Boston . . . oops, that's the Democrat convention. Sorry. Anyway, you'd have to scroll down, way down Berger's pants -- er, the page -- to find anything about Iraq, such as, say, a car bombing in Baquba (which the media has probably ruled an accident because, again, you really have to search to find it posted anywhere.) Anyway, Iraq must have been fixed last Friday, because that's when news from there mostly disappeared. Now, maybe it was sloppily and inadvertently shoved down Berger's socks, but I don't think so.
I don't think so because, strangely, it's the same story over at the New York Times. Headlines are all about the convention. With Polls Showing a Tied Race, Democrats Confident they have November in the Bag. Or, Kerry Sees Hope of Gaining Edge on Terror Issue by Revealing He Served in Vietnam. Or, Kerry Confident his Vietnam Medals will Outshine Bush. Yes, I sexed-up the titles a bit, but you get the picture. I checked CBS News -- dittos. Homepage almost entirely devoted to the convention. Barely a mention about Iraq. Now, normally Iraq news crowds-out almost all other news at these sites. On a typical day, you'd find the usual catalog of what's going wrong over there and why Bush, not Saddam, is the real bad guy here. Then, just below, still more Iraq news, with headlines like, Radical Cleric Moqtada al-Sadr Sneezes!. Or, Baghdad Hotel loses Power for Hours!!!. Or, Iraqi Wedding Ruined by Noisy U.S. Chopper Flying By!!!!. The point being that it doesn't take something like, Halliburton Kidnaps Girlie Men Rebels: Threatens Beheadings Unless Profits Improve to grab attention at the Post, the Times, CBS, etc. And boy, oh boy are reporters crotchety when it comes to Iraq. If you dare point this out, or gently explain how their anti-war bent taints the coverage, they snap back with, "You said something I didn't say. Now shove it!" Unbelievable.
TV? Same deal -- it's Democrat convention coverage, 24/7. Iraq gets hardly a mention. Even Dan Rather isn't leading with 'DISASTER IN IRAQ!' every night anymore, devoting his energies to the convention in Boston, now that Iraq has been fixed. (Although, did you see that horrifying new video? Again, they were wearing masks -- oh wait, that's the Democrat convention again.) Speaking of the convention -- Wow! Talk about excitement! The walls were shaking like John Kerry watching Teresa talk to reporters. When Al Gore took the stage, the crowd erupted -- the crowd of Republicans at the RNC, recalling what happened the last time someone got Gore's endorsement. (Who was that guy again? Dean?)
Seriously though, did you catch opening night? (I bet some of you couldn't wait not to watch.) No less than three featured performers took center-stage at the FleeceCenter, or FleetCenter (whatever), all three of them former presidents: Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton and Hillary Clinton. From audience reaction, the night's top performer -- the night's most phenomenal solo act -- was Bill Clinton, who's speech I think was titled, The Vagina monologue. He brought the crowd to its knees. Nine times his speech was interrupted by kneeling ovations. With typical humility, he congratulated himself for outstanding achievements as president, excoriating Bush as a dangerous right-wing extremist who loves labeling others.(Clinton had planned to tout Kerry's Senate record, but nobody can seem to find it. Sandy Berger's pants again?)
After 9/11, Bush "had an amazing opportunity to bring the country together," noted Clinton, who did bring the country together with a MASSIVE 49% of the vote in '96. Instead Bush, with job ratings barely cracking 90%, chose "to push the country too far to the right," enacting McCain-Feingold, a Medicare drug benefit and federalizing airport screeners and other crazy right wing legislation. (Watch out, Clinton warns. Next thing you know Bush will be saying, 'the era of Big Government is over' or something.) Clinton accused Bush of trying to "concentrate wealth and power in the hands" of rich people -- leaving people like Teresa Heinz and George Soros to fend for themselves. Democrats hope having Clinton as the headliner got voters nostalgic for the most ethical administration in history.
Bill Clinton is still so enormously popular, party strategists said it was a good thing to have Clinton speak on Monday, early on, that way damage to the party would be over by the time Kerry speaks on Thursday.
To reassure Americans they're serious about carrying on the fight against Islamofascist regimes like Iran, Democrats put on Jimmy Carter, who reminisced of how strong and proud America stood when he was president, only to suffer humiliation under that bumbler, Ronald Reagan. Gone was the Jimmy Carter prosperity!
Published reports say Kerry wanted speakers to tone down the rhetoric, knocking off talk of Unocal pipelines, joint Bush-Osama 9/11 plotting sessions, and chants of 'Death to Halliburton!' No scathing rhetoric, no blazing, fiery speeches, no Bush-bashing, just calm, warm, positive upbeat speeches about how Bush stole the 2000 elections and why this warmonger and liar must be stopped. And heaven knows if you want a forward-looking, uplifting message, there's nothing like putting Al Gore on TV. "To those of you who felt disappointed or angry with the outcome in 2000," said Gore, the Losing Loser who lost the election despite a gazillion recounts, "I want you to remember all of those feelings," he added, sounding a bit like his psychotherapist (this nut believes he's president.) "But then I want you to do with them what I have done." Follow my example, do something positive with those feelings, take the high road, like calling Bush a moral coward and chanting, 'He betrayed his country!!!' Nothing like it to brighten your mood. (In fairness, Gore appeared a little more sedated this time out.) The Washington Post puts it this way: Gore "issued an appeal to those who backed Bush" or Nader four years ago, "urging them to reconsider what their actions had meant..." (Taliban, gone. Saddam, gone. Al-Qaeda, on the run . . . any regrets yet? Or should I go on?)
Carter lambasted Bush as a dangerous extremist and liar. "Our credibility has been shattered, and we are left increasingly isolated and vulnerable in a hostile world," said Carter. (I'm sure we'd all sleep easier with Saddam still in power and Carter in the White House.)
Teresa Heinz-Kerry, Kerry's boss, slammed Bush as flat-out un-American Monday, and denied calling Bush flat-out un-American Monday, telling a reporter: "You said something I didn't say. Now shove it!" Teresa vows to restore dignity and good taste to the Oval Office. (Teresa . . .mouth . . . trouble. Monica . . . mouth . . . trouble. See a pattern here?)
In her speech Tuesday, Teresa listed the many reasons she thinks a certain someone should be president. And if you don't agree, she has two words of advice. Wanna guess what they are? (At the end of the speech, she did mentioned her husband once -- something about him serving in Vietnam.) Never one to draw attention to herself, her speech centered on her life, her upbringing, her family, her thoughts, her views, her outlook, her (y-a-w-n-i-n-g)...sorry -- been a long night. She blasted Bush for catering to the rich.
Can this tone of convention civility last? Can they keep things 'toned down'? Depends on how much animal tranquilizer they have left; the delegates are heavily medicated but nobody's sure there's enough to last until Thursday.
But cut the Donkey Party some slack. For Democrats, it isn't exactly easy pretending for a whole week that you don't hate your country and aren't rooting for Iraqi "insurgents". (We don't hate the military -- honest! We even love private Pentagon contractors! And gone gaga over cluster bombs and Daisy Cutters!) In a nutshell, that's what Democrat conventions are. Convention Time, for Democrats, means a week of being on your opposite behavior -- no flag-burning, no Jerry Springing, no Michael Moore-ing, no Fahrenheit 9/11, and acting instead like you love your country and enjoy waving the flag, while impersonating a patriot. (For a hint of how difficult this is, picture Sen. Byrd pretending to love blacks for a week.)
A few delegates have even been heard saying "Under God" when saying the Pledge of Allegiance.
The convention theme in Boston is, "Stronger at home, respected abroad, especially by the French," a theme underscored by a line-up of key performers, including Tom Daschle, Dick Gephardt, Ted Kennedy and other fresh faces. Party leaders hope to convert anger over the 2000 election into something positive -- like anger over the 2004 election. Word is that Kerry's so confident, he's hired an army of lawyers to dispute the results in November when he loses.
Too much confidence is no good either. It breeds complacency -- complacency like allowing Dukakis within 3,000 miles of the convention.
Democrats believe doubts about Kerry will fade once voters find out he served in Vietnam. The Democrats' goal, say Democrats, is to re-re-reintroduce Kerry. Having been in the Senate for 20 years, and then running for president for 20 months, hardly anyone's heard of the guy. Democrats also believe they can capitalize on what they see as doubts about George W. Bush by making the case that Kerry's a safe choice on national security. They believe they can do this by having Kerry sound as much as he can like . . . George W. Bush. To prove Kerry's just as tough as Bush on defense, and bolster his national security credentials, Democrats on Tuesday dropped a 500-pound bomb right on stage -- oh wait, that was Ted Kennedy. Testing the waters briefly, Kennedy wasted no time, plunging deeply into issues, gliding through murky waters, delivering what the New York Times deems his "near farewell," doing breaststrokes frantically (as if his life depended on it), as his legs did the frog kick and his arms pulled down and back. Rarely coming up for air, he made quite a splash.
"John Kerry is a serious man for a serious job in a serious time in our country's history," said Hillary on Monday. Seriously. "I am very optimistic about this election because I think I know a great leader when I see one" -- words I think I know she wrote while looking headlong in the mirror.
How high will the dead cat bounce? Well, so far, polls show very little bounce, and Kerry's speech last night isn't likely to change that. I do have one real fear, though, and it's this: What if he dons some silly spacesuit and bounces his numbers out to space? ;-)
Stay tuned.
Anyway, that's...
My Two Cents...
"JohnHuang2"
