Posted on 07/14/2004 7:32:17 AM PDT by presidio9
Are you there, God? It's me, George W. Come in, Almighty. Do you read me? It's about 8:00 pm and it's just after my last bubble bath of the day and here I am again, kneeling here in the Oval Office all by myself in my most favoritest PJs, the funny ones with the little M-1 tanks and baseball players all over them. I gots some problems, Lord.
Look, I've done everything you asked. I've been good. Haven't I?
I take the message to the people, don't I? I spout that evangelical born-again crap in pisswater Podunk conservative churches across this burned-out fear-drunk nation like I was emceeing a freakin' rodeo in Crawford. And they eat it up, Lord. They eat that stuff up. Hell, I even believe a lot of that fire-breathin' Second Comin' evildoer-hatin' stuff myself.
And looky here! Look how much dough I induce those evangelical suckers to cough up into the coffers of the GOP (that's God's Own Party -- just for you, Lord!). Doesn't that cut me a little slack fer when I skip over the part where Jesus says "Blessed are the peacemakers?"
Or when he says to turn the other cheek? Or love thy enemies? Or when the Bible says, "The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control"? Or any of that other pointless pacifist hippie junk?
I mean, forgive me 'cuz I know your boy Jesus was great and all, but did he have the Carlysle Group breathing down his neck, screaming for more war profits? Did he have a million neat-o bombs at his instant disposal? Did he have Rummy scowling down his hawkish nose at him during naptime? No, he did not.
Look. I behave. I never have sex and I hate that sicko porno gay pagan naked sexual stuff, and to this day I'm damn proud that those disgustin' dildo thingies are still illegal in Texas.
Heck, I even want to change the freakin' U.S. Constitution to prevent them icky gays from ever gettin' legally married and thus soiling the precious institution of uptight heterosexual man-woman Christian marriage counseling. I want to codify right-wing homophobia, Lord! Don't that count for somethin'?
Hell, I'm a former raging alcoholic who stopped binge drinking years ago (I attributed it to you! Remember?) 'cuz I got so drunk I fell into a fever dream wherein I coulda swore I saw Jesus chattin' with Buddha and Shiva and Allah and Isis, and they was all sighing and shaking their heads and agreein' to send me back in the next life as a smelly tree fungus. And that can't be good.
Remember, Lord, back in the '00 debates when they asked me to name my favorite philosopher, and I said, "Jesus"? Remember how cheesy and obnoxious and cop-outy that was, given how Jesus was actually the Original Liberal and given how everyone knows I haven't read a single "real" philosopher of any note since they made me stand up in Philosophy 1A back at Yale and read a passage from that pagan homo Plato guy when I could barely focus due to all the gin? Wasn't that good?
(Excerpt) Read more at sfgate.com ...
Morford is in for a big surprise when he finds out that God discriminates.
Morford's rantings are such that I see in him a very angry, confused person. It's clear his life is disappointing and very smallish, filled with chaos and hate.
This pleases me greatly.
I disagree, dear sir.
Think about the anger his writings cause the denizens of FR.
Then let us see if we can harness and direct that anger towards the attainment of a goal.
Even a strong wind can be useful, if harnessed. Let's change the wind!
Well, I see that Miss Morford has her knickers in a twist yet again.
Why am I not surprised?
(I tend to go with a theory I once read here on FR that Miss Morford actually has a raging crush on GWB, and is just ticked off that GWB doesn't like her back.)
...for reading.
Hello, God? It's me, Mark. All those years of psychedelic drugs and poopy-hole sex have finally turned my brain into quivering mush. Can You help me?
"-- most of us should not be inflicted with spending five minutes, or even five seconds, with Moford's literary vomitus."
Congressman Billybob
"The right of American citizens to speak freely about their political leaders and would-be leaders, especially when elections are being conducted, is the very heart of the Constitution."
Yeah, then the bastards passed CFR.
This ain't your father's United States.
Could anyone possibly take him seriously?
Just more proof that today's battles really are between Good and Evil. I'm convinced that the main reason the Left and the Media hate Bush so much is that those who do Satan's work hate those who do God's work. Why else the no-holds-barred frenzy of late?
If his aim is to get more votes for the Dems by trying to belittle the President,he is sadly mistaken.
I find it truly sad the depths to which some people will go.
"I just don't think this stuff belongs here anymore."
I agree. This is pure crap.
Definitely anti-Christian.
"Carrying as much hate as Morford has, I actually feel sorry for his rotted, blackened soul."
I don't. If you're looking for a reason why the AIDS virus was created, perhaps you've found it.
Here is what conservative voters have to remember, we actually hold ourselves to a moral standard set by traditional christian values, liberals do not, hence the word "liberal". It is within the standards of being liberal to hate and denounce conservative christian ideals and mock their savior and their faith in God and his laws for man.
Christian values do not work within a party that lacks legal or moral restraint. That is why they get away with mocking our lord, using the bible (a book they hate or believe to be the biggest lie ever)out of context, and completely disprespect our president in the name of free speech!!!
Liberals are licentious which means "lacking legal or moral restraints; especially disregarding sexual restraints or marked by disregard for strict rules of correctness.
The licentious party of america has no moral standards, and by default can accept homosexual, deviant, and hateful ignorant factious behavior yet can disavow conservative values, morality, and the christian faith, and God.
There really is nothing we can do but show them their double standards in a respectful way.
The moment we become like them is the moment we lose. Let them implode, they will in time, last weeks hate fest at RCMH was a precursor to the meltdown that will occur and all their credibility will be lost. That is why they will not release any audio/video from last week.
They do not want the real Heart and Soul of America to see how they preach acceptance of diversity and equality in an open forum yet when in a private liberal gathering the pack mentality takes over and they preach the exact opposite.
The FEMocratic party of america is the licentious party of america!
Thanks, my rants over.
Hello, G_d? Its me Mark, that gerbil thing happened again....
Besides that, a glance at the keywords in any Miss Morford thread is always entertaining.
You really are a brass-plated moron.
Morford's "right to speak," which I would defend by the way, does not imply any right to force me or anyone else to READ or LISTEN TO his drivel. If you took a second to think, you would realize that difference.
Do you ever take a minute to think?
Have a nice day.
John / Billybob
At first I tended to agree with the Congressman: Why bother people with this crapola? Then I started thinking about how many people I know who are totally unaware of the depth of hostility the extreme left has toward conservatives and, especially, Christians. I think this diatribe really shows how utterly depraved some of these lefties really are. I'm going to send the article to a few "innocents" as an example of how the enemy really thinks.
<><
John / Billybob
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