Posted on 06/24/2004 10:15:27 AM PDT by Davis
E-mail to Candidate Kerry #8 From James (Cooter) Thompson re: Military Matters
Dear Senator Kerry:
I'm bound to tell you, Senator, that me and Boudreau and pretty near all of us guys down to Daryl's Bait Shop think your campaign could do with a quantity of change. As we wrote previously, even your friends been complaining that your message ain't getting out.
That of course brings up the matter of what message you have got for America, beyond the obvious, Elect Me! We Daryl's Baitmen do not regard Elect Me to be persuasive.
We are not much concerned with itty-bitty nitty-gritty details of how you propose to do this or that. We haven't the time or the inclination to read polysyllabic position papers (that phrase was contributed by Armen Yazoo). Maybe that stuff looks good on paper, but practice is a whole nother story.
We think all the voters would be happy to hear from you personally about our military forces. We know that in your twenty years in the Senate you consistently voted against military appropriation bills. We would like to know whether that is your position now. Has it changed in response to the jihad that the mullahs and the imams and the ayatollahs and the sheikhs have declared against the infidels, Christians and Jews? Is the US going to be prepared to wage war with the best weapons and the best training?
If you are interested in using our Army, Navy, Marines and Air Force as a training ground for feminists and PC social programs, please let us know, don't keep us perched on the anxious seat.
Them as think that socializing and feminizing our military and then trying to talk our armed enemies into seeing things our way, well, they can vote that way. Them as don't will at least know where you stand. Me and Boudreau don't think you will be shocked to learn that we Daryl's Bait Shop regulars don't think there is much merit in sending women into combat situations—not for the women, nor neither for us.
Likewise, we don't think we can rely on the UN to face up to our declared enemies, the folks been setting off bombs from Bali to Madrid, chopping off people's heads and mutilating corpses. The way we look at it, the UN ain't no more useful than teats on a boar pig. We think you would improve your campaign if you weren't seen sucking up to Kofi Annan and his oil-for-food grafting pals.
We are surprised, Senator, that you, an educated man, don't seem to appreciate the place of inspiration in a campaign for the presidency of this country. We can understand your criticizing the guy you want to defeat in this election, George W. Bush. But, instead of always concentrating on how loathsome, corrupt, and evil your opponent is, which of course draws attention away from yourself and your fitness for the job, you might try some "affirmative action." You could emphasize the greatness of the country and its noble history, its freedom, decency, and prosperity. You might also try tempering, cooling down, quenching, the rabid ranting of your most feverish followers. (Yazoo, again.) It would win you votes among the undecided, we're sure of that.
We also think it's time you made up your mind about a candidate for vice-president. Your semi-public wooing of Republican Senator John McCain for that job was embarrassing. It suggested there was no one in the whole Democratic party who was fit for the job. Surely, that ain't so. Worse come to worst, you could always hitch up with Michael Moore.
Sincerely,
Cooter
(Thanks to J. Boudreau and A. Yazoo.)
P.S. Senator, you might just ask your Mrs. not to give off-the-cuff interviews. We been chuckling over what she told the Boston Herald: "He [meaning you] likes people, in spite of whatever people might think. He'd make the best nursery school teacher in the world, bar none."
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Priceless, again.
Sweet!
Kudos to everyone at the bait-shop!
Priceless! Thanks for posting!
I always pictire them as the Bartles and James guys
bump
My favorite is ol' Armen Yazoo. He's the guy attended correspondence Law School by postcard.
All the guys doen to Daryl's Bait Shop, it seems to me, have spotted John Kerry for the phony opportunist that he is.
It would be interesting to see Kerry's answers to Cooter's e-mails. Please post them, Davis, when you and if you get them.
I ain't holdin' my breath...
I'm thinking more like Gomer and Goober...
bump for Bush
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