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What Do About Female Promiscuity (Why Daughters Need Fathers As Much As Sons)
Jerusalem Post ^ | 3/31/04 | Shmuley Boteach

Posted on 04/01/2004 2:24:45 AM PST by goldstategop

American culture grows more crass by the day. One of the most successful American TV shows is The Apprentice starring Donald Trump, a man loaded with money but bankrupt of class. The highlight of the show is when Trump humiliates potential employees by barking at them, "You're fired!"

One can only grieve over a culture that promotes a coarse womanizer who has dumped a wife or two in favor of young models as its symbol of professional success.

Indeed, watching people be humiliated is big business on American TV. Shows such as American Idol feature judges like Simon Cowell – known as Mr. Nasty – who shoot the middle finger at contestants they don't like. Public degradation has become as American as apple pie with programs like Fear Factor garnering huge ratings by having participants eat bugs and swim with dead mice. But perhaps the most disturbing example of the culture of crassness is the growing trend of famous young women going through the rite of passage known as the nearly naked photo spread.

Such recent graduates of the you-may-think-I-have-a-brain-but-let's-instead-focus-on-my-bust school of celebrity include Scarlet Johansson, who acted superbly in Lost in Translation, which made her famous enough to qualify for a cleavage-bearing photo op. Janet Jackson, of course, joined the club when she decided to have us all forget about her dancing and focus instead on her nipples, while Britney Spears is, of course, the club's founding member.

The reduction of talented and intelligent women to two breasts and a vagina has reached its apogee with the Girls Gone Wild videos, in which tens of thousands of college girls, often on spring break, flash for the camera, their sole remuneration being a feeling of deep satisfaction that they have played their God-given role as entertainment for lecherous men.

Why have millions of young American women abandoned the feminist dream of being taken seriously by men and instead decided to gain male attention with degrading spectacles of their bodies? I am convinced that the principal cause is an increasingly weak link between fathers and daughters.

IN OUR society, we have it all backward. Too much is made of the father-son relationship at the expense of the father-daughter one. The image of a boy being taught by his dad to catch a baseball or throw a football is commonplace, while the only mainstream image of a father interacting with his teenage daughter is telling her not to come home too late when she goes out with her boyfriend. Pop tarts like Britney Spears and Paris Hilton, who use partial nudity to advance their careers, are often close to their mothers, who may even serve as their managers, while their dads are nowhere to be seen.

Where you do read about a father's central involvement in his daughter's career, it usually leads to respectable women like Steffi Graff and the Williams sisters, who have resisted the offers for provocative photo spreads even after they became famous as tennis stars. This is not because mothers don't love their daughters but because men are much more successful at protecting their daughters from other men. And when a daughter receives strong masculine validation from a loving and caring father, she is usually not desperate for sexual attention from manipulative and hormonal men.

Recently the New York Times ran a front-page story about a 15-year-old girl who refused to have sex with her 16-year-old boyfriend. He promptly cheated on her. When the girlfriend found out, she told her boyfriend that they should cut class and go and have sex. She did so, she said, "in order to keep him." When I read this story, I wondered Where is this girl's father? Had her father been a strong male presence in her life, she would not have been so desperate for the affection of a scoundrel.

EVEN WHEN I go to a Yankees game, I take my five daughters along with my older son. True, they often don't know the names of the players or even the score, but they know their father loves them and hates being separated from them. There is a special connection that daughters have with their fathers that even a mother cannot replicate, which grants young women a startling immunity from compromising themselves with jerks.

Indeed, when a daughter is close to her father and respects him as a man and a dad, she begins to judge other men by that same high standard. When she dates men, she will not judge them by their smooth talk but by the depth of their commitment because her own father was not a talker but a doer. She will not jump into bed with a man just to please him. She has high self-esteem, and she expects the men in her life to make an effort to please her rather than the reverse. Her idea of a relationship is not going down to the guy's level but raising him up to hers.

THIS IS why it's so important for a father to remain the most important man in his daughter's life until she is at least 20. I always lament witnessing the deterioration of the homes of my friends whose teenage daughters are always out, either with girlfriends or boyfriends. My daughters will not date until they are of marriageable age – in our communities from 19. Up until that time, my own love for them will sustain their need for male attention. They will not be forced at too early an age to worry whether they're pretty enough, smart enough, sexy enough, or attractive enough. To their father, they are just perfect. And they will internalize that message in their most vulnerable years so they can grow into confident and robust women who attract men out of strength rather than weakness.

As for the criticisms that too close a relationship with your daughter will impede her ability to later form close connections with romantic partners, exactly the opposite is true. A young woman with an involved and loving father gains the confidence in herself to sever the childhood ties with her father and begin a loving relationship with a man precisely because she has learned to trust men. She has no fear of being vulnerable – a prerequisite for romantic love – because her father has shown her an example of a man who can be trusted and relied upon.

But if she feels betrayed by her own father, she will often run to another man more to escape pain than to find love, which is what usually makes her a prime candidate for that revealing photo spread.


TOPICS: Crime/Corruption; Culture/Society; Editorial; Miscellaneous; Philosophy
KEYWORDS: britneyspears; culture; daughters; fatherhood; fathers; feminism; parishilton; promiscuity; realityshows; sex; shmuleyboteach; sons; tramps
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To: MrB
Ms Steinem? I didn't know you were a FReeper!

I did tell her that after she turns 25 they are okay.

41 posted on 04/01/2004 8:48:46 AM PST by VRWC_minion
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To: John O
What a cutie! I like the work-for-dates idea, too.

We're thinking of a "date the family" system: You like our daughter? Great! Come to church with us, and then come home and have dinner, play ball with the brothers, tell mom and dad about your career plans, offer to wash dishes or read a story to the babies. If that works out, maybe you'll get an invitation to camp or hunt ... let's see if you impress Grandad. When were you planning to do your military service? Good idea ... we'll all look forward to reading your letters from Iraq. Elen loves jewelry, so keep your eye out for bargains while you're overseas ...

Our oldest daughter is 13, so it won't be long before we have to do *something* with boys. She currently says she plans to be an old maid with cats, so maybe we'll just have to say, "Sorry, Josie's not interested, please don't call again!"
42 posted on 04/01/2004 8:50:23 AM PST by Tax-chick (I'm not making this up.)
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To: goldstategop
Men have been taught by political correctness to keep their distance from their daughters lest it be misinterpreted.

You can't even hug your daughter anymore without society second-guessing your intentions.


BUMP

43 posted on 04/01/2004 8:50:46 AM PST by tm22721 (May the UN rest in peace)
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To: Tax-chick
I like the date the family idea as well. Of course since most of my family is 6 hours away that would be a good way to put off dating!
44 posted on 04/01/2004 8:52:06 AM PST by John O (God Save America (Please) {become a monthly donor. You'll never miss $5/month})
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To: Taliesan
Why have millions of young American women abandoned the feminist dream of being taken seriously by men and instead decided to gain male attention with degrading spectacles of their bodies?

Money for sex. or at least sexuality. Girls know that a $5000,00 breast implants will get them alot farther than just a college degree.

Feminism is only for ugly women who can't be helped by plastic surgery or don't have the courage to get plastic surgery.(/s)


Donald Trump dates pretty girls, If you are pretty you will get ahead too.
Looks are sold as a equal comodoty to brains.

In the end the woman's movement has worked to feminize the men and ritalin the boys. In the same move they have succefully elevated the status of "slut" to a college major.
45 posted on 04/01/2004 8:59:45 AM PST by longtermmemmory (Vote!)
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forgot to add: This is part of the hollywood culture that pushes insecuirty and has strived to make people believe that ugliness is entirely curable into the hollywood ideal de jour.
46 posted on 04/01/2004 9:13:23 AM PST by longtermmemmory (Vote!)
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To: Tax-chick; John O
That was exactly what I did with my wife, although it's called "courtship". Long distance does make it tough, but it works wonders. After six years of marriage I'm around her family more than my own, so you better get to know the in-laws pretty well so that you're liked and accepted. And is a very good impetus to not engage in marital activity - trust me!

Dating has only been around for about 100 years, and is (obviously) a complete failure. Dating was actually started by the lower classes, because they did not have parlors or places within a home/apartment for the couple to have some privacy. Working well, isn't it? People start to engage in sexual activity, and they either don't know who they're marrying because they're blinded by the sex, or the relationship does not end in marriage, and both parties add emotional baggage to carry to their next relationship.

I think that's why people are waiting longer to get married: the guys are getting it for "free", so why take on the additional burdens of marriage and family. The women keep hoping that marriage will happen, but get put off; when this happens in their early 20s, they are much less willing to commit in later relationships because of being burned. What a price to pay for sexual "freedom".

47 posted on 04/01/2004 9:37:07 AM PST by GreatOne (You will bow down before me, Son of Jor-el!)
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To: John O
I totally agree. My father was the most important man in my life until I was 19 or 20 and started seriously seeing my now-fiance. My dad was the one person I could talk to about ANYTHING, and I knew I'd always recieve loving guidance and insight into the situation. As an adult, I still ask my father for opinions and advice on many matters.

It's only been in the last few months that I've realized how similar my future husband is to my father in many ways. It's really true that most women seek a partner who is similar to her father!

48 posted on 04/01/2004 9:45:53 AM PST by Rubber_Duckie_27
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To: Tax-chick
This is actually how my fiance and I developed our relationship, especially the first year or so...we'd spend time together with our families. We'd help my brother work on his bicycle, or we'd help his mom with her gardening, things like that. The other was always invited for family gatherings or even just Sunday dinner at home. As a result, there was no "getting to know the inlaws" period...his family already knows me very well, and vice versa.

This just sort of came naturally to us. With the right kind of boy dating a girl, it is still quite possible to do things this way. We were 19 and 20 when we started dating, but it would work nicely with the older teen who is still living at home.
49 posted on 04/01/2004 9:57:29 AM PST by Rubber_Duckie_27
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To: Rubber_Duckie_27; GreatOne
Those are very encouraging stories. We feel that if a person doesn't (pretty much) enjoy participating in our family life, then they're not the sort of person our son or daughter would be happy with. So often people will get married to someone who seems wonderful (and maybe he or she is, objectively) but then they find that they don't like "real life" together.
50 posted on 04/01/2004 10:12:19 AM PST by Tax-chick (I'm not making this up.)
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To: Hegewisch Dupa
Good plan. But seriously people, I'm pretty sure there is a compromise between "raising an easy daughter" and "locking her up and forcing Muslim like dress code standards and practices".
51 posted on 04/01/2004 4:07:07 PM PST by Democratshavenobrains
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To: John O
Oh, what a beautiful sweetheart!

I'd bet she looks just like you too? I often see little girls look like their Dads. When I see this it is when it is a first born little girl and if their is a little boy he will look like the mother. After the "one of each" and there are more children then there is more of a mix of Mom and Dad or looks and attributes extend to other members of the family. In any case it is always a joy.
52 posted on 04/01/2004 5:51:46 PM PST by nmh (Intelligent people recognize Intelligent Design (God).)
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To: nmh
She has her mother's looks (Thank God) but my expressions. Just incredibly cute.

It got to be such a bother going shopping because people would stop us so they could see "Please wait right here. I've got to get my mother, she has to see this baby".

You naturally think your child is beautiful but try to be somewhat modest about it. But after having total strangers carrying babies tell us that our baby was the most beautiful child they've ever seen and having this happen time and time again you just get used to it. ("You have 1 minutes to admire. Don't touch and don't crowd. (1 minute passes) OK, times up, have a great day") God has blessed me with perhaps the most beautiful girl child ever born.

(And pictures don't really do her justice. Get her flashing those big brown eyes at you and you're done for)

53 posted on 04/02/2004 5:17:20 AM PST by John O (God Save America (Please) {become a monthly donor. You'll never miss $5/month})
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To: Taliesan
you have nailed it precisely. Feminism has devolved into a complete opposite of what it was supposed to be. Today, they're teaching college kids that "prostitution is empowerment". Hugh Hefner must be laughing all the way to the bank.
54 posted on 04/02/2004 5:24:15 AM PST by The Right Stuff
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To: goldstategop
I'll try to remember this as my daughters get older. For the most part, I think it's already written on my heart.
55 posted on 04/02/2004 2:00:01 PM PST by stevio (The early bird gets the worm, but the 2nd mouse gets the cheese.)
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To: John O
Even if her body is looking more like her mother's, in her heart she is still your little girl and she needs to be held and loved by her father. Pushing her away at this time will just push her to some other man who will give her attention, but not in the wholesome non-sexual way that her father would.

First of all, sorry for rehashing this thread.

And second, if a father tries anything like hugging his 15-year-old daughter in public, the feminazis in the social services agencies and the legal system will make sure the guy hangs high for "statutory rape".

Feminazis would rather have his daughter be banged by the whole high school football team.

56 posted on 08/30/2004 4:12:07 PM PDT by El Conservador ("No blood for oil!"... Then don't drive, you moron!!!)
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To: El Conservador
What you say is probably true. However most 15 year old's don't want hugs in public. That would ruin her reputation you know. (the second verse of "butterfly kisses" rule)

But at home they still need daddy time.

The feminazis have destroyed the lives of an entire generation of women. Fortunately some of them are waking up and raising their daughters in the tried and true way that works.

And of course many Christian families never swallowed the feminist BS in the first place. I'm very fortunate to live in a very Christian community where there are lots and lots of conservative families doing things the right way.

57 posted on 08/31/2004 5:08:53 AM PDT by John O (God Save America (Please))
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To: John O
Of course daddy is mostly immune to this.

You kid yourself, sir...if my experience with my beautiful 10-year-old is any indication.

58 posted on 08/31/2004 5:30:55 AM PDT by Oberon (What does it take to make government shrink?)
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To: VRWC_minion

My daughter is 30 and I am still supposed to right all wrongs.


59 posted on 08/31/2004 5:51:57 AM PDT by Little Bill (John F'n Kerry is a self promoting scumbag!)
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To: goldstategop
Why have millions of young American women abandoned the feminist dream of being taken seriously by men and instead decided to gain male attention with degrading spectacles of their bodies?

It's a faster and easier way to make money. And since there is no such thing as right and wrong, even their fathers don't mind any more.

Shalom.

60 posted on 08/31/2004 5:57:16 AM PDT by ArGee (After 517, the abolition of man is complete)
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