Kerry still can't get his stories straight

SUN-TIMES ^ | March 21, 2004 | BY MARK STEYN

[Aeronaut]

Many's the night John and the other boys in his dorm would lie awake dreaming of their freedom as they murmured one of the traditional spirituals of their people: ''Swing by, sweet limousine, comin' for to carry me home.''

Steyn is fine, all the time.

[BlessedBeGod]

Q: How many John Kerrys does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: At least four. One to unscrew the old lightbulb. One to simultaneously announce his courageous commitment to replacing the old bulb. One to vote against funding the new light bulb. And one to denounce George W. Bush and America's Benedict Arnold CEOs for leaving everyone in the dark.

Q: Why did John Kerry cross the road?

A: He didn't cross the road. He crossed to the middle to demonstrate his grasp of the nuances and subtleties involved in crossing the road, and was still explaining them to the New York Times reporter when the logging truck hit him.

This captures Kerry perfectly!

[The Raven]

''His vote against the first Gulf War was, he says, a sign of his support for the first Gulf War. Whereas his vote in favor of the Iraq war was a sign of his opposition to the Iraq war. And his vote against funding America's troops in Iraq is a sign of his support for America's men and women in uniform. On the same principle, I think the best way voters this November can demonstrate their support for John Kerry is by voting against him.''

I added that to my profile page quotes !!!!!!!!!!!

[MEG33]

The Bush Campaign ought to hire this man!I love Steyn!

[Caipirabob]

Next time he shouts ''Bring it on!'' I want to see that VC puppy trot out with the jock strap between his teeth so Jacques Chirac can ceremonially drape it round the senator's neck.

Mark Steyn almost had me on the floor with this line.

This was probably the most clever and subtle verbal "bitchslap" I've read recently. Of course "John F'n S.O.B. Kerry" (S.O.B. is his secret service call sign now, dontcha know?) does provide a vast quantity of source material to work with, it's just gratifying to see it put to good use.

Mr. Steyn you've got another fan.

[TomB]

I get the distinct impression that, with Kerry as the Dem nominee, Steyn is happier than a pig in slop.

Talk about a target rich environment.

[laredo44]

Q: How many John Kerrys does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: At least four. One to unscrew the old lightbulb. One to simultaneously announce his courageous commitment to replacing the old bulb. One to vote against funding the new light bulb. And one to denounce George W. Bush and America's Benedict Arnold CEOs for leaving everyone in the dark.

We're gonna need another bulb changer. Either that or changer #2 has to pull double duty cause somebody's gotta mention the hero medal from Vietnam that he got when he fought in Vietnam and one of the Vietnamese light bulbs needed changing and Kerry did it but forgot to turn off the power and when he screwed it in, the bulb came on right away and John got a burn from it -- got a Purple Heart from that. Happened in Vietnam.

[THX 1138]

As all military strategists say, no plan survives first contact with the enemy.

Or as Mike Tyson once said, "Everybody has a plan until they get hit."

[Centaur]

And we thought Algore was rich fodder for satire! Rush is wrong....Libs are hysterical! I think its gonna be a truly fun 8 months with Jon'erry.

[SkyPilot]

bttt

[PeoplesRepublicOfWashington]

I get the distinct impression that, with Kerry as the Dem nominee, Steyn is happier than a pig in slop. Talk about a target rich environment.

Lampooning Kerry is proving far too easy. In a single week, Bush-Cheney turned him into French toast. Stick a fork in him, Kerry is done. And there are some interesting scandals brewing on the back burners. The only question now is who the 'Rats will choose to nominate at their convention--'twon't be Kerry!

[foreverfree]

bump

[Puzzleman]

... a campaign marked by a strangely insecure macho exhibitionism ...

To Kerry this doesn't seem strange. His problem is that he grew up impressing people with his wealth and flashy activities (skiing, playing hockey, "being awarded" medals in combat). His ego loves talking about how great he is, and, in his circles, that used to produce fawning adulation. But the American electorate wants to hear how he is going to serve them and finds his self-aggrandizement strange and offensive.

[cajungirl]

good read,,I am particularly fond of the Jock strap purchase and think we have yet to mine that one for its humor value!

[Seth1]

I heard (here on FR) that Kerry's daughter was with him when he bought the jock strap, but I can't confirm it.

[maggief]

John Kerry was home in Boston Friday for what was billed as a day off. But a routine trip out on a snowy afternoon by the presumed Democratic nominee quickly turned into a big-time production.

The Massachusetts senator and his daughter Vanessa, 27, were escorted from their red brick townhouse in Beacon Hill to a nearby Borders bookstore by a seven-car motorcade -- two police cars, three SUVs loaded with Secret Service agents and two minivans stuffed with reporters.

"So much for a mundane day with Dad," said the candidate's daughter.

As he edges closer to becoming the party's official nominee, Kerry's privacy has rapidly receded. The national media are now treating the Massachusetts senator with nearly the same scrutiny that they apply to the president.

Next week, members of his press corps are planning to accompany him on a five-day vacation with his wife to an undetermined locale.

On Friday, a gaggle of reporters tailed the senator on his round of errands, just in case he made news. They were on hand as Kerry perused the history section at Borders, picked up his bicycle from a repair shop and even when he bought a jock strap, among other items, at a local sporting goods shop.

http://www.palmbeachpost.com/news/content/auto/epaper/editions/today/news_04250982b14f108e00e6.html

[Mike Fieschko]

''Swing by, sweet limousine, comin' for to carry me home.''

[TomGuy]

Kerry is trying to morph himself in to John F. Kennedy while morphing himself in Bill Clinton. The result is still a al-Franken-stein monster.

[metesky]

Best Steyn since, well since the last Steyn.