Kerry still can't get his stories straight

SUN-TIMES ^ | March 21, 2004 | BY MARK STEYN

[MeekOneGOP]

Another great Mark Steyn article ...

Kerry still can't get his stories straight

Excerpt:

''I actually did vote for the $87 billion before I voted against it.''

Got that?

Q: How many John Kerrys does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: At least four. One to unscrew the old lightbulb. One to simultaneously announce his courageous commitment to replacing the old bulb. One to vote against funding the new light bulb. And one to denounce George W. Bush and America's Benedict Arnold CEOs for leaving everyone in the dark.

Q: Why did John Kerry cross the road?

A: He didn't cross the road. He crossed to the middle to demonstrate his grasp of the nuances and subtleties involved in crossing the road, and was still explaining them to the New York Times reporter when the logging truck hit him.

< snip >

Also none of our business is the senator's go-ahead-punk bluster about foreign policy. For months he's been droning in his stump speech that, if George W. Bush wants to fight this election on national security, Kerry has three words for him: ''Bring it on!'' So Bush brought it on -- with a 30-second ad arguing that the senator is weak on defense. And suddenly the campaign's curled up on the floor in a fetal position whimpering that it's just totally unfair making such a horrible personal attack. Watching him in New Hampshire, I always thought, when Kerry dares you to ''bring it on,'' he couldn't quite bring it off. As all military strategists say, no plan survives first contact with the enemy. And so it proved.

Please let me know if you want ON or OFF my General Interest ping list!. . .don't be shy.

[Edit35]

Q: How many John Kerrys does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: At least four. One to unscrew the old lightbulb. One to simultaneously announce his courageous commitment to replacing the old bulb. One to vote against funding the new light bulb. And one to denounce George W. Bush and America's Benedict Arnold CEOs for leaving everyone in the dark.

Really it's five.

It takes one Kerry just to tell anyone who will listen that he served in Vietnam

[Dog]

This would make a heck of a Freep...

Weird. And, just to round out a weird week, John Kerry, accompanied by the press, went into a sporting goods store and bought a jock strap. Even for a campaign marked by a strangely insecure macho exhibitionism, this was a little too self-parodic. Next time he shouts ''Bring it on!'' I want to see that VC puppy trot out with the jock strap between his teeth so Jacques Chirac can ceremonially drape it round the senator's neck.

[LibertarianLiz]

Man, this Steyn column has so many laughs, I cannot pick out just one. Great stuff.

[Buggman]

For months he's been droning in his stump speech that, if George W. Bush wants to fight this election on national security, Kerry has three words for him: ''Bring it on!'' So Bush brought it on -- with a 30-second ad arguing that the senator is weak on defense. And suddenly the campaign's curled up on the floor in a fetal position whimpering that it's just totally unfair making such a horrible personal attack.

This line had me laughing until I cried, literally. Great stuff.

[conservatism_IS_compassion]

All you can reasonably conclude is he's just not ready to serve as President.

. . . and after 30 years in the public eye and 20 years in statewide office - NOT including the governorship, for which he was defeated - all you can reasonably conclude is that he never will be ready for national office.

He would be a has-been, but then, he never was.

Someone indicated that he has been hectoring for a series of debates, and I have a serious suggestion: if Kerry needs debates then he should have them - but they should

1. be moderated only by a chess timer to equalize the speaking time,
2. be with no notes barred, and
3. be of at least two hours' duration.

Given that journalism is an anticonservative profession, that first requirement would be fairer to the Republican in any contest, since a journalist moderator will always subtly inhibit the Republican and help the Democrat. Rules against notes obviously increase the need for preparation time and increase the likelihood that one or both candidates will publically embarass himself, to the detriment of the United States. And short, moderator-controlled media access positions the future POTUS as being inferior to the moderator and makes the candidates pretend to answer the moderator's questions when in fact they are making prepared speeches. The time required to prepare to make a point is inversely proportional to the time available to actually deliver the message.

If Kerry is asking for debates, I say agree to them when you can get favorable conditions - and set precedents to the benefit of Republican presidential candidates of the future. Then use them to attack the Democrats' filibuster of honest judicial appointments. And to drive home the point that there has not been a good Democratic Secretary of Defense in a very long time - Les Aspen was replaced by Republican Senator Cohen after he took responsibility for Black Hawk Down and resigned.

[Tax-chick]

When the U.S. does elect a black president, Toni Morrison's silliness will be exposed for what it is.

Worse than silliness ... it's filthy bigotry. "He's trash, so he must be black." Sorry, REAL black people are Thomas Sowell, Alan Keyes, and our Project 21 FReepers.

[Rocky]

"Happened in Vietnam."

Kerry's a Vietnam veteran? Who knew?

[moonhawk]

"On the same principle, I think the best way voters this November can demonstrate their support for John Kerry is by voting against him."

I actually came up with my tagline BEFORE I read Steyn's latest and greatest...

Oh, and one more thing...

"Gerbils"?

[Rocky]

"I actually came up with my tagline BEFORE I read Steyn's latest and greatest... "

And I formulated mine after reading Steyn's column but before reading your post.

[speekinout]

The only question now is who the 'Rats will choose to nominate at their convention--'twon't be Kerry!

hillary to the rescue....
This is perfect for her, because she couldn't stand a long campaign with all of her baggage and nasty temper.
She's also the only Dem left with enough name recognition to win in a short campaign.

[maica]

Garner, the political cartoonist on the Washington Times, always drew a chicken (Tyson's) and a bra dangling somewhere when he drew Clinton.

I hope Garner goes for the pet VC and the Jacquestrappe!

Does any Freeper think that Kerry did his own shopping before he had an entourage and a gaggle of reporters following him?

[potlatch]

For months he's been droning in his stump speech

Recently, I was browsing 'another' forum and his own people were complaining that they "couldn't stand to listen to his droning speeches"!!

[Victoria Delsoul]

Whereas his vote in favor of the Iraq war was a sign of his opposition to the Iraq war. And his vote against funding America's troops in Iraq is a sign of his support for America's men and women in uniform. On the same principle, I think the best way voters this November can demonstrate their support for John Kerry is by voting against him.

LOL, right on target.

[Savage Beast]

Of course. Toni Morrison insulted Black America and didn't have sense enough to understand that she was insulting herself.

[MeekOneGOP]

haha ! I can believe it ! Glad to see it confirmed. ;^)

Kerry's toast November 2nd, I tell ya !

[MeekOneGOP]

... I think the best way voters this November can demonstrate
their support for John Kerry is by voting against him.

haha ! I got a chuckle out of that line too ! ;^)

[savedbygrace]

And, just to round out a weird week, John Kerry, accompanied by the press, went into a sporting goods store and bought a jock strap.

Must be a gift for a friend.

[Victoria Delsoul]

:-)

[Ruth A.]

I love Steyn! Bump