Come on Down? You Bet Your Bubba

Washington Post ^ | 03/14/04 | Ben Jones

[Pokey78]

TO: Sen. John "Catfish" Kerry

FROM: The Hon. Ben "Cooter" Jones

SUBJECT: Southern Strategy

Hey, I want to congratulate all of y'all in the campaign for what you have done so far in pulling this thing off. Kickin' butt and takin' names. But what was that business about telling people last year that a Democrat can win without the South? I know there was some kind of clarification where you said you were talking arithmetic and not strategy, but that means you would have to pull 70 percent of the electoral votes outside the South to win. That's the kind of math that got us into this deficit mess.

Come South, brother, and show everyone you're not afraid of nobody, no how. 'Cause folks down here don't like to be written off. I mean, how would you feel if I said the American League could get along fine without the Boston Red Sox? Mathematically, of course.

[Pokey78]

"Please put me in your cabinet!
I can be the Secretary of Cornbread & Pot Liquor"

[sinkspur]

I've never seen somebody who's prolonged his 15 minutes longer than old Cooter.

[Servant of the 9]

Wait, I've got it! With that face, you are a natural "Catfish." And it's alliterative: Catfish Kerry. Perfect.

Nonsense, any true southerner will tell you 'catfish' belongs to Chelsea Clinton's father, Webster Hubble

But 'Buzzard' should work just fine for Kerry.

So9

[philetus]

If Kerry took Cooter's invite, went south and wiseassed them and Cooter whipped his a$$, Cooter would be famous forever.

[Democratshavenobrains]

It is kind of funny the so called "gender equality" Party makes such a big deal about Bush being a former Cheerleader.

[Lawgvr1955]

If Kerry took Cooter's invite, went south and wiseassed them and Cooter whipped his a$$

Cooter is a Kerry supporter. He served two terms in the House as a Democrat. And his opinion of Dubya, he writes it as W., is 100 percent negative.

[Doohickey]

Cooter managed 27% of the vote with he ran against Eric Cantor in 2002 (VA-7). A real political operator this guy is.

[detch]

Nice try Cooter. Are you Cooter Kennedy in disguise, Kerry's Senate buddy from South Boston? The good ole' boys from the south aren't going to forget that Kerry turned on his Vietnam buddies. Kerry says he can right off the south because the reality is that he has to right off the south. We ain't Fonda Kerry.

[philetus]

Then Cooter must be descended from carpetbaggers.

[NYCVirago]

If you want to impress NASCAR folks, show up every Sunday afternoon wearing a Dale Earnhardt jacket. That's Dale Senior, not Junior.

I'd love to see Kerry show up at a NASCAR race -- he'd get a really vocal reception, I'm sure.

[Wild Irish Rogue]

And the cavalcade of Democrat insults to the South continues. The Democrats think Southern men are so stupid and shallow, you can win their vote just by wearing a NASCAR jacket. It's not the jacket,it's what's in the jacket. You can put a NASCAR jacket on an effete French looking sack and it'll still be an effete French looking sack,to modify that old Southern saying. Quiche Boy Kerry can kiss my grits.

[oyez]

I don't think "His Yankeeship" will do well down heah.

[dixie sass]

OMG, he does look like a catfish!!!!

[dixie sass]

I like your tagline Sinkspur.