Posted on 10/31/2003 6:44:18 AM PST by jdege
Recently, Shorty's began frisking individuals and using metal detectors to ensure safety. Will this cause students to stop going out?
By Dan Sanders, Opinions Writer, The Keystone
This weekend, I discovered a new special at Shorty's. it's called the "Oh my god, I'm going to get shot!" And it's absolutely free.
On a routine, ordinary drinking binge this weekend, I stumbled on over to Shorty's. Upon entering the local hangout, I was asked for my ID, even though my hairline clearly broadcasts my legality.
Then, suddenly, another bouncer grabs me and frisks me with a metal detector. "Oh, no," I thought. "I hope I didn't bring my bomb." No, I don't own a bomb. How about my knives, guns or infamous Sword of Doom? No, no, no. Do I even want to drink there any longer? No, no, no.
Here's the problem. I'm all behind the idea of frisking everyone that walks through the door. The frightening thing isn't the precaution; it's the apparent need for that precaution. Does that mean that The Pub is now a runoff spot for Kutztown gun nuts?
It's terrifying to think this is a real problem. There are actually people out there who feel they should carry a gun to a place where they plan to drink alcohol in large quantities. I used to worry about getting clipped by drunk drivers on the weekends. Now, I have to worry about drinking and drive bys.
The craziest part is that if someone is stupid enough to take a gun to a bar, they should be allowed to ever carry a gun. There should be a rule where you can't have a gun and drink ever, ever again. If you want to kill stuff with a tiny cannon, you should have all of your faculties available to you at all times.
Besides, if you're so concerned about your health that you need to defend it with a gun, what the hell are you doing in a bar?
While there's no reason to carry a gun in the first place, there's even less of a reason to take one with you when you're drinking. There's no other purpose in carrying a gun to a bar than killing a stranger who stepped on your shoe, or caused you some other small inconvenience ("I SAID NO ICE!"). That is not a good reason. There are a hundred reasons not to carry a gun into a bar, most of which deal with the lack of logic behind it.
First of all, there isn't any game in a bar. You'll never be out drinking and decide to do some random hunting. At no point will there ever be a deer hitting on your girlfriend, or a bear menacing the dance floor.
Also, we don't need to defend anything. There are no evildoers to ward off, wrongs to right or justice to uphold. Nobody is tied to train tracks, and the owner of Shorty's isn't a laser-wielding evil scientist.
England isn't going to invade Kutztown and claim it for the Queen. Even if they were, the government has all the army it needs. America has never lost a war because were short one man, six bullets and 62 IQ points from central Pennsylvania.
I was talking to a friend of mine about this situation, and it turns out that one of our friends is looking to get his carrier's permit. This is the permit that allows one and all to walk around with a handgun for no good reason. His angle was protection. The fear angle. The what-if-I'm-attacked-by-strangers-for-my-Velcro-wallet-that-contains-more-business-cards-than-dollars-I-have-a-free-bagel-coupon-in-there angle.
Based on the logic of protecting yourself from the imaginary demons that are going to beat you up at the bar, maybe you shouldn't leave the house. You should just stay at home, wrapped in blankets, and take vitamins until you're 90 years old.
There's no need to be this afraid for your wellbeing. By the same logic, I should start wearing a cup to the bar. I've never caught a swift one to the testicles at the bar before, but who knows what tomorrow holds. It could hold my testicles in my stomach. I'd better be safe and wear that cup, and a helmet, and I'd better start carrying that sword of Doom.
Why? You'd neet to have cajones worth protecting, you liberal weenie.
Oh yea nobody is ever attacked at or near a bar...
An absolute masterpiece of building to a false premise and then running with it.
Don't thing you need to worry about defending something you clearly don't possess.
The rest of us, however, reserve the God-given right to protect our families from people who don't necessarily share your idyllic view of the world.
Im not a beer drinker but I have a difficult time comparing having a drink with getting mugged or a female getting raped...Forgive me.
Maybe this is the part of the article that he is really concerned about (not the drinking and carrying a gun part).
Well, if it is a gay bar, that might not be a bad idea.
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