30 things you'll never hear a woman say

nomarriage.com ^ | ?? | ???

[freepatriot32]

1. You know, I've been complaining a lot lately. I don't blame you for ignoring me.

2. The new girl in my office is a real beauty, and a stripper too, I invited her over for dinner on Friday.

3. While you were in the bathroom, they went for it on fourth down and missed. If they can hold them to a field goal they'll still cover.

4. Bar food again! Kick a--.

5. I liked that wedding even more than ours. Your ex-girlfriend has class.

6. That girl is wearing the same outfit as I am. Cool, I'm gonna go over and talk to her.

7. Let's just leave the toilet seat "up" at all times, then you don't have to mess with it anymore.

8. I've decided to buy myself a boob job. How big do you want'em?

9. It's only the third quarter, you should order a couple more pitchers.

10. Honey, come here! Watch me do a Tequila Shot off of Stephanie's bare a--.

11. My mother is going to take care of the tab, so order another round for you and your friends.

12. I'm so happy with my new hairstyle, I don't think I'll ever change it again.

13. Damn! I love when my pillow smells like your cigars and beer.

14. You are so much smarter than my father.

15. If we're not going to have sex, then you have to let me watch football.

16. Are you sure you've had enough to drink?

17. I've decided to stop wearing clothes around the house.

18. You're so sexy when you're hung over.

19. I'd rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping.

20. Let's subscribe to Hustler.

21. I'll be out painting the house.

22. I love it when you ride your Harley, I just wish you had more time to ride.

23. Honey, our new neighbor's daughter is sunbathing again, come see!

24. No, No, I'll take the car to have the oil changed.

25. Your mother is way better than mine.

26. Do me a favor, forget the stupid Valentine's Day thing and buy yourself something.

27. Listen, I make enough money for the both of us, why don't you retire.

28. You need your sleep ya big silly, now stop getting up for the night feedings.

29. Look! My a-- is fatter than yours!

30. Let's get rid of my friends and keep all of yours.

[Iwo Jima]

Was it a multiplication problem?

[tet68]

Is this the place for the joke about the husband and wife out to dinner, when his mistress shows up?

[Tax-chick]

1, 19, 24, and 28

I guess y'all just know the wrong women.

[nmh]

Too bad you don't live in our house. We respect and look after one another. This list doesn't apply to us.

[freepatriot32]

hmm i dont know ifi can just take your word on that re:#8 im afraid iwill need to see photo proof ;-)

[tet68]

Philippine History?

[rockfish59]

One thing you will hear:

Who's that bitch?

[StatesEnemy]

A quick little trip to this loser's site and I almost felt sorry for him

Why? Did he get married? :-P

[LanPB01]

I'm curious as to whether or not you've ever said any of these things.

[rface]

#32..I'm tired of watching the LifeTime channel. Lets get on of those pay-per-view dirty movies.

[HighWheeler]

"I don't need those shoes, I already have some in that color."

"I've decided I'm not doing any more fad diets, I'm just going to exercise and eat less, that's all."

"I filled the tank."

"Honey, where is the Phillips screwdriver and Cresent wrench?"

"This VCR is a snap to set up!"

"I put a 75 watt bulb in the garage fixture, that 60 watter was just too dim."

[Muleteam1]

I noticed that at the "No Marriage.com" site there is a poll asking "What are the best cities to meet friendly, low-maintenance, non-stuck up women?" Herein lies the problem with this poor disturbed fellow. He is seeking someone just as troubled as himself. A city of any type is a bad bet that anyone, male or female, will find a mate worth keeping.

Muleteam1

[rface]

EDIT: Lets get one of those pay-per-view dirty movies.

[WhyisaTexasgirlinPA]

I mow the lawn, I watch football, and I initiate sex....... hey, maybe I'm a guy! lol

[rface]

you got a sister?

[dware]

I guess I'm one of the luckiest guys on earth. I've heard my wife say more of those things than not, including the ones that folks have posted as additions!

[StriperSniper]

And I thought you forgot the "it" and "to", bracketing the "on".

I've got one:

Just sit there and have this cold beer, I'll clean the fish.

(Actually, when I was growing up my uncles friend had a girlfriend who I don't know if she said it, but always did it. Yes, he married her. ;-)

[hole_n_one]

Too bad you don't live in our house. We respect and look after one another. This list doesn't apply to us.

*

[M Kehoe]

31. Honey, you don't have enough ammunition.
32. Honey, don't you need another shotgun? Let's go to Green Top and buy another one today.

5.56mm

[annyokie]

This is so wrong. I've said a lot of these things!