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30 things you'll never hear a woman say
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Posted on 08/17/2003 2:08:54 PM PDT by freepatriot32
1. You know, I've been complaining a lot lately. I don't blame you for ignoring me.
2. The new girl in my office is a real beauty, and a stripper too, I invited her over for dinner on Friday.
3. While you were in the bathroom, they went for it on fourth down and missed. If they can hold them to a field goal they'll still cover.
4. Bar food again! Kick a--.
5. I liked that wedding even more than ours. Your ex-girlfriend has class.
6. That girl is wearing the same outfit as I am. Cool, I'm gonna go over and talk to her.
7. Let's just leave the toilet seat "up" at all times, then you don't have to mess with it anymore.
8. I've decided to buy myself a boob job. How big do you want'em?
9. It's only the third quarter, you should order a couple more pitchers.
10. Honey, come here! Watch me do a Tequila Shot off of Stephanie's bare a--.
11. My mother is going to take care of the tab, so order another round for you and your friends.
12. I'm so happy with my new hairstyle, I don't think I'll ever change it again.
13. Damn! I love when my pillow smells like your cigars and beer.
14. You are so much smarter than my father.
15. If we're not going to have sex, then you have to let me watch football.
16. Are you sure you've had enough to drink?
17. I've decided to stop wearing clothes around the house.
18. You're so sexy when you're hung over.
19. I'd rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping.
20. Let's subscribe to Hustler.
21. I'll be out painting the house.
22. I love it when you ride your Harley, I just wish you had more time to ride.
23. Honey, our new neighbor's daughter is sunbathing again, come see!
24. No, No, I'll take the car to have the oil changed.
25. Your mother is way better than mine.
26. Do me a favor, forget the stupid Valentine's Day thing and buy yourself something.
27. Listen, I make enough money for the both of us, why don't you retire.
28. You need your sleep ya big silly, now stop getting up for the night feedings.
29. Look! My a-- is fatter than yours!
30. Let's get rid of my friends and keep all of yours.
TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS:
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To: NativeNewYorker
Was it a multiplication problem?
21
posted on
08/17/2003 2:26:44 PM PDT
by
Iwo Jima
To: NativeNewYorker
Is this the place for the joke about the husband and wife out to dinner, when his mistress shows up?
22
posted on
08/17/2003 2:26:48 PM PDT
by
tet68
To: freepatriot32
1, 19, 24, and 28
I guess y'all just know the wrong women.
23
posted on
08/17/2003 2:26:58 PM PDT
by
Tax-chick
(Out of touch with trends since 1966.)
To: freepatriot32
Too bad you don't live in our house. We respect and look after one another. This list doesn't apply to us.
24
posted on
08/17/2003 2:27:01 PM PDT
by
nmh
To: riri
hmm i dont know ifi can just take your word on that re:#8 im afraid iwill need to see photo proof ;-)
25
posted on
08/17/2003 2:28:00 PM PDT
by
freepatriot32
(Heaven is weary, of the hollow words Which States and Kingdoms utter when they talk of justice)
To: Iwo Jima
Philippine History?
26
posted on
08/17/2003 2:28:15 PM PDT
by
tet68
To: freepatriot32
One thing you
will hear:
Who's that bitch?
To: NYpeanut
A quick little trip to this loser's site and I almost felt sorry for him Why? Did he get married? :-P
To: Cathryn Crawford
I'm curious as to whether or not you've ever said any of these things.
29
posted on
08/17/2003 2:34:24 PM PDT
by
LanPB01
To: freepatriot32
#32..I'm tired of watching the LifeTime channel. Lets get on of those pay-per-view dirty movies.
30
posted on
08/17/2003 2:35:40 PM PDT
by
rface
(Ashland, Missouri - Freeping polls since 1998)
To: freepatriot32
"I don't need those shoes, I already have some in that color."
"I've decided I'm not doing any more fad diets, I'm just going to exercise and eat less, that's all."
"I filled the tank."
"Honey, where is the Phillips screwdriver and Cresent wrench?"
"This VCR is a snap to set up!"
"I put a 75 watt bulb in the garage fixture, that 60 watter was just too dim."
31
posted on
08/17/2003 2:36:24 PM PDT
by
HighWheeler
(Do not remove this tagline under penalty of law.)
To: freepatriot32
I noticed that at the "No Marriage.com" site there is a poll asking "What are the best cities to meet friendly, low-maintenance, non-stuck up women?" Herein lies the problem with this poor disturbed fellow. He is seeking someone just as troubled as himself. A city of any type is a bad bet that anyone, male or female, will find a mate worth keeping.
Muleteam1
To: rface
EDIT: Lets get one of those pay-per-view dirty movies.
33
posted on
08/17/2003 2:36:59 PM PDT
by
rface
(Ashland, Missouri - Freeping polls since 1998)
To: TexasCowboy
I mow the lawn, I watch football, and I initiate sex....... hey, maybe I'm a guy! lol
To: WhyisaTexasgirlinPA
you got a sister?
35
posted on
08/17/2003 2:41:33 PM PDT
by
rface
(Ashland, Missouri - Freeping polls since 1998)
To: freepatriot32
I guess I'm one of the luckiest guys on earth. I've heard my wife say more of those things than not, including the ones that folks have posted as additions!
36
posted on
08/17/2003 2:43:03 PM PDT
by
dware
(ingredients include mechanically separated chicken and beef parts)
To: rface
And I thought you forgot the "it" and "to", bracketing the "on".
I've got one:
Just sit there and have this cold beer, I'll clean the fish.
(Actually, when I was growing up my uncles friend had a girlfriend who I don't know if she said it, but always did it. Yes, he married her. ;-)
37
posted on
08/17/2003 2:43:27 PM PDT
by
StriperSniper
(Make South Korea an island)
To: nmh
Too bad you don't live in our house. We respect and look after one another. This list doesn't apply to us. *
To: freepatriot32
31. Honey, you don't have enough ammunition.
32. Honey, don't you need another shotgun? Let's go to Green Top and buy another one today.
5.56mm
39
posted on
08/17/2003 2:45:26 PM PDT
by
M Kehoe
To: freepatriot32
This is so wrong. I've said a lot of these things!
40
posted on
08/17/2003 2:45:32 PM PDT
by
annyokie
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