Spread a Little on Me ( Stupid baby names)

http://www.misanthropic-bitch.com/briandrye.html ^

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

In a previous article, I introduced three members of my family: Brianna, Brianna's mother and Brianna's still-baking sibling.

After learning that my aunt intended to name a female infant "Taylor Jade," I gave my opinion of the name.

"What a wonderful name, I exclaimed, for a future professional hooker! If you want your daughter to augment her breasts and slurp other things in lieu of water, stick with that name."

A look of horror washed across my aunt's face, and she left. To her credit, she didn't stick with that name. To my amusement, she went with one even worse.

It's a girl!

Huh? Wha? It's 2 a.m. What's a girl?

I had a girl! Isn't that great?

Who the heck is this?

It's your aunt, and I had a girl!

Huh? Oh, Taylor Jade made her arrival?

We decided on a new name.

Well, bully for you.

We settled on "Riley"!

Oh, God, Riley is so trashy. Why don’t you just hand her over to the porn industry to raise? Because when I think of Riley, especially with your last name, I think, "How much does she charge?"

That’s awful. That’s a really rotten thing to say. Besides, we’re spelling it R-Y-L-E-E. That makes it classier.

Oh, sure, if the class you’re trying to rise above thinks a double-wide trailer is luxurious. Don’t you know there’s a direct correlation between extraneous "y"’s in a kid’s name and the number of laws they’ll violate? And what’s with the "-ee"? How cutesy is that?

You can be really rotten sometimes.

I know, it’s a gift. I’m just trying to save the kid some pain. There’s a cardinal rule in naming kids, and it is "Thou shall not mix ethnicities." Rylee sounds Irish. Your surname is LeManne. Rylee LeManne. It’s like me being Rosita Connelly. It’s not allowed.

But I’m all about the nicknames. You know that. I named Brianna "Brianna" because I like "Bri" for a nickname. I picked "Rylee" because "Ry" is so damn cute.

Jesus Christ. Bri and Ry? Like cheese and bread? You’re naming your kids after cheese and bread?

Well, I never thought of it like that.

You should have. It’s perfect for an incestuous lesbian stage show, though. "The Incestuous Lesbian Duo, Bread and Cheese LeManne." What’s the tagline going to be? "Hey, Bri, come over here and spread some on me?"

*click*

That's the last time I try to help a family member.

But my aunt isn't alone in doling out cutesy or "unique" names to her living accessories. It's a nationwide trend.

With society churning out Columbine Borg at a rapid pace, naming a child is one of the few remaining acceptable outlets for individuality. We want our kids to conform because conformity is the glue that holds society together. But giving them a name that no one ever thought to bestow upon a child -- Dysmenorrhea, for example -- allows parents to demonstrate some level of non-conformity.

Of course, buying a child a chemistry set and encouraging the exploration of the wonderful world of chemicals is far less embarrassing than saddling a child with the name "Cannon."

Along with creative names come creative spellings. Maybe the parents weren't clever enough to invent a name. Maybe they liked the sound of a traditional name, but they still wanted their child to have a leg up on the Lakens and Teagans.

But does spelling matter when the teacher calls on Julie, Jullee, Jewlee, Julliee and Julye?

"Rylee" is but one example of misspelled monikers. Traditional names become undecipherable.

Mayghan? Is it pronounced like the more traditional "Megan"? Or May-ghan? May-gun? My-gun? How can anyone tell in a country brimming with Brinleys, Hollyns and Kestins? Where Matthew becomes "Matthue," a too-trendy Carson becomes "Karsyn" and an overdone Taylor transforms into "Teighlor"?

Then there are the parents who completely lack creativity. They give rise to the Trumans, Willows, Xanders, Dawsons and Dharmas. They're television or movie addicts, and a name that fits a fictional character will surely fit their snookums.

And the stranger the name or spelling, the more apt the parents are to eschew discipline.

During finals, I escaped to the local public library to study. Libraries are quiet, or so I've heard.

Fifteen minutes into studying, a book fell on the floor. Again and again, a book fell on the floor. I got up to see who the klutz was, and it was none other than an adorable female toddler.

She purposely threw the book on the floor. Again and again. After five minutes of that, and perhaps noticing annoyance on the faces of other people, the mother half-heartedly attempted to discipline her angel.

"Kinsey, stop it. Stop it, Kinsey. Please, Mommy is trying to read, Kinsey."

What the heck? Kinsey? Like the Kinsey Institute? Either Mommy is kinky or stupid.

My vote was on the latter because for 20 minutes, Kinsey entertained the library with her antics.

I doubt a Jennifer would do that, but I bet a Jenypher would.

[Fintan]

[surrey]

My daughter is expecting their 2nd baby next month. I keep telling her to picture this child as an adult. My friend's husband works with a Bunny and she's in her 50's. When Iwas in parochial school in the early 50's I was one of 8 Patricias in my class. We were always referred to by our 1st and last names.

[doodad]

I knew a girl whose name was vagina.

[coder2]

You do look young for your age --- that's great..

However, you still are wayyy too young for me... !!! LOL

[Southflanknorthpawsis]

One of the cruelest I heard was a friend's sister and brother-in-law whose last name was Ray and they named their son Cosmic.

[Shenandoah]

My wife and I had a schlue of nicknames for our children when they were little. Two of my favorites were, for my daughter, "Squidgy boing-boing", and for my son, "Chinker bean."

[T Minus Four]

Collision at Sea: The luxury Italian liner Andrea Doria, listing heavily starboard in the final moments of her death throes, 1956.

Did your mom name you before or after it sank?

[goose1]

I will add my 2 cents,while working for R.C.A. in N.Y. one of our customers was last named Humsucker,and while a member of the volunteer fire dept in long Island our chief was named last name Balls. What a Country.

[FreeTally]

Shalaka, Shakakhan, Cherokee, Hunter, Gunner, Faith, Hope, Roman, La'everythingyoucanimagine etc.

Now, if someone with the last name "Hunter" named their son "Cherokee", that would be funny.

[Nubbin]

I hope, at least, that Chester is a boy (?) LOL....

We just found out that the grandbaby we are expecting in June will be a boy. His name will be David Charles. Of course that doesn't really go with his italian surname, but my daughter refused to name him Guisseppe (my son-in-law's suggestion!)

[Captainpaintball]

How about THIS name?

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/news/840891/posts

[Loyalist]

The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy is by far Laurence Sterne's best-known world, which is essentially a novel about Tristram Shandy's writing of a novel of his life history. Still as witty and enjoyable today as when it was written in the 1760's.

[angcat]

Love the picture. No I'm much younger than that. 1964. You are getting all my stats on this thread!

[Office Manager]

You're kinda weird, aren't you? Who died and made you in charge of what people name their children? Leave people alone. Show some respect & courtesy. Oh, and most importantly....grow up! Move beyond the center of the universe believe you've always had about yourself. No one cares.

[linn37]

My dad wanted me to be Johnny Belinda,thankfully my mother loved me enough to stop that.My brother-in-law named one boy Rusty and the younger one Denim,I have a neice named Regan,yes brother loved Ronald,the rest have somewhat normal names thank goodness.
Never forget the day my brother-in-law informed me of Denims name. I said your joking me right? Could have heard a pin drop.

[Ga Rob]

The boxing and things such as that were already going to happen nothing to do with his name...even though like I said I know he will have to defend it for sure...but he'll have to ensure he's not "new mown grass" for alot of reasons.

Tristan is his first name no reason other than we like it
Malcolm is a family first name
Fraser is a family surname which came to this country from Scotland after the Rising
Blaylock is his last name

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

No, am I not kinda weird, but the same can not be said about you.

[tnlibertarian]

I went to high school with a girl who went by the intials B.J. As if that weren't bad enough, they stood for Baby Jane.