Posted on 02/14/2026 5:37:56 AM PST by DoodleBob
“[F]orgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”
Millions of Christians make that request all the time while praying the Lord’s Prayer. That “as” is the tricky part, as it could be taken to mean that we simply forgive others and ask God to do the same for us, or more formidably, that we’re asking God to forgive us to the same extent that we forgive others.
Either way, this powerful petition puts us in the driver’s seat when granting pardon and mercy to those who have wronged us. To beg forgiveness for our sins from the Almighty while refusing to forgive others simply doesn’t work.
Yet I’ve known Christians who have deliberately and completely separated themselves from family members or friends, including the following examples:
Unfortunately, such estrangements are increasing across America. “Ten years ago, a parent who had not met a grandchild or had been cut out of an adult child’s life was a rarity in counseling offices like mine,” writer and therapist Paula Rinehart recalls. “Now the experience is becoming far more common.” Rinehart cites a recent YouGov poll estimating that 38% of Americans are estranged from a sibling, parent/child, or grandparent/child.
Some online influencers and therapists are encouraging this trend, so much so that this phenomenon of wall-building and broken hearts has a name: “going no-contact.” It’s part of another increasingly popular idea, “setting boundaries,” in which a family member either goes full no-contact or sets rules for contact, like only allowing grandparents visitations twice a month or talking by phone rather than face-to-face. So many people are cutting out family members “that advocates have begun a concerted effort to normalize and destigmatize the practice,” Rinehart notes. “Groups such as Stand Alone are springing up to support adults going solo into the future.”
Contrary to what we read in some online commentary, politics isn’t a primary cause for these breakups. Much more common are manipulation, lies or betrayal, conflicts and criticism over lifestyle, and anger or resentments following a divorce. Physical, sexual, and emotional abuse also factor into some no-contact relationships.
In some cases, going no-contact is a necessity. Parents, for instance, may need to put up a wall of separation between their children and an alcoholic and verbally abusive grandparent. An ex-wife may want to sever all ties to a chronically angry spouse. Nor are boundaries necessarily bad. The old saying, “Never discuss religion or politics,” is a boundary. Refusing to take the bait and get hooked on your mother’s ongoing criticism of your sister is a boundary.
Yet the upward trend in severed family relationships also reflects and encourages other cultural shifts: the growth of isolation, the ongoing demolition of the family, a victim mentality, and a “Me First” attitude.
While in college more than 50 years ago, I met a self-absorbed graduate student, Larry, who often complained that his father was responsible for the messes in his life, ranging from low self-esteem to his lack of a driver’s license. Though I was only 20, Larry’s failure to take personal responsibility for his life struck me as immature and self-defeating. I thought then, and I think now, that a man in his mid-20s who’s still whining about his parents needs to grow up. No one was using terms like “victimhood” at the time, but Larry was suffering from that disease. The irony here is that so many people who claim victimhood make victims of themselves.
Another negative consequence of “going no-contact” is the example it sets for children. If you cut off your mother on account of her constant carping and criticism, you are giving a stamp of approval to no-contact that your own children may one day apply to you. “It’s a plague that can become a way of doing life,” Rinehart notes.
Interestingly, the YouGov poll reveals that large percentages of estranged relatives would in certain circumstances consider reconciliation. Nearly always, it’s up to one of the parties involved to initiate the repairs: a letter, a phone call, a message delivered via a mutual friend or relative. Is this difficult? Absolutely. And if conversation between the aggrieved parties resumes, someone will need to take the next difficult step and say aloud those two tough words, “I’m sorry.” Reconciliation is rarely easy and may require an immense amount of time and effort.
You don’t need to be a Christian, or even particularly religious, to understand the noble truth of Alexander Pope’s quote, “To err is human, to forgive divine.” Forgiveness is chivalry of the soul in action.
And that’s where the mending begins.
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The grey rock method is a strategy for protecting yourself from abusive or toxic friends, partners, co-workers, or family members. This method theorizes that, when dealing with an emotionally abusive, toxic, or narcissistic person, withholding your reactions can put a stop to their behaviors. If you show no emotion they won’t get the thrill or enjoyment out of their harmful behavior.
https://psychcentral.com/health/grey-rock-method
This should be taught to everyone, starting as children.
???
Many survivors of child abuse in the home describe how the only beacon of hope they met were teachers or neighbors.
Many parents are estranged from their children because of the parents' behavior.
Thanks for posting this.
Yes...my Girl Scout leader (for 11 years) and her husband were an anchor in my life. They helped me see “ normal” behavior...plus they liked me.
Mr. GG2’s two grown children have pretty much gone no contact on him. No reason that we know of unless its either politics because they are raging libtards living in San Jose and Seattle or they resent that he doesn’t fly across the country every 15 minutes to visit. Its very hurtful. His daughter calls him once or twice a year. The son does not call or return calls.
My opinion is that they were brought up spoiled and self centered and now they are totally self absorbed. I have no use for either one of them.
My wife and I have been shunned by my younger sister for several years now because of our faith and belief in the Lord. To this very day, she mocks our faith and makes fun of our trust in the Lord to my siblings and other family members. We tried talking to her on several occasions in an attempt to try and mend the rift between us....all to no avail. She actually went so far as to threatening to kill us both!!
So, we still love her in the Lord, pray for her on a regular basis, etc. However, I do NOT condone what she’s become, including her views on life and God..... and I’m NOT gonna stand there and let her bad mouth us in front of everybody...sorry, it’s just ain’t gonna happen....so we stay far away from her, shunned and glad for it. It’s sad, but we’ve done all we know to do to mend it....all to no avail.
It’s obviously in God’s hands, and no longer in ours.
To put it simply....
Forgiveness does not equal access....
Exactly.
It was a wonderful experience. I learned a lot from it.
They whine about how she should "forgive".
That is how you end up with dead or vanished children.
When it comes to kids, their safety has priority.
You will not be free from her until you forgive. Once you have forgiven in your mind, she will no longer live rent free in your mind.
No contact is better than giving someone a beating who very much deserves it. That’s how things were done in the old days, but that no longer is socially acceptable.
This is where Christianity failed, the ridiculous forgiveness notion, whichweakened it from the start. Christians will eventually become extinct because of it. They will “forgive” as Muslims, leftists, Chinese etc exterminate them. Well, then good riddance, go to your pie in the sky “reward”.
Contrast that with say, Islam, which says EXTERMINATE your external enemies. It is growing and conquering. Do you want to kill or be killed, those are the choices at a biological level.
Well... in battle, forgiveness isn’t a thing.
“...make the other bastard die for his country”
Like!
After reading these I’m so glad that our children are all involved in each others lives and ours. We’ve got four, living in four different states. One is married, another will be popping the question in a few weeks. The married one just told us she’s cooking her first baby.
The kids forged some traditions that they’ve continued for years. The midnight Denny’s run on Christmas Eve is a highlight for them. We purposely don’t join them. We also stayed away from the matching tattoos they got highlighting a family joke.
Our Christian faith and our unstoppable sense of humor gets us through any squabbles.
Some people just can’t accept that their adult kids and siblings are entitled to their own way of life, and to hold their tongues when it comes to criticisms, and to keep politics and religion away from the dinner table when people disagree.
I recognized when my kids were very little that I wasn’t entitled to their gratitude or respect, and I never sought it. I get their affection freely given, and I treasure it.
Also … Cluster B people, as much as you love them, as much as they may be blood, are not worth the agita that any meaningful amount of time with them carries.
I’m not a fan of showy “no contact” so my Cluster B in-laws and family get 2-3 hours a year. Fly in for a holiday or have them do so, eat at a restaurant with them (having well fortified at a bar beforehand), they or we stay at hotel, then (they) go home. Repeat next year. Better for me … and frankly better for them.
Yes. Forgiveness is required in my Christian faith. Forgiveness does not mean reconciliation. Forgiveness does not mean going back to the same relationship.
My forgiving those who did horrible things to me, said worse, has been healing. Asking God to change me, has been healing. Praying for my enemies has been healing and liberating. In the end, I can honestly say I wish the same healing to the abusers that it has been my fate to be related to.
Thank you for sharing this.
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