Posted on 12/05/2025 9:58:11 AM PST by Navy Patriot
CARACAS — A young employee's burgeoning career took a massive step forward this week, as a junior cartel member was excited to find out that he was already getting an opportunity to drive the boat.
Luis Delgado, who had only been hired by the cartel two months ago, was notified by his supervisors that he had been promoted to boat driver for the upcoming shipment of narcotics to the United States.
"This is the most amazing day of my life!" Delgado said after hearing the news. "I knew joining the cartel gave me a career with a lot of potential and room for growth, but I never imagined that I would be moving up the ladder so quickly. My boss, Javier ‘El Burro' Marquez, told me that this promotion could really be explosive for my future. If I do a good job and things go well, things could really blow up for me."
The Venezuelan cartel had experienced a spike in turnover in recent weeks, with sources saying the organization was struggling to fill boat positions quickly enough to keep operations running smoothly. "We need more men," one insider said. "It can be so hard to find good help these days. At least help that will survive more than one or two trips. It's a good opportunity for these young guys to step up and draw some fire — er, I mean, show us what they can do."
At publishing time, witnesses said they had seen large flashes of light and heard loud booms from the direction where Delgado had driven his boat, leading them to assume he was setting off fireworks to celebrate his new job.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
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The good news is these young sailors won’t have to wait long to be entrusted with their first command ... Opportunities for promotion are ...
...
booming
...
Lot’s of opportunity for upward mobility.
IIRC, the average life expectancy of a Field Artillery Forward Observer was 15 minutes.
Be sure to wear your life vest.
The FBI needs to check to see how many DemonRAT Senators might be getting kick backs from the ACME COYOTE SPEED BOAT DRUG DELIVERY SERVICE.
It’s a booming industry!
Delgado gave up a chance to score an athletic scholarship as a javelin catcher for this plum assignment.
Yes, he’ll soar to new heights.
Should have stuck with fishing for a living. Lower pay perhaps, but at least you can live past 40.
He loves his job to pieces.
EVERY DAY—— IN EVERY WAY-—THE BEE IS ENTERTAINING US ALL
Keep an eye out for Sea Bats.
...upward mobility...
you...you...! Lol
The sky’s the limit.
That said, these cartels are as well-run as most corporations, and probably far more efficiently (and ruthlessly) than many.
They would not continue running these water routes were they no longer profitable, so for every boat we're sinking, there's probably at least a few more getting past these missile-strikes. For the cartels, the lives of the boat runners is worth nothing compared to the lost product which is where they weigh their true losses. That they continue risking boatloads of drugs leads me to conclude they're still able to make delivery on enough to risk the occasional loss of a boat and crew.
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