Posted on 11/18/2025 6:03:42 PM PST by E. Pluribus Unum
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — With Christmas just around the corner, San Francisco encouraged residents to get their shoplifting done early this year.
"Hard to believe the looting season is already upon us!" said a spokesperson for city council. "We are encouraging all residents to begin shoplifting for Christmas before everything, including the stores themselves, are shuttered and gone!"
Though typically last-minute shoplifters, local couple Jared and Stacey Adams said they would be committing grand larceny much earlier this year. "I waited until Christmas Eve last year and every store in the city had been cleared out and turned into safe injection sites for hobos," said Mr. Adams. "This year, I'm going out with my crowbar the moment Thanksgiving dinner is over. Gosh, it seems like the season for knocking over Apple Stores gets earlier every year, doesn't it?"
With many of San Francisco's hobos temporarily stuffed in closets due to hosting President Xi, the city advised citizens to start burglarizing local businesses right away. "This is a rare opportunity for San Franciscans to perform coordinated smash-and-grabs on nice, clean streets," said the spokesperson. "We hope everyone will take advantage of this rare chance for a less-crowded looting experience."
At publishing time, Mayor Breed was seen joining in on the action as she carefully picked out $949 worth of Macy's merchandise for friends and family.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
|
Click here: to donate by Credit Card Or here: to donate by PayPal Or by mail to: Free Republic, LLC - PO Box 9771 - Fresno, CA 93794 Thank you very much and God bless you. |
Mr. Henke!
I love these BEE. I’m rarely expecting to laugh when I read a headline, so, I love these.
Sometimes he’s nutty
Sometimes he’s corny
He can be brown or greenish brown
Where in the wide, wide world of sports does that come from?
Yes, you need to start shoplifting early in the Christmas season.
That way all that stuff could be resold to fences and they can still make profits during the season.
They do not like to hold that stuff for a year for the next season.
South Park (Before they went all political, all the time)
That’s is another funny article from The Bee...
South Park
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.