Heartwarming: Group Of Senile Senior Citizens Finally Finds Employment

The Bee ^ | November 12, 2025 | Staff

[Navy Patriot]

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bit of uplifting news today, a group of senile senior citizens in the D.C. area will finally be able to say that they have jobs.

The federal government is set to hire just over five hundred elderly, mentally incapacitated individuals.

"It's really touching," said local woman Jennifer Maxwell. "It's so important for old people, especially those who have lost their mental functions, to still feel like they can contribute. They just want to feel like they're a part of something. Getting to see all these geriatrics be able to call themselves employed, to dress up in a suit — it's special."

The senior citizens will reportedly be driven to work a few days every month, where several aides will be present to care for them. "There will be several helpers to guide the old folks around and tell them what to do," explained government aide Nancy McAllister. "They'll get to talk to people and sign their name on things. We try to make them feel important."

At publishing time, the senior citizens had reportedly taken a vote and decided to stop working again in January.

[Navy Patriot]

In America, anyone can get a Government job, no matter how incompetent.

America is the kindest nation on Earth!

[sjmjax]

Very possibly the best description of Congress I’ve read in a long time!

[7thson]

I have to disagree a bit with you on this.

I'm a retired Fed employee and it is difficult to get a Fed job, mainly because a lot of hiring is done based on who you know and not what you know. I have seen this throughout my work life in the Navy, as a contractor, and as an Editor on the Joint Chiefs of Staff. Trying to get hired at the VA is especially hard as most of their job advertisements hire from within the VA. When I retired from the Navy in 1996, I was offered a government position in the building I was working at, but foolishly declined. Did not have to apply for the job, fill out a resume, or anything. A Captain said a position was opened and they were going to give it me. Biggest mistake I ever made not taking the job. It took me 13 years to get a government position after that.

[dayglored]

The OP neglected to include the Bee's picture, which is part of the story!

Here ya go -- THESE are the "Senile Senior Citizens" the article is about:

[Navy Patriot]

...it is difficult to get a Fed job, mainly because a lot of hiring is done based on who you know and not what you know.

Exactly, and possibly that fact reflects on whom gets hired.

Of course my barb was not aimed at competent, well trained, highly experienced Veterans like yourself.

Thank You for your Continuing Service.

Do not stand near a Democrat politician, someone may get a photo.

[Navy Patriot]

That would be me, I actually want FReepers to read the story at the publishers site, when it’s a quality publisher.

[Opinionated Blowhard]

Its not a parody if its real.

[dayglored]

> That would be me, I actually want FReepers to read the story at the publishers site, when it’s a quality publisher.

Fair enough -- The Bee deserves the hits. :-)

[Rummyfan]

In many such cases, the job opening is created with the candidate already designated. They just have to go through the motions of the hiring practices in order to check all the boxes.

[Rummyfan]

Effing Sanders … that old yenta has been living off our taxes - and very well at that - his entire life. And he calls himself a socialist to boot! Comes the revolution I know whom I m going after….

[7thson]

Thnk you for the kind words.

One other thing I discovered throughout my work life within and without the Fed government. The best and brightest - for the most part - do not get hired by the Fed, especially the fields like lawyers and doctors. Those that graduate in the top of their class tend to get snatched up by prestigious firms and medical centers, leaving the Frank Burns to be employed by the government.