Posted on 11/09/2025 5:25:46 PM PST by E. Pluribus Unum
https://babylonbee.com/news/man-converts-to-7th-day-adventism-so-he-can-watch-nfl-all-sunday-long
FRESNO, CA — Local man Dennis Townsend has converted to Seventh Day Adventism in order to spend all Sunday sitting on the couch watching NFL games.
Long frustrated by missing the early slate of games for church, Townsend could hardly believe his luck when he learned of a group that only has church on Saturday.
"You mean, you never have church on Sunday? Like, you never once miss kick-off?" asked Townsend. "Well, I'm convinced. The evidence for Seventh Day Adventism is just overwhelming, and I literally have no choice but to convert."
Townsend states that his religious conversion has lead to a notable improvement in his fantasy football performance. "Boy, do I love being Seventh Day Adventist," said Townsend as he sent smack talk to his fantasy opponent. "I've always been at a big disadvantage in our league, not being able to watch all the games. Hard doing fantasy against agnostics that don't have to go to church. But, thanks to Seventh Day Adventism, my team 'Country Road, Take Mahomes' is on fire."
At publishing time, Townsend had been seen at the office spreading the good news of Seventh Day Adventism to his friend Steve who had missed seeing the Packers game because of church.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
What is he going to do come playoff time? Plenty of big Saturday games then.
Just like the Ox in the hole, he will have to take time cheer his team.
Tucker: That pro football was moved to Sundays is proof that the Jews are taking over America.
Alabamians: Do some people play football on Saturday?
Makes sense
/s
High Schools play football on Fridays
Colleges on Saturday
Pros on Sunday (and other days too).
Yeah I typed that when I was getting sleepy LOL
That used to be true, although high schools with no lights would play Saturday afternoon.
Colleges play any day now. Even high schools play on Thursday to accommodate radio broadcasts.
This week there are college games on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday.
Thursday night football is awful and unfair. Pros could do Mondays, Friday, and Saturday nights as well as Sunday-minimum 5 days off between games. Colleges keep Saturdays as well as one big game each evening Tues-Wed-Th. It’s money for them and entertainment for us addicts.
Babylon Bee is stupid-even I get caught up.
Be a Baptist, they get you out by 12:00 noon so you have time to hit the beer store on the way home for 12:30PM kickoffs.
One idea I (and others) have kicked around:
The teams that play on Thursday have a bye the previous week.
3 games on Thanksgiving, so that’s 20 games (40 slots) for 32 teams. That would give 10-11 days before the Thursday game and 10-11 games after.
Currently the byes are distributed weeks 5-14; but let’s make that 4-16 and just 2 teams get byes each week.
I’m sure Amazon wouldn’t like the idea.
Best fantasy team names I heard this season: Better Business Burrow and Tua Infinity and Bijan.
And from a couple seasons ago: My Tight End Ertz When Erfurt.
Agreed. They are (1) usually dog games and (2) there’s no way teams can be rested and prepared with only three days off. The only plus is that they then Have ten days off.
So why are you telling me this? Must be something to it because I just turned on Clemson vs. Louisville and I get youtubetv. ESPN-I guess Disney settled it with them.
I or one of u will post.
Given Seventh Day Adventist dietary laws, he won’t be able to munch on hot dogs, chicken wings or pepperoni pizza while watching football.
As long as he can drink beer, it’s all good.
that sounds like a tremendous evangelization marketing strategy for SDA
except that much of the football game junk food (especially the hot dog) doesn’t qualify on the SDA Health Message
and maybe the NFL will need to rename the “Hail Mary” pass, too?
Sports means nothing.
FTFY
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