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At Last: Airlines Introduce Ejection Seats For People Who Have Loud Conversations
BabylonBee.com ^ | Oct 16, 2025 | The Babylon Bee

Posted on 10/16/2025 3:57:07 PM PDT by E. Pluribus Unum

U.S. — Airline passengers of the world could finally breathe a sigh of relief, as all major airlines have introduced ejection seats for people who have loud conversations.

According to representatives from Delta, Southwest, United, Spirit, Frontier, and Canada Air, all commercial aircraft were being retrofitted with ejection seats to get rid of irritating, inconsiderate jerks who have loud conversations when you're trying to sleep.

"It's a huge step forward in customer satisfaction," said airline spokesman Bob Jet. "People love it. Just one syllable above a certain noise threshold, and — FWOOOSH — your irritating neighbor will be going for a much faster, shorter flight than they planned. Passengers have told us that it's the only good thing in air travel since Continental went out of business and stopped giving out free hot chocolate chip cookies."

Passengers love the new feature.

"I can't wait to fly again," said Michael Holmes, a frequent airline passenger. "No longer will I be plagued with stupid conversations with people in my aisle. No longer will I have to try to sleep through impromptu business meetings. Just a quiet, serene flight, occasionally punctuated by rocket launchers ejecting noisy travelers."

At publishing time, airlines had improved air travel even more by equipping planes with ejector seats for passengers who chew with their mouths open.

(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; satire

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1 posted on 10/16/2025 3:57:07 PM PDT by E. Pluribus Unum
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To: E. Pluribus Unum

I figured it was in the can.


2 posted on 10/16/2025 3:58:04 PM PDT by Morgana ( “Abortion is the ultimate exploitation of women.” — Alice Paul 🇺🇸 )
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To: E. Pluribus Unum

Should give them the option to sit on the wing.


3 posted on 10/16/2025 4:13:24 PM PDT by Hebrews 11:6 (“…all who were appointed for eternal life believed.” Acts 13:48)
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To: Hebrews 11:6

-PJ

4 posted on 10/16/2025 4:15:36 PM PDT by Political Junkie Too ( * LAAP = Left-wing Activist Agitprop Press (formerly known as the MSM))
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To: Political Junkie Too

5 posted on 10/16/2025 4:42:18 PM PDT by Hebrews 11:6 (“…all who were appointed for eternal life believed.” Acts 13:48)
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To: Hebrews 11:6
Great movie!!!

Didn't care for the remake.

-PJ

6 posted on 10/16/2025 4:48:45 PM PDT by Political Junkie Too ( * LAAP = Left-wing Activist Agitprop Press (formerly known as the MSM))
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To: Political Junkie Too
Agreed. As is so often the case: 12 Angry Men, Karate Kid....Don't know why they bother, except of course $$$$$$$$$$$$.
7 posted on 10/16/2025 5:27:17 PM PDT by Hebrews 11:6 (“…all who were appointed for eternal life believed.” Acts 13:48)
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