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The Worst Opening Lines to Use on Dating Apps—And What to Say Instead
DNYUZ ^ | August 11, 2025 | Staff

Posted on 08/11/2025 1:10:16 PM PDT by Red Badger

If the first message you get from someone you matched with on a dating app leaves you speechless, hopefully it’s because you’re wowed by their good looks, witticisms, curious mind, and articulate nature.

If that sounds painfully naive, welcome to the apps in modern dating culture. The daters Julie Nguyen works with are more likely to be floored by the laziness, spelling errors, and sheer audacity of the people on the other end. “It’s a numbers game, so it’s really easy to just be like, ‘OK, I’m going to say something really quick and really generic because I’m going to be talking to a lot of people,’” says Nguyen, a relationship expert with the dating app Hily (Hey, I Like You). The worst messages, she adds, are usually short, boring, riddled with typos and grammar mistakes, or way too forward. They don’t invite any real depth, instead coming across as copied-and-pasted lines sent to everyone else on your match’s roster.

A thoughtful, sincere, and personalized message, on the other hand, is much more likely to lead to a conversation—and perhaps even a date. Getting a message like this is “such a relief,” Nguyen says. “The opening message really, really matters on dating apps.”

We asked Nguyen and other experts to share the worst opening messages to send on a dating app—plus what to say instead.

“Hey” or “Hi”

Sending a grand total of two or three letters to your match doesn’t tend to spell happily ever after. As an opening message, a simple hello is “generic laziness that screams, ‘I’m copy-pasting this to everyone and can’t be bothered making an effort with you,’” says Rhiannon DuBois, a clinical psychologist and founder of Heartbreaks & Retakes, which provides counseling for women navigating the end of a relationship. “It gives the receiver nothing to work with. It’s like, do they just respond ‘hey’ in response, or do they have to take on the labor of making conversation?”

“Hi” messages are so common that Michelle Herzog, a relationship therapist in Chicago, recommends a templated response to clients on the receiving end: “What about my profile made you say hello?” “It’s an invitation, and it’s a chance,” she says. “You’re giving them a chance to redeem themselves—and it’s also a really good filter, because if they don’t come back with something of value,” you can quickly and assuredly cut your losses.

“You’re hot”

This message—and its equally common, grammatically incorrect cousin, “Your so hot”—reduces someone to their appearance and suggests you’re only after one thing. “It’s very objectifying and inappropriate for a first message,” DuBois says. “It shows no respect. If your intention is a long-term relationship or even marriage, then that’s not the best approach.”

There is a way, she adds, to give a match a genuine compliment. “Keep in mind that it doesn’t have to be about their looks,” she says. Telling someone that it’s obvious they’re an involved parent or great dog mom, for example, “shows that you’ve seen them beyond their photos.”

“[Redacted overly sexual innuendo]”

Skip the overtly sexual or physical message; there’s a high likelihood it won’t go over well. That’s true even if you’re just looking for a hookup. “When you open that way, especially if it’s a man messaging a woman, for a lot of women it’s an immediate turn-off,” Herzog says. “It creates safety issues for people, and it’s nonconsensual, like, ‘I haven’t consented to you saying this nasty thing to me.’”

If you’re only interested in a physical encounter, she advises making that clear on your profile. That way, potential matches will be on the same page, and you’ll know you’re both looking for the same thing.

“I don’t really date brunettes, but you’re hot”

There’s a curious trend experts have noticed on dating apps: negging, or sending backhanded compliments or even straight-up insults designed to make the recipient seek validation. Telling someone they’re not usually your type comes across as though you’re suggesting they should be grateful you’re doing them the favor of giving them a chance.

If you get a message like this, Herzog recommends ignoring it. “I wouldn’t want my husband to talk to me like that,” she says. “I wouldn’t entertain it.”

“What are you doing right now?”

You wouldn’t walk up to a stranger at a bar and greet them by asking them what they were doing, Herzog points out. So don’t do it online, either. “These are people who aren’t taking dating very seriously,” she says. What should you say if you’re on the receiving end? Keep it short: “I like to be like, ‘Why?’” Herzog says. “‘What about me is encouraging you to send this message?’”

“Why are you on here?”

There’s no point in asking a potential match why they’re single. “It’s like, ‘Why are you single?’” Herzog says. “Is it because you’re asking this question?” There’s no substance to it; it’s not going to elicit some kind of meaningful, self-aware disclosure, especially as an introduction. Plus, “It puts someone immediately on defense, because it’s kind of judgy,” she says.

What to say instead

The best opening messages show genuine interest and thoughtfulness. They’re personalized, friendly, and flirty without crossing any lines, Nguyen says, and show you’re interested in a natural, organic way, without feeling performative. Here are a few expert-backed tips:

Try a question and a comment

Before sending a message, take the time to actually read someone’s profile and click through their photos. Then comment on something you saw—and ask a question about it. Instead of just saying “you’re cute,” for example, Nguyen suggests an approach like this: “I see you love going to concerts! That photo of you at the festival looks amazing. What’s the best show you’ve been to recently?” Open-ended questions are far more likely to secure a response than statements or simple yes-or-no queries.

It’s also a good idea to share something about yourself—like which artist you just snagged tickets to see. “It can change the dynamic of the conversation into something a lot deeper and make the person feel a spark of interest,” she says. “If you show genuine curiosity and bring that into an opening message, you’ll be more successful than most people are.”

Lean into your playful side

Show your personality, DuBois advises: Being light and flirty works well to open conversations, and often leads to fun banter. If you’re not sure if your message is hitting the mark, ask a friend or someone else you trust before pressing send.

Match their energy level

If someone’s profile hints that they’re reserved, don’t go overboard with exclamation points and an exuberant first message. “People need to feel comfortable and safe,” DuBois says. “If you were meeting someone in person, you’d try and match their energy level.”

Give voice messages a spin

Some apps allow users to send and receive voice messages. DuBois jokes that she exploited her Australian accent on the men of Texas when she was on dating apps. (She ended up meeting her husband on Bumble.) Your voice can add personality and warmth that written text doesn’t match. “It’s another level of engagement—another sensory experience they have with you,” she says. Of course, the standard rules apply: “You’ve got to be tasteful,” DuBois adds. “But I do think it stands out.”

Wondering what to say in a tricky social situation? Email timetotalk@time.com

The post The Worst Opening Lines to Use on Dating Apps—And What to Say Instead appeared first on TIME.


TOPICS: Computers/Internet; Military/Veterans; Miscellaneous; Society
KEYWORDS: dating; men; women
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To: Red Badger

Back in the day, “nice tits” and a smile worked more than once!


41 posted on 08/11/2025 2:00:45 PM PDT by 9422WMR
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To: Magnum44

For Christmas, I asked for a sweater, but I got a screamer.

Steven Wright


42 posted on 08/11/2025 2:09:03 PM PDT by KingLudd
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To: 9422WMR

43 posted on 08/11/2025 2:09:49 PM PDT by Magnum44 (...against all enemies, foreign and domestic... )
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To: Red Badger

I just say, “Yeah, I make a lot of money.”


44 posted on 08/11/2025 2:10:17 PM PDT by mfish13 (Elections have Consequences.)
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To: Red Badger

“I’ve got a gift for you but it’s too hard to wrap.”


45 posted on 08/11/2025 2:12:51 PM PDT by shaggy eel (A long way south of the border.)
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To: FamiliarFace

What do you mean?

I’m bookmarking this thread for Valentine’s Day.

It’s been a while since a thread had so many funny memes.


46 posted on 08/11/2025 2:16:27 PM PDT by samiam5
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To: mfish13

,,, let me guess - you bought cardboard when it was twelve cents a ton?


47 posted on 08/11/2025 2:19:11 PM PDT by shaggy eel (A long way south of the border.)
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To: samiam5
Thanks, I am surprised this thread hasnt broken posting records given the subject. But its early...


48 posted on 08/11/2025 2:24:08 PM PDT by Magnum44 (...against all enemies, foreign and domestic... )
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To: shaggy eel

49 posted on 08/11/2025 2:27:14 PM PDT by Magnum44 (...against all enemies, foreign and domestic... )
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To: Red Badger

“Just mention modern art, civil rights or folk music and you’re in like Flynn.”


50 posted on 08/11/2025 2:30:15 PM PDT by dfwgator (Endut! Hoch Hech!)
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To: shaggy eel

Ya gotta be quick to find such deals!


51 posted on 08/11/2025 2:32:48 PM PDT by mfish13 (Elections have Consequences.)
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To: mfish13

,,, yeah, there’s only the quick and the sorry :)


52 posted on 08/11/2025 2:34:23 PM PDT by shaggy eel (A long way south of the border.)
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To: Jamestown1630
Dating seems like it was a lot easier for my generation - and more fun...

Agreed. This dating app stuff seems insane. But I guess people stay home on their phones and computers.

53 posted on 08/11/2025 2:45:59 PM PDT by gitmo (If your theology doesn’t become your biography, what good is it?)
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To: Billthedrill

“Honey, you look finer’n a new set of snow tires...”


54 posted on 08/11/2025 2:54:02 PM PDT by Noumenon (Duty is as heavy as a mountain; death is as light as a feather. KTF)
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To: Larry Lucido

55 posted on 08/11/2025 2:56:43 PM PDT by Magnum44 (...against all enemies, foreign and domestic... )
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To: Red Badger

So you love MAGA rallies?


56 posted on 08/11/2025 2:58:14 PM PDT by bray (It's not racist to be racist against races the DNC hates.)
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To: FamiliarFace

57 posted on 08/11/2025 2:58:19 PM PDT by Magnum44 (...against all enemies, foreign and domestic... )
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To: Red Badger

Try this one- “What’s your favorite phallic symbol?”


58 posted on 08/11/2025 2:58:57 PM PDT by equaviator (Nobody's perfect. That's why they put pencils on erasers!)
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To: Red Badger

59 posted on 08/11/2025 2:59:34 PM PDT by Magnum44 (...against all enemies, foreign and domestic... )
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To: Red Badger

I am sure glad I don’t have to do this anymore!


60 posted on 08/11/2025 3:01:18 PM PDT by Zathras
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