Posted on 04/23/2025 6:09:08 PM PDT by E. Pluribus Unum
https://babylonbee.com/news/cnn-reports-behind-closed-doors-pope-is-focused-sharp-and-energetic
VATICAN CITY — CNN journalists on the ground at the Vatican are reporting that behind closed doors, Pope Francis remains focused, sharp, and brimming with energy.
Though videos circulating online have purportedly showed Pope Francis to be dead and lying in state at Saint Peter's Basilica, CNN stated these videos were "deepfakes" and part of a right-wing misinformation campaign.
"Claims of the Pope being dead are completely ridiculous. Francis has so much energy, we can barely keep up with him," said Kaitlan Collins. "These videos use deceptive editing and clever angles to make it appear that Pope Francis is dead and lying in a casket. Bad-faith actors are attempting to deceive people in order to push Francis out of power. Off-camera, Pope Francis continues to be as mentally fit as ever."
Despite CNN's assurances, polls show that the majority of the public still believe the Pope is dead. "I mean, he looks pretty dead," said local man Amando Buccio. "I know CNN says he's still really 'with it' off-camera, but on-camera it looks like a fairly straightforward dead guy. Hard to not believe my eyes on this one."
At publishing time, CNN had endorsed Pope Francis to continue leading the church for at least four more years.
(Excerpt) Read more at x.com ...
I have an idea for The Babylon Bee: “Catholics protest nationwide as flags are lowered in honor of Pope Francis.
If the Pope is alive does that mean that Vance could not have killed him?
Lol.
Jesse Jackson... ‘Keep the Pope alive’
As sharp as joe?
Dead Pope Skit
Oh yes, the Norwegian Blue. What’s wrong with it?
- I’ll tell you what’s wrong with it. It’s dead, that’s what’s wrong with it
- No no, it’s resting... look!
- Look my lad, I know a dead parrot when I see one and I’m looking at one right now
- No, no sir, it’s not dead. It’s resting
- Resting!?!
- Yeah, remarkable bird the Norwegian Blue, beautiful plumage, innit?
- The plumage don’t enter into it - it’s stone dead
- No, no - it’s just resting
- Alright then, if it’s resting I’ll wake it up: “Hello Polly! I’ve got a nice cuttlefish for you when you wake up, Polly Parrot!”
- There! It moved!
- No he didn’t. That was you pushing the cage
Despite no longer of this realm, singing to the celestial choir and being dead, the Pope is not only as sharp a Joe Biden but engaging in conversations with wit, keen logic and clarity, unlike Joe Biden.
He’s pumping iron, doing super sets now with Ruth Bader Ginsberg.
He had a cold.
Judge injunction: Pope Francis to remain alive.
Now that was Funny.
The Onion should take a lesson.
Best Bergoglio ever.
“Weekend at Francis’”
“This is the best version of Pope Bergolio ever” says Joe Scarborough...
In other news, Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead.
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