Trump Announces First 10 Executive Orders

The Babylon Bee ^ | Jan 17, 2025 | self

[citizen]

With just a few days to inauguration, President-elect Donald Trump is preparing to sign a slew of day-one executive orders that will begin making America great again. Here is an exclusive first look at what Trump has planned:

1. An executive order granting himself unlimited executive orders: How has no one else thought of this?

[citizen]

Trump hitting the ground running!

[citizen]

McRib lovers will be happy :)

[dayglored]

The full list:

1. An executive order granting himself unlimited executive orders: How has no one else thought of this?

2. McDonald's must keep the McRib on the menu all year: We are SO BACK.

3. A 6-foot sign saying "you must be this tall to enter" will be placed at the southern border: Immigration, solved.

4. J.D. Vance has to stop wearing eyeliner: It's so distracting.

5. All current children's television programming will be canceled and replaced with Legends Of The Hidden Temple: Thank you, sir.

6. The U.S. will no longer recognize Norway as a country: Not for any reason, just because we can.

7. All women will be required to lose ten pounds by swimsuit season: Honestly, this one's pretty sexist, but okay.

8. In lieu of the National Anthem, everyone must do the "YMCA" before any sporting event: So much greatness.

9. Serving veggie burgers will now be a capital offense: Good-bye, low T.

10. Whoopi Goldberg will be separated from her husband and assigned a white man to marry: She tried to warn us.

Get excited, folks. This is just the first step in making America great again.

[dayglored]

I’m pretty excited about #7, however I think it should be 10 pounds minimum as a default, but more like 20-30 in many cases.

[citizen]

Thanks!

Re JD...does he wear eye makeup? (followed by the obligatory “Not that there anything wrong with that”)

[citizen]

[bert]

Alas....... December came and went. But, the post Thanksgiving repetitive feast on McRibs was no allowed to happen.

[GingisK]

An executive order granting himself unlimited executive orders: How has no one else thought of this?

That is old hat. Barney Fife declared, "Rule number one, obey all rules."

[Disambiguator]

Whoopi is married? And who gets to pick the white guy she has to marry?

[Right Brother]

Gerald Nadler should be the pick.

[Disambiguator]

Good choice!

[Colofornian]

Who gets to pick? (It will be some SoCal judge sentencing some white guy to a lifetime sentence!)

[Seruzawa]

Can’t happen. Cruel and unusual punishment.

[ViLaLuz]

She should marry Adam Schiff. Can you imagine what the kids would look like?

[Wiser now]

The McRib shall be renamed “The Donald.”

[citizen]

The McRib shall be renamed “The Donald.”

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If only they would! LOL