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Are You Old? Know The Signs
Babylon Bee ^ | December 11, 2024 | Staff

Posted on 12/12/2024 4:48:07 PM PST by Twotone

As one generation gives way to the next, you may find yourself looking in the mirror and wondering, "Hey, am I old now?"

Here are 15 signs that you are, in fact, old:

1. You saw this article scrolling Facebook: Dead giveaway.

2. You have something in your wallet called "cash": Okay, boomer.

3. You take a minute to plan your approach before picking something up off the floor: Can't be too hasty.

4. You whisper secrets so Alexa doesn't hear you: You know they're listening!

5. You experience the sudden urge to put on a Steely Dan CD: Plus, you own CDs.

6. You have car glasses, reading glasses, work glasses, TV glasses, and regular glasses: None of which you can locate.

7. Your orthopedist named his boat after you: Subtle, but a sure sign.

8. You just checked the clock to see when you can take ibuprofen again: Nope, it's only been 13 minutes.

9. You tape little pieces of paper over your computer's camera so the hackers can't see you: Smart.

10. You think Babylon Bee headlines are real news: A classic symptom of oldness.

11. You sign all of your texts 'Love, Dad': And you think LOL means 'Lots of Love.'

12. Reeeeeee!!: Oh, that's just your tinnitus flaring up again.

13. You're on an Alaskan cruise: They're like a siren song to the old.

14. You were born in the 1930s: Pretty straightforward.

15. You got elected to Congress: Oof.

How many boxes did you check there, old-timer?


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: age; babylonbee; humor; old
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1 posted on 12/12/2024 4:48:07 PM PST by Twotone
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To: Twotone

5


2 posted on 12/12/2024 4:50:24 PM PST by mairdie (GreenwichVillage ArmyPoet: https://www.iment.com/maida/family/father/oldsoldiersdrums/frontcover.htm)
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To: Twotone

Three. So only approaching elderly.


3 posted on 12/12/2024 4:51:35 PM PST by BradyLS (DO NOT FEED THE BEARS!)
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To: Twotone

Four but to be fair, three because number 5 says, “5. You experience the sudden urge to put on a Steely Dan CD: Plus, you own CDs” which I do but I just put it on Youtube.

(Don’t want to get up).


4 posted on 12/12/2024 4:52:08 PM PST by Beowulf9
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To: Twotone
5. You experience the sudden urge to put on a Steely Dan CD: Plus, you own CDs.

CD's? Hell, I Steely Dan Vinyl

5 posted on 12/12/2024 4:53:42 PM PST by Michael.SF. (Pray for Biden: Psalms 109: 8)
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To: Twotone

I don’t know, can’t fing my reading glasses.


6 posted on 12/12/2024 4:53:54 PM PST by Fledermaus (The election is over! We won big! So why are so many here nick picking, moaning, and whining? )
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To: Twotone

Scrolling for what seems like five minutes to reach your birth year is a big eye opener. Or juxtaposing time spans, ie. it’s the same number of years from my birth year to now as the end of WWI to Reagan leaving office. Genuine “Holy S***!” revelations.


7 posted on 12/12/2024 4:55:01 PM PST by katana
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To: Twotone

I’m guilty of ‘2’ and almost ‘6’ (I have reading glasses and driving glasses) so i might be younger than I appear...I have CDs somewhere but not sure where.


8 posted on 12/12/2024 4:56:24 PM PST by posterchild
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To: Twotone

What’s ‘Alexis’????


9 posted on 12/12/2024 4:58:29 PM PST by HippyLoggerBiker (Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake. )
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To: Twotone
You think Babylon Bee headlines are real news

What are they talking about? Babylon Bee headlines ARE real news!

10 posted on 12/12/2024 5:00:32 PM PST by Billthedrill
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To: Twotone

Well, I have cash in my wallet, and I own and listen to CDs (including Steely Dan CDs), but that’s it for this list.


11 posted on 12/12/2024 5:02:34 PM PST by HartleyMBaldwin
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To: Twotone

You play movies from physical media.

See also https://www.engadget.com/entertainment/tv-movies/lg-will-stop-making-all-of-its-uhd-blu-ray-and-blu-ray-players-145054425.html

Also ref that guy with his owning nothing and liking it schtick.


12 posted on 12/12/2024 5:03:12 PM PST by No.6
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To: Twotone

5 for me. I’m 71 but my grandkids keep me informed about what the latest fads & memes are. They call me the “cool grandma” which I wear as a badge of honor.


13 posted on 12/12/2024 5:04:41 PM PST by Prince of Space (Trump 2024!)
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To: Michael.SF.

Records are becoming popular again.


14 posted on 12/12/2024 5:12:26 PM PST by cowboyusa (YESHUA IS KING OF AMERICA, AND HE WILL HAVE NO OTHER GODS BEFORE HIM!)
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To: Twotone
Two, five, six and nine.

Oh and I do not allow phones of any sort at the breakfast or dinner table. We are going to have a meal where we talk to each other like civilized people.

That makes me older then dirt.

15 posted on 12/12/2024 5:16:41 PM PST by Harmless Teddy Bear ( Not my circus. Not my monkeys. But I can pick out the clowns at 100 yards.)
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To: Twotone

I have a huge CD collection but my car has no CD player. When did that happen?


16 posted on 12/12/2024 5:17:18 PM PST by Doctor Congo
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To: No.6

Last week, I bought the Complete “Have Gun Will Travel” DVD set.

Yeah. I’m old.


17 posted on 12/12/2024 5:18:38 PM PST by Mr Rogers
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To: Twotone

You pay close attention to those commercials for a walk-in tub.


18 posted on 12/12/2024 5:18:52 PM PST by GreenHornet
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To: Twotone

A couple things I recently learned:

People do not send emails with full sentences anymore. They use a lot of those emojis and use a lot of slang that I do not understand.

People do not google anymore, they consult AI. I think I learned these things right here on this forum.


19 posted on 12/12/2024 5:21:42 PM PST by Doctor Congo
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To: Twotone

“9. You tape little pieces of paper over your computer’s camera so the hackers can’t see you: Smart.”

I’ve taped a piece of aluminum foil over my camera.

It’s a lot more comfortable than the tinfoil hat!


20 posted on 12/12/2024 5:31:02 PM PST by null and void (Regarding the second Trump presidency, everyone who isn’t terrified is thankful!)
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