Are You An Alcoholic? Look For These Warning Signs

Babylon Bee ^ | 11/28/2024 | Babylon Bee

[BipolarBob]

Alcoholism is a dangerous condition affecting millions across the United States each and every year, from the poorest among us to even very powerful government officials. It's important to know when you have a problem so you can seek the help you need. Here are nine signs to look for when determining if you are an alcoholic:

Your sentences often don't make sense. - If you find yourself saying things like "the significance of the passage of time" or "space connects us all," you might want to seek help.

You sometimes wake up in the morning to find you posted embarrassing videos on the internet. - Drunk-posting is a sign your life is out of control.

You wake up from alcohol-induced blackouts with fragmented memories of having run for president. - If you're having vague flashes of Beyonce, Lizzo, and Mark Hamill all endorsing you for president and calling you "brat," you need help.

You make poor decisions like picking Tim Walz as your VP. - Alcoholism can inhibit our decision-making, and this can affect our lives and careers in negative ways.

You find yourself drinking during stressful times such as difficult work days, cabinet meetings, and presidential debates. - Being drunk during big career moments is a sign you are a slave to alcohol.

Your head hurts a lot in the mornings, as though you just fell out of a coconut tree. - If you find yourself saying, "Doug, get the ibuprofen" every morning, take a good, long look in the mirror.

You drink in unsafe situations such as while you're in control of a motor vehicle or while you're in control of an entire country. - Driving a car, or a country, under the influence is illegal and dangerous.

[BipolarBob]

At first I was offended at these words. Targeting me like that. It seemed awfully judgmental. But then i later saw they were really referring to this woman.

[ChicagoConservative27]

I thought the same thing. I’m 20 years sober.

[caver]

Maybe I am, but I didn’t run for President.

[heavy metal]

i’m not an alcoholic... alcoholics go to meetings...

[MtnClimber]

When you say “Joe, what is the red button for” as you press it to demonstrate the question.

[BipolarBob]

You don’t have to run for President to qualify, only either think you did or wonder why you weren’t drafted to the job because of your wit and the fact you came form a middle class family, worked at McDonalds (the memory is a little fuzzy on that one) and really really admire yellow school buses.

[joshua c]

i dont think she’s a drunk

she really is that stupid sober

as hard as it is to believe

[laplata]

“When you say “Joe, what is the red button for” as you press it to demonstrate the question”.

Winner! Lol

[Philsworld]

I probably drink more Mountain Dew than I should. Can’t live without it when I’m at Taco Bell.

[Bullish]

You make poor decisions like picking Tim Walz as your VP.

This one may also be a strong indication of substance abuse issues... Stay away from that pipe.

[RoosterRedux]

She sure looks hungover...

[BipolarBob]

lotsa sugar in Mtn. Dew. Yahoo! Mountain Dew! I remember that when I was a kid.

[Philsworld]

I can live without it, but I don’t want to 😁

[al baby]

Mountain Dew. = Gate way drug

[Flaming Conservative]

When you say “Joe, what is the red button for” as you press it to demonstrate the question.

---

Double trouble; Joe doesn’t know what it’s for, either.

[Responsibility2nd]

 

 

[Responsibility2nd]

Check your Dimensions!

 

[stanne]

Joe doesn’t have the red button.

[bigbob]

When you’re unburdened from sobriety...

[atc23]

Congratulations!! If you ever get to Oklahoma City - shoot me a DM. There’s more meetings here than Carter’s got pills