Posted on 11/08/2024 9:00:03 PM PST by ProtectOurFreedom
If a basketball player gets an athlete’s foot, what does an astronaut get?
Missile toe!
(Excerpt) Read more at cdapress.com ...
LOLOL…guess you had to know about Reich from Rush’s show.
You did a great job, RL! Thanks.
The Obama, Clinton and Monica one got me, too!
This one was posted earlier today…
So I stopped at Barnes & Noble yesterday and asked an employee if they had Trump’s new book on how to deport illegal immigrants.
She immediately told me “get the **** out of here and don’t come back”.
I said “YES that’s the one!”
The last line was..... Do you have it in paperback?
she gives her detractors a twerk?
LOL...like it!
Bill Clinton used to sneak out of the White House at night to go jogging. One night he encountered a prostitute on a street corner. Of course he was interested so he asked her price. “Two hundred” she replied. “Too much, I will only pay twenty dollars” he said. She refused and he went on his way.
The next night the same thing happened. On the third night, Hillary insisted on going with him. Again, the prostitute was there but Bill knew there would be trouble if he acknowledged her, so he just kept jogging. As they passed, the prostitute called out to him...
“See? That’s what you get for twenty dollars!”
What’s the difference between Franklin Graham at prayer
and
Kamela Harris taking a bath?
Franklin has hope in his soul.
I can hear you breathing.
LOL!
There was a king once who was 12 inches tall.
Terrible king, great ruler.
Dwarf shortage.
A (talking) duck waddles into a bar.
Duck: Ya got any duck food?
Bartender: I’m sorry, we don’t.
The next day:
Duck: Ya got any duck food?
Bartender: Like I told you yesterday, we don’t got any duck food! Get out!
The next day:
Duck: Ya got any duck food?
Bartender: NO! and if you come in here again about this, I’ll NAIL your webbed feet to the floor!
The next day:
Duck: Ya got any nails?
Bartender: (puzzled) Uh, no.
Duck: In that case, ya got any duck food?
A (talking) dog with one leg in a sling walks into a saloon in the old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”
(from another GGG topic)
[snip] One of the earliest examples of bar jokes is Sumerian (c. 4500–1900 BC), and it features a dog: “A dog walked into a tavern and said, ‘I can’t see a thing. I’ll open this one’.| [1] The humor of it is probably related to the Sumer way of life and has been lost, but the words remain. [/snip]
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, “I’m sorry, but your duck, Cuddles, has passed away.”
The distressed woman wailed, “Are you sure?”
“Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead,” replied the vet.
“How can you be so sure?” she protested. “I mean you haven’t done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something.”
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador retriever.
As the duck’s owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom.
He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, “I’m sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck.”
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck’s owner, still in shock, took the bill. “150 dollars,” she cried, “150 dollars just to tell me my duck is dead!”
The vet shrugged, “I’m sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab report and the CAT scan, it’s now $150.”
To: daler
This pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his crotch. The bartender looks at him, and asks him why he has a steering wheel attached to his crotch. The pirate responds to the bartender, “Arrrr, it’s drivin’ me nuts”.
7 posted on 10/3/2002, 5:12:24 PM by killjoy
https://freerepublic.com/focus/news/762408/posts?page=7#7
I thought that was pretty good.
Lol!
Lol.
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