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Report: Kamala Already Switching to Box Wine
The Bee ^ | Nov 5, 2024 | The Bee

Posted on 11/06/2024 8:48:02 AM PST by dayglored

U.S. — With the polls closed for over an hour now and the tension escalating, Vice President Kamala Harris decided it was time to go ahead and switch to box wine.

"I don't know about Georgia, but my ol' pal Franzia is going for Kamala," said Harris, tapping the box. "Hoo-boy, how long have the polls been closed, an hour and a half? Let's float this puppy."

According to sources, the Harris campaign has commandeered hundreds of high-dollar wine bottles in preparation for the evening, but Harris has insisted on the three-dollar cabernet. "There is great significance to the passage of wine," explained Harris to supporters. "The thing about wine, is, there is great significance. Because, when you think about wine, there is -- wait, I need a refill. Someone pass the box."

Though campaigns have traditionally stored champagne for victory and the candidate's liquor of choice for defeat, Harris reportedly demanded nothing but box wine, to be served in either a Styrofoam or little clear plastic cup. "Come here, you little Merlot, let's snuggle up and watch the returns," said Kamala. "Whoa, look at Florida, going all pro-life! Some babies are gonna make it out of the womb there. Sad. Someone pull the tab and tap another box!"

At publishing time, the campaign had informed Harris it was only two hours after polls closed and maybe she should switch to sparkling water.


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; boxwine; kamala; satire
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And today she's battling the Hangover From Hell.
1 posted on 11/06/2024 8:48:02 AM PST by dayglored
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To: dayglored

She should’ve picked Josh.

Not Shapiro. Josh Cabernet. 😛


2 posted on 11/06/2024 8:50:28 AM PST by FamiliarFace (I got my own way of livin' But everything gets done With a southern accent Where I come from. TPetty)
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To: dayglored

All thats left for her now is to do porn.


3 posted on 11/06/2024 8:53:00 AM PST by BigFreakinToad (Trump Forever)
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To: FamiliarFace

She needs a bag of pork skins to go with her boxed wine!!!


4 posted on 11/06/2024 8:53:19 AM PST by RatRipper
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To: dayglored

No more free coke delivered to her WH locker, she’ll have to work for it now.


5 posted on 11/06/2024 8:53:27 AM PST by 1Old Pro
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To: dayglored

Reality is starting to hit. Harris has held some form of political office since 2004. Twenty years. That streak is about to end on 1/20/25, and the ironic part is she has to certify the presidential election result.


6 posted on 11/06/2024 8:56:10 AM PST by CatOwner (Don't expect anyone, even conservatives, to have your back when the SHTF in 2021 and beyond.)
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To: dayglored

She has that box on an IV drip.

I was planning on opening up a 30 year old scotch I’ve had for a few years now to celebrate. But I thought... I really don’t want to wake up with a headache and really enjoy the day today without an alcohol fuzz. The sun was out, cold, but sunny, and seeing the meltdowns really made the day all that much better. I’ll save it for inauguration day


7 posted on 11/06/2024 8:56:16 AM PST by Organic Panic (Democrats. Memories as short as Joe Biden's eyes)
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To: BigFreakinToad

And there are probably enough weirdos with weird enough kinks that she could make money on that website that starts with “only” doing it.


8 posted on 11/06/2024 8:58:28 AM PST by NorthMountain (... the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed)
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To: Organic Panic

Last night was Glenfiddich 18. Inauguration Day will be Oban 14.

L


9 posted on 11/06/2024 8:59:53 AM PST by Lurker ( Peaceful coexistence with the Left is not possible. Stop pretending that it is.)
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To: FamiliarFace

She should have swilled down NIGHT TRAIN EXPRESS or THUNDERBIRD. It is more her style.


10 posted on 11/06/2024 9:00:23 AM PST by Ruy Dias de Bivar
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To: NorthMountain

11 posted on 11/06/2024 9:00:26 AM PST by jdt1138 (Where ever you go, there you are.)
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To: BigFreakinToad
> All thats left for her now is to do porn.

Well, she is known to have Madd Skillz in that department.

OTOH, 60-yo women in porn tend to be relegated to the "Kink" sections.

12 posted on 11/06/2024 9:06:27 AM PST by dayglored (This is the day which the LORD hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalms 118:24)
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To: dayglored

She needs to “put her head down and get to work.”


13 posted on 11/06/2024 9:07:12 AM PST by oldplayer
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To: dayglored

Don’t laugh. It saves me a trip to the recycle bin. It’s like Trump supporters-garbage.


14 posted on 11/06/2024 9:08:08 AM PST by DIRTYSECRET
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To: dayglored

15 posted on 11/06/2024 9:21:09 AM PST by New Perspective (As Leonard Cohen said once in an interview, “You won’t like what comes after America”)
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To: dayglored

same for Ann Selzer, but with vodka


16 posted on 11/06/2024 9:27:25 AM PST by bigbob
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To: dayglored

17 posted on 11/06/2024 9:29:11 AM PST by shotgun
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To: dayglored

Doug’s gonna have to start hitting up the maid again for a piece, pretty sure the cackler won’t be heels-up any time soon.


18 posted on 11/06/2024 9:39:32 AM PST by Sgt_Schultze (When your business model depends on slave labor, you're always going to need more slaves.)
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To: jdt1138

rotflol........


19 posted on 11/06/2024 9:40:59 AM PST by Liz
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To: RatRipper

You misspelled “whine”


20 posted on 11/06/2024 9:41:18 AM PST by Fledermaus (I hate yo say I told you so but I told you so! Trump 2024!)
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