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Alabama Pastor Placed On Leave After Giving Sermon Without College Football Analogy
Babylon Bee ^ | Oct 13, 2024

Posted on 10/13/2024 5:25:32 PM PDT by Jemian

TUSCALOOSA, AL — Elders at First Bible Church of Tuscaloosa recently placed the church's head pastor Bob "Jimbo" James on leave after he gave a sermon without incorporating even one single college football analogy.

According to congregants at First Bible, congregants became concerned when Pastor Jimbo began to approach the 30-minute mark of his sermon without having mentioned the comeback over South Carolina, Coach DeBoer, or even saying "Roll Tide."

"Things were getting a bit edgy," said Marty Travis, a member of First Bible Church and Crimson Tide alumnus. "He had such an easy opportunity to say how the inseparable operations of the Triune Godhead are kinda like a football play. You know, where the offensive lineman blocking and the quarterback throwing and wide receiver catching is all one play, but all of them acting together at once. He didn't say anything like that — and he didn't even hype the Tide! Is he even saved?"

According to First Bible Church's Board of Elders, Pastor Jimbo will be on probation until he has successfully shown the church that he can work the Crimson Tide into any sermon, no matter how much of a stretch.

At publishing time, Pastor Jimbo had been reinstated after somehow working in three college football references during a mid-week funeral.


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Religion; Society; Sports
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; closetotrue; satire; thebee
This is true for the entire state.
1 posted on 10/13/2024 5:25:32 PM PDT by Jemian
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To: Jemian
Do you what an atheist is in Alabama?

Someone who doesn’t believe in Bear Bryant.

2 posted on 10/13/2024 5:33:13 PM PDT by volare737 (Diversity is something to be overcome, not celebrated.)
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To: volare737

Bryant is buried in Elmwood Cemetery in Bimringham, AL. It is said locally that UA fans still come by to pay tribute to the Bear and AU fans still come by to make sure he is still there.


3 posted on 10/13/2024 5:43:32 PM PDT by MacNaughton
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To: volare737

Bryant is buried in Elmwood Cemetery in Birmingham, AL, in a family plot. It is said locally that UA fans still drive by to pay tribute, and AU fans still drive by to make sure he is still there.


4 posted on 10/13/2024 5:50:01 PM PDT by MacNaughton
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To: MacNaughton

Roll Tide!


5 posted on 10/13/2024 6:00:05 PM PDT by ohioman
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To: Jemian

I’m glad this was the Bee. It had me concerned for a second.


6 posted on 10/13/2024 6:08:34 PM PDT by KittyKares
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To: Jemian

And the word of the LORD of hosts came, saying: 2 ‘Thus saith the LORD of hosts: I am jealous for Zion with great jealousy, and I am jealous for her with great fury. 3 Thus saith the LORD: I return unto Zion, and will dwell in the midst of Jerusalem; and Jerusalem shall be called the city of truth; and the mountain of the LORD of hosts the holy mountain. {S} 4 Thus saith the LORD of hosts: There shall yet old men and old women sit in the broad places of Jerusalem, every man with his staff in his hand for very age.

*******5 And the broad places of the city shall be full of boys and girls playing in the broad places thereof. *****

{S} 6 Thus saith the LORD of hosts: If it be marvellous in the eyes of the remnant of this people in those days, should it also be marvellous in Mine eyes? saith the LORD of hosts. {P} 7 Thus saith the LORD of hosts: Behold, I will save My people from the east country, and from the west country; 8 And I will bring them, and they shall dwell in the midst of Jerusalem; and they shall be My people, and I will be their God, in truth and in righteousness. X

Zacharaih 8


7 posted on 10/13/2024 6:09:07 PM PDT by faithhopecharity ("Politicians aren't born, they're excreted." Marcus Tullius Cicero (106 to 43 BCE))
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To: Jemian

Of course, there’s also old Paul

” When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.””

1 Corinthians 13

but ... well, that’s not my problem. I still like to play

smiles smiles smiles


8 posted on 10/13/2024 6:10:38 PM PDT by faithhopecharity ("Politicians aren't born, they're excreted." Marcus Tullius Cicero (106 to 43 BCE))
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To: Jemian

LOL! I’m a Tide fan and I think this is hilarious!


9 posted on 10/13/2024 6:12:32 PM PDT by 6ppc (During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act -George Orwell)
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To: Jemian
Jimbo can quickly get back into the Elders' good graces by selecting the beautiful hymn Grace Greater than Our Sin (1911) to be sung at his worship services. Here is the third verse:
Dark is the stain that we can­not hide.
What can avail to wash it away?
Look! There is flow­ing a crim­son tide,
Brighter than snow you may be to­day.
Although I seriously doubt that the hymn's creators Julia Johnston, a Peoria, Ill. Presbyterian Sunday school teacher and Daniel Towner, the great Methodist hymnodist from Rome, Pa. (near Binghamton, NY) were University of Alabama football fans, I wouldn't be surprised if the hymn is often sung in Alabama churches.
10 posted on 10/13/2024 6:17:29 PM PDT by Fiji Hill
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To: ohioman
The disciples asked when will the end times come.

He said there shall be wars and rumors of wars. And the Democrats who cheered for Russia against Reagan will hate Russia. And life long Bama fans will support the Auburn coach for senator.

They asked, Master, how can that be?

He said, simple — Russia will quit being communist.

11 posted on 10/13/2024 6:28:32 PM PDT by Tell It Right (1 Thessalonians 5:21 -- Put everything to the test, hold fast to that which is true.)
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To: MacNaughton

Funny...lol


12 posted on 10/13/2024 6:49:55 PM PDT by volare737 (Diversity is something to be overcome, not celebrated.)
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To: Tell It Right

And when Bama loses to Vandy.


13 posted on 10/13/2024 6:51:40 PM PDT by dfwgator (Endut! Hoch Hech!)
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To: volare737

You’re not too wrong — for half of the state. I’m a missionary and I am definitely NOT of the Bryant cult. War Eagle!


14 posted on 10/13/2024 7:49:09 PM PDT by Jemian (There is tough. And then, there is TRUMP TOUGH!)
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To: Fiji Hill
Yeah, I have trouble with that verse. But, I can easily sing "Onward Christian Soldiers".

Onward Christian Soldiers, marching as to War [Eagle!]
With the cross of Jesus going on before! ...

15 posted on 10/13/2024 7:53:56 PM PDT by Jemian (There is tough. And then, there is TRUMP TOUGH!)
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To: Jemian

16 posted on 10/13/2024 7:58:48 PM PDT by MuttTheHoople ( "Never thot I'd live to see the day when the right wing would become the cool ones"-Johnny Rotten)
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To: Jemian

Written by Sir Arthur Sullivan, best known for the Gilbert & Sullivan team of opera composers.


17 posted on 10/13/2024 8:29:42 PM PDT by Publius
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To: Jemian

LOL!


18 posted on 10/14/2024 3:46:31 AM PDT by FlingWingFlyer (I've never heard an illegal alien tell a reporter that they came here for U.S. citizenship. No once.)
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To: Jemian

Good one!


19 posted on 10/14/2024 7:39:33 AM PDT by aquila48 (Do not let them make you "care" ! Guilting you is how they control you. )
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