Posted on 10/02/2024 6:49:49 PM PDT by Az Joe
After seeing Carter being wheeled outside yesterday on his 100th birthday I, being 70, couldn't help feeling some sympathy for him and some fear of being in the same situation somedays. He looked oblivious to his surroundings and maybe pretty miserable.
I watched my sister deteriorate and die last May from complication's associated with Parkinson's disease over several years, especially in her last few months. She was very miserable and helpless to do almost anything for herself.
If she had wanted to kill herself and end her early misery, she would have been helpless to do it on her own. In the end, she went into hospice care and lasted almost exactly 2 weeks before she died. The hospice worker said when she was being admitted that she probably had about 2 weeks, (I guess they have seen it many times).
My faith requires that I would be expected to endure my medical condition, whatever it was, until my natural end. Of course, this may impact my loved ones greatly, who would be caring for me at least in some ways until the end.
I don't like the idea of all the suffering that might entail for me but also the burden I would be on especially my only child, and other loved ones who are currently dying off themselves slowly.
Any thoughts Freepers?
I’m in my 70th year, as is the wife. I never want to be a burden on anyone in my immediate family. On the other hand being a burden on some folks I’d enjoy.
All the paperwork is in place and if the wife or I die anywhere in the world the kids can make one phone call, we’re brought home and taken care of right up to interment in a veteran cemetery.
I’ve said Alzheimer’s or dementia might be fun cause I’d wake up with a new woman in bed every day obviously jokingly since it’s a hell of a disease. I want no one ever to be burdened with taking care of me. If I can’t take care of myself then I’m done.
Good for you.
My dear friend hiked strenuously 5-10 miles every week. Played pickleball and walked every day. She had told people that when she went she wanted to go while asleep in bed, and she did exactly that on 9/11.
I guess being careful about exercise and diet is OK, but from friends and family I know, it doesn’t seem that it’s THAT important. Those who have been hyper focused and sanctimonious about that actually seem to have died earlier than others who have just lived their lives.
{Definite “no” to smoking and excess alcohol, though!)
“Family tries to hang on as long as they can for themselves.”
My friend who died from breast cancer had been through it and licked it in her 30s. Mastectomy, chemo, radiation, meds. It returned in her 70s and she just wanted to continue as long as possible without enduring the “cure” again. Her grandchildren begged her to take all measures possible, so she did. Toward the end, she told me she regretted that decision.
Thank you both for your compassion. Thank you for the thread Joe. I didn’t mean to make it about me. It is a good topic to think about and in my case it happens to be timely. Folks say and assume all kinds of things about what they have planned etc. But the reality is until it is in your face you really don’t know how you are going to deal with it. There are so many different variables due to the individual circumstances. Every passing is custom and has to be dealt with on the fly hour by hour as it progresses. And once you stop eating and drinking that is it, The caregiver needs to call everyone because you are down to the last few days. All they can do is make you more comfortable as it happens. And many times you are not even there mentally or conscious.
But I can tell you right now, fearing it will be pure torture for yourself and your caregivers. You must make peace with the reality for your own sake and the sake of your caregivers. It is all for nothing, it is not going to prevent it from happening and one has to accept this reality for what it is. My Father feared it and tortured himself and screamed out until the very end. It greatly extended his own mental anguish and ours. My wife was different, at first she feared it then when she realized there was no way left to stop it she accepted it because she knew she had already been living on borrowed time for a couple years already. So the last week went fairly calm and quick for her and us both. She was in extreme pain so it was a blessing at that point. She just wanted the pain to stop, and so did we for her sake.
But both did pass with the whole clan and all the Grandkids present, they were blessed and not alone in a strange rest home and the situation helped all of us just as much because we were all there to support each other. I am hoping everyone here has the fortune to have this loving environment when it is time. One could not ask for a more blessed situation to say the goodbyes. :)
I’m 57. This is not pleasant stuff to face. Hopefully, my running will keep me from the worst of it.
My grandfather (RIP) would tell me what I call old people horror stories, about how age ravishes us all. He told me about one man who was fit and strong at age 91 — wouldn’t we all like to be that way — and then one day, while leaving a restaurant, his legs collapsed out from under him. He never walked again.
Grandpa told me about another guy he knew, who was joyful and happy, until he lost the ability to go around unassisted. He was in that wheelchair, and he was grumpy and cussing at people and so on. It was not good.
“one of the sweetest women I’ve ever met. How can she be so scared?”
Many sweet people aren’t saved, so they don’t have the promise of eternal life in Heaven. Being good and sweet isn’t the answer.
About age 96, Mom started complaining, “I think God has forgotten me.” Her younger siblings had passed on over the years and she was the last man standing. She mentioned it a few more times before she died four months short of 100.
At least she wasn’t in bad pain — just had normal aches and pains like arthritis. And her mind was sharp until the last week when she was talking to her closest sister (”You can’t come down here; I have to go there”, and similar.) She had my brother’s wife re-arranging furniture so all of her visitors had places to sit. (She never had more than three or four actual visitors at a time.)
And maybe her mind still was sharp. Maybe she WAS talking to her sister. Maybe there WERE “visitors” that only she could see — “encompassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses” (angels?).
I know, right? I just turned 71 on Tuesday and wish I’d been warned by the senior citizens I knew yrs ago about how fast the body starts to deteriorate after 65 or so. I also can’t lose weight as easily as I used to which is extremely aggravating.
I feel for you both and admire your strength and commitment. Been there. But don’t forget to take care of yourself too, it is easy to forget. And don’t feel guilty if you have someone spell you once in awhile so you can have a couple hours off now and then. It greatly helped me keep my own sanity so I could could continue to be devoted.
This year I’ve lost my sister (63), my uncle (67), and my father-in-law (81).
My father-in-law was an ass. Cheated on his wives. Drank. Smoked. Died of a heart attack.
My uncle ignored his diabetes. Was regularly having parts amputated. Smoked like a chimney. We found out after his death that he was dealing in prescription drugs. Died of complications of diabetes.
My sister hid that she was ill. She was a lifelong smoker and had partied hard when she was younger. She hid that she had lost her job. She hid that she had two outstanding warrants. She stopped paying her bills two months before she died. We texted regularly, but for the last 6 months of her life we rarely saw her in person. She died of a heart attack while puking into the toilet. We didn’t find her until two weeks after.
I never smoked. Rarely drink. Exercise regularly. Still had a stroke last November that messed up my vision.
This getting old crap sucks.
“This getting old crap sucks.”
I agree. 76 later this month. Aches and pains, and Eliquis.
Sometimes I wonder how air tight the garage is.
“I would imagine it took courage to do that...seeing how he probably didn’t want to die...but saw a closing window where he could prevent himself from being a burden on his family.”
I am now with that realization myself. At a certain point one must set priorities. And being selfish is no longer a priority.
The directive to physicians, or “living will”, is designed to require only comfort care upon diagnosis of a terminal or irreversible condition, where the patient can’t make the decision for him/herself. I’ve prepared close to 1000 of them for my clients. This makes it harder to “keep people alive” past their expiration dates.
“They know. The Hospice lady with my mother called in the family who was outdoors doing chores. She said Mom had about a half hour, and now would be the time to come in and say goodbyes. They did. It was almost exactly a half hour.”
Yes they do. They have been through it hundreds of times and know. The tell tale sign is when they start taking “guppy breaths” and the breaths start to slow and get farther apart. Neck, knee and elbow joints get stiff, skin becomes mottled and blue on the feet and hands, face turns white, and they are already losing body temperature and getting cold. There really is a standard industry check list.
Sounds a bit morbid, but that is reality. But there are indeed common indicators that can give them a fairly accurate timeline.
And it is wrong to assume it doesn’t bother them too, strong emotions can distort reality. Three of my kids work in the industry for a living as rest home nurses and hospice. They do indeed make friends with these residents and come to love them. But even though it does hurt them for a few days they still have a job to do and have to do it professionally as best they can under the circumstances. My kids still have some residents they will never forget.
My father in law died in 2022 (dementia). We had home hospice for almost a year. The nurse and I grew very close and we still call and text each other several times a year
Thanks for sharing about your sister. None of us are perfect. But those who have accepted Jesus as their savior can look forward to a perfect future upon death.
When people sacrifice their enjoyment of life to possibly get another year by doing such things as extensive therapies for fatal illnesses, I always take note that they are getting to do 89 again. They are not getting to do 40 again or 17. And, 89 can be pretty desolate and certainly not worth having 6 months of Chemo to do it twice.
Thank you for believing in yourself. The biggest adjustment that I had to make (and I think that anyone getting older), is that at some point, you have to give up your old life, and embrace your new life. If you were an athlete, then you will not be able to do what you did when you were younger. Take stock of what you have. Listen to God’s voice and ask him continuously to give you a new mission. You might have to learn to hear His voice. For instance, if you are confined to a wheelchair, then you can still have the mission of trying to encourage other wheelchair-bound folks. Or, you can decide to read to younger folks at the library. It doesn’t matter what it is if you learn to put your hands in God, and understand that the little things that you can do might be the greatest thing that you have ever done. The biggest thing is NEVER GIVE UP. You are still here for a reason, even if you are in pain or cannot fathom why God has done this to you. You always have value. That is why I ask, nearly everyday, that God give me a mission and the strength to do it, or I am ready to go with Him. Like the old Beluchi movie, “I am on a mission from God”. And I will succeed, even if the mission is to go to the World to Come. So many folks on this forum have resigned themselves to wait until Jesus raptures them out of this miserable world. Don’t wait for Him, get busy and figure out your mission in this world, while you still can..and get busy!
A bit caustic, Az Joe, with some projection thrown in for good measure.
The process of dying may be difficult, but for those who know Jesus as their savior there is contentment and joy in death, as we will live forever, joyously, in the presence of God.
And since you have gone personal with me, how about you, Az Joe? Have you accepted Jesus as your personal savior?
“I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.” Jesus in John 14:3.
I encourage you to accept Jesus as your savior. He always says Yes and He never takes it back. His love for you is amazing! He knew you before you were born! But, ever the gentleman, Jesus will not come into your life until you invite Him to do so.
This is your day, Az Joe. Your day to be born again! Are you ready and willing to ask Jesus to be your savior? Right now?
It’s simple. Use your own words. Or, use these: Dear God, I confess that I have sinned and done wrong. I ask for Your forgiveness. I believe that Your Son, Jesus Christ, took the punishment I deserve by dying on the cross for me, and I thank you. I also believe that You raised Jesus from the dead, and that He lives with You now in heaven. I now receive Jesus as my Lord and Savior. Amen.
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