Posted on 05/30/2024 8:53:07 AM PDT by Red Badger
The taxicab theory is not new to the realm of relationship theories, but it is one that has resurfaced in popularity. Since one of my favorite things to do is break down theories that pop off and circulate on TikTok, this one caught my attention recently. These theories often look ridiculous because they’ve been given silly names, but there is usually some truth to them — which is why they’re worth examining.
The taxicab theory attempts to answer questions like: How do men choose who they want to marry? When do men make that decision? What can women do?
The theory originated years ago on HBO’s “Sex and the City,” and it’s now made its way to TikTok. The idea is that a taxicab on the road is comparable to a man in the dating pool: If the taxicab light is off, the driver is not looking to pick up any riders, but once the taxi turns its light on, the driver will pick up the first person they see. Similarly, if a man is not ready to date, he will not commit; but once he’s ready to settle down, he will commit to the first woman who comes across his path. This TikToker gives a succinct explanation of the theory:
@tracy_sokat Replying to @haleyyloftuss 🚕 🩷 #taxicabtheory #dating #datingadvice
♬ original sound – Tracy Sokat
Her final words of advice — “Put your damn arm down and stop trying to hail a cab and stop trying to hail a cab that has its light off” — are good ones. Basically, this theory says that no matter how hard you try to convince or how much you beg a man to see that you would be a good wife, a man who is not ready to settle down, won’t settle down. The taxi’s light is off. He is not looking to pick up a passenger. He is on his way elsewhere. He’s clocked out for lunch.
If, however, the taxi driver does pick you up when the light is off, you run the risk of being given a “shut up ring” later on down the road. But when the light on the taxi turns on, the theory says the man will marry the next woman who crosses his path. The theory as a whole is interesting, and there is some truth to it. One person on X tweeted about a guy her friend married who she met on Hinge, and someone else quote tweeted it to be an excellent example of the taxicab theory:
Screenshot: X
Of course, this has caused absolute mayhem on the internet. Women have started freaking out, wondering if their husband even loves them, asking themselves, “Was I the ideal woman or just the available one?” Another person on X said it shouldn’t take a man half a decade or more to figure out if the girl he’s dating is the one he wants to marry, to which someone else quote tweeted their response to the taxicab theory:
Screenshot: X
Screenshot: X
No sanity should be lost over this. Part of the problem with this theory is the people who want to use it to point fingers at men and make them out to be misogynists who just toy with women. And I don’t think that is the case. Ultimately, it is both parties’ responsibility not to waste each other’s time and respect what the other person wants out of the relationship. So, a man who is not ready for marriage should not hang onto a girl who desperately wants to get married. That is cruel. And it shouldn’t take five to six years to decide if you’re dating the girl you want to end up with.
The underlying message to the taxicab theory is that timing is paramount, but generally, I think this breakdown is a bit too simple. This theory says that once a man decides the time is right, he’ll just pick up the next girl that comes across his path. But there is more to it than that.
A couple guys replied on TikTok making this point:
Screenshot: X
Screenshot: X
These are important perspectives to mention. I think that when a man is ready for marriage, he will be even more careful with who he chooses to date. He will be pickier because he will seek out women who he believes he can build a life with, which will hopefully make the process easier and faster. Without these perspectives, the taxicab theory just seems a little too simple and doesn’t give guys enough credit.
But for men, successful relationships aren’t solely based on timing. There are cases when love changes everything,
where a man meets a woman and instantly wakes up and knows he’s ready. He becomes willing to make the relationship happen because of the woman. One guy on X commented saying that men will be with who they truly want to be with. (This is the whole “if he wanted to, he would” thing.)
Screenshot: X
That said, there is a different timing component to this theory. Men do not have the same urgency that women intrinsically feel because women are on a biological time clock. Even if a woman has just the faintest inkling of a desire to have children, she should be intentional about working toward marriage. As women, we have a small window of time in our lives when that is possible, whereas men are designed to sow seeds their entire life if they want to. Because of this, a man may not want to settle down at the same time the woman they are dating does. But the pressure is more intense for women, both biological pressure and just the pressure we put on ourselves.
If you are dating a man who is not ready to propose, you are dating a man who is not ready to be married. Maybe he loves you. Maybe he doesn’t love you enough. Maybe he doesn’t think you’re the one. Who knows. Whatever the reason, the fact of the matter is that he’s just not ready. But it will not matter how much you try to convince him or force his hand, and he may still not be ready five or six years down the road. That will only lead to resentment.
This is empowering information that can equip you in your dating life. As a woman, if marriage is something you want, this is when you cut loose and leave because there will be another taxicab who could have his light on. Or maybe the same taxi will come back around when he is ready, when he realizes what he’s lost, and he will have his light on. But there are other opportunities, you shouldn’t waste precious years with someone who is not in a taxi that is ready to pick you up while you let other perfectly wonderful taxis pass you by.
The takeaway here is that there is not one perfect theory or formula for relationships or dating. The best step to take is to focus on mutual respect for each other and alignment on your values and timeline. That requires hard conversations and self-awareness. But when you are dating, you need to figure out if your significant other is on the same page and if their taxi light is even on. You also need to make sure they are reciprocating the time, energy, and love that you are putting into the relationship as well.
We are often blinded by infatuation and fear; instead, be confident and brave. Date with intention because it will save you time and heartache in the end.
lights off when the slightest sign of feminism is detected ...
“lights off when the slightest sign of feminism is detected ...”
You are a truly wise man.
Utter BS.
Not completely.
Maybe it should say:
“... he will commit to the first woman who notices that he’s alive..............
Brett Cooper’s ‘Comment Section’ show is great. Like most of the folks at LiveWire she is sharp, articulate, and very conservative. Since there is over 40 years age difference between her and I, I frequently have had to research some of the terminology she uses like ‘based’, ‘touch grass’, ‘rizz’, etc.
Not every show she does is for everyone but many are.
Good stuff.
All it says is that a man won’t get married until he wants to. And when he wants to, he will, if someone acceptable is available and willing. Shocking. Who would have guessed.
This is incredibly simplistic. The time has to be right and the circumstances have to be favorable or at the least can be overcome.
A lot of people really need to touch grass.
I’m a girl but this has been my observation
Women used to be much more practical about whom they marry that what they are now. They can clutch pearls over this theory all they want but they would be wise to be more practical
Men get married when they’re ready. So what?
Women used to get married to providers- who were ready for marriage. It’s for life. What’s so shocking about practicality
I run into women at my job all day whom we’ve had baby shower
Rs for. They come back six weeks later head down as they more around. They want to be with their kids. The kids want their mommies.
Why rush to get married for that crap?
Yes...because we men, we're all brainless animals who cannot differentiate a good woman from a...well...everything else.
Ugh! Atook ZugZug Lana!...ooh ooh..
And a corollary to the theory is that the woman must be The One for him. The Only One, the Ultimate Woman, the One True Love for that man.
The Taxi Cab theory undermines the Soul Mate theory. The man isn't looking for his Soul Mate. Any acceptable woman who's decent "wife material" will do.
Kinda makes the woman feel less special.
Used to be a man would not be allowed to marry another man’s daughter until he had a good living and was able to support a family.
Now, it’s like as soon as they graduate HS it’s marrying time!...............Not a good idea............
I guess some men might choose the first woman they find after they decide it’s time to marry, but I think most men would be more discerning than that.
A century or more ago, "a good living" might have been the the standard for the upper classes. But for the working classes, it meant being able to provide a subsistence level. And most people got married by their early twenties, give or take.
Now, it’s like as soon as they graduate HS it’s marrying time!
Well, no. Now, many people don't seem "ready to marry" until they are well into their 30s.
Taxi never gets old.
Yeah, a man’s standards likes and dislikes will go right out the window when he wakes up one day in the mood to marry. By the time a guy reaches the marriage stage he knows what he likes and he knows what’s out there.
LOL!!! said the female... “but once he’s ready to settle down, he will commit to the first woman who comes across his path. “
nope
“”””Now, it’s like as soon as they graduate HS it’s marrying time!...............Not a good idea............””””
Huh??? Those 1970 days are generations gone.
Look at this graph of marriage ages.
https%3A%2F%2Fpreview.redd.it%2Fs0fo2aaqgek51.jpg%3Fauto%3Dwebp%26s%3D61de255e92689a9f12b1ca4649c37b2a35779cf0
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