Posted on 02/24/2024 12:32:34 PM PST by nickcarraway
When Lemon8 user Caipngwfish got together with Elton Quek, some of her friends weren't exactly supportive of the relationship.
"Are you sure you want to date him?"
This was a common question she'd get from them. The general perception was that she was dating down, which she defined as dating someone who earns less than her.
In a recent Lemon8 post, she shared her personal experience of what it is like to date downwards.
"In this day and age, it generally means lesser earning power or less educated," Caipngwfish pointed out, adding that at one point, her monthly salary was almost double that of her partner's.
Anticipating some potential pitchforks, she immediately provided a caveat that dissing her boyfriend was not the intention of her post.
Choosing cheaper dating spots Using earning power and educational level as parameters, Caipngwfish noted that it is a fact she dated downwards.
While their relationship might have ruffled some feathers, she told AsiaOne that "dating down never affected them".
Given that the relationship went against the "marrying-a-graduate mindset" some families may have for their daughters, Caipngwfish added that there were some initial disagreements with her mum.
But eventually, the relationship gained her approval.
In the Lemon8post, she went on to explain that Elton was upfront and honest about his income at the start of their relationship. She told AsiaOne that she wanted to keep the details of their occupations private.
At that point in time, Caipngwfish was raking in almost twice his salary so she chose to lie to him about hers.
"I didn't want him to feel emasculated," she explained.
Early on, the couple would often head to cai fan stalls for dates and occasionally, they'd treat themselves to a meal at Genki Sushi.
Caipngwfish mentioned that she was not too bothered about this.
Even when they dined at fancier food establishments, Elton would offer to foot the bill.
"Getting the bill made him more motivated to do better in life because he needs to keep up with the 'new standard of living'," she explained.
Double his earning power So Elton knuckled down and doubled his earning power within a year, in order to "reach the same standing" as his partner.
Caipngwfish said she very much values how humble and down-to-earth Elton is, even now when he is able to "provide for her".
While she does not deny that money is important, there are also other factors one should look out for when looking to find a partner.
"Find someone who loves you, someone who is dedicated, persistent and funny," she advised.
Mindset, character and attitude are some of the traits Caipngwfish values in a partner, but his need to "want to be a provider" ranks top as a requirement.
Despite the differences in spending power when they first got together, it did not seem to hinder their relationship.
"I have honestly never been happier," Caipngwfish said.
She’s no longer “dating down” since he now earns the same as her. And, who knows, may continue on that same upward trend.
Women generally will not do this. This isn’t an Asian thing. This is a female thing. Its as true in the US as in an Asian country. This has been the case for years as more women than men graduate from college now.
https://nypost.com/2019/09/25/women-are-struggling-to-find-men-who-make-as-much-money-as-they-do/
Men generally don’t care how much a girl makes. The boss marrying a secretary is practically a trope but it has a basis in truth and there are many real world examples to back it up. What men generally won’t do is marry women older than their early 30s at the very oldest and many won’t accept a woman older than her 20s.
She and her friends can call it “dating downwards” all they want but the truth is that anyone dating shallow people like her or her friends are dating down.
Yes. It’s interesting, women may have children with a man who makes less, but are far less likely to marry them.
I guess the old reasons for dating such as love, etc. are now passe. Do you now have your net worth tattooed on your forehead?
“Even when they dined at fancier food establishments, Elton would offer to foot the bill.
“Getting the bill made him more motivated to do better in life because he needs to keep up with the ‘new standard of living’,” she explained.
Double his earning power So Elton knuckled down and doubled his earning power within a year, in order to “reach the same standing” as his partner.”
Oh, sounds like a nice low pressure relationship.
“Find someone who loves you, someone who is dedicated, persistent and funny,” she advised.
AND treat them the same way as you want them to treat you. If you are his queen, he is your king.
Seems too many relationships are one way or at least nothing approaching 50-50.
It’s not necessarily her pressure. Marriage has always been a motivator for men. There was even a study that the ore children a man had, the more he would make.
Yes i’ve noticed in these stories, love or even affection never comes up. The legacy of an age where people have learned to relate through electrons instead of human warmth.
She did a good job, as a wife. She gave him the support to do better and he, like a good man, responded by doing better.
I never made more than about 1/3 of what my wife did. However were both well paid
Being married to an Asian there’s a saying:
American women look at a man’s buns
European women look at a man’s package
Asian women look at a man’s wallet.
maybe an ever-changing markee on the forehead with constant updates of earning power would be in order for today’s society. knowledge Is power and knowing how much a potential mate makes is important. shallow but important.
if Elton doubles his earning power in a year just think of the upgrades in girlfriends he can accomplish in five years.
A lot of women, especially younger women, had better start getting use to the idea of “dating down” because with the percentage of college graduates at 60% female and tipping upwards, statistically, a lot of women will simply not be able to find men who are their equal education wise and possibly income wise.
We've always known and more or less accepted that homely guys with a big paycheck were considered irresistible by women, but having women getting good-paying jobs has a different effect on dating - now, supposedly good husband material has to match or exceed the wife's pay or get lost.
I've always known that American women are mercenary, but this change in status is mind-blowing and will work effectively with abortion and the Pill to eliminate children from the allegedly productive.
Rocket Man
It doesn’t say what kind of job this woman has, she is probably college educated. With that said, a lot of hard working men have high skilled construction jobs that pay very well. They might not have a four year degree, but they get paid more than those with a degree.
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