Posted on 12/23/2023 10:40:20 AM PST by BipolarBob
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a savvy financial move, internet sex-trafficking giant Pornhub has acquired the television network C-Span after realizing the Federal government was staffed by a bunch of totally depraved and sexually perverted weirdos.
"This makes all the sense in the world," said company CEO Feras Antoon. "These senators, representatives, and staffers on Capitol Hill are exactly who we look for in, uh, talent. Without exaggeration, Washington is chock-full of narcissistic, sociopathic degenerates who would do anything in front of a camera to get attention."
Mr. Antoon went on to explain how the decision to acquire C-Span was made after graphically seeing what goes on in U.S. Senate hearing chambers.
"I can make a dollar off of that is what I said to myself," said Antoon. "Just turn on the cameras and let the viewers and ad revenue roll in!"
C-Span, or Cable-Satellite Public Affairs Network, was originally launched in 1979 as a non-profit public service that broadcasted the mundane proceedings of the Federal government. The network historically has not been a money-maker, after deciding to have no advertisements and not using any of its air time to solicit any kind of donations. They never once considered broadcasting all the debauched sex acts that were going on behind closed doors inside Federal government buildings.
"What a stupid business model," said Antoon. "If the federal government was smart like me, they could wipe out the national debt if they monetized this content themselves."
At publishing time, Pornhub had made yet another move, announcing the acquisition of the entire Federal Government.
Just start filming in the Senate hearing room.
The Bee does it again.
ALMOST got me 😏
What the f...
Oh.
If we could get the politicians to have a weekly duel ratings would explode!
(The Democrats don’t need to fire the weapon—they could call it nasty names instead...lol.)
Hilarious!
That is funny! The BEE !
They are sort of similar businesses, both show people screw other people, the politicians screwing the public and pornhub
where everyone is screwing each other.
When I saw the headline in my Bee email, I read “CNN” instead of “C-SPAN”. It’s funny either way.
I think I did too.
Closer to reality than is comfortable....
I *knew* this is where they were going w/ this.
Rebranded as OnlySpan?
They may get their point across.
wy69
“If the federal government was smart like me, they could wipe out the national debt if they monetized this content themselves.”
true
LOL! It would be appropriate.
May as well market libtard government perversions and rip off other perverts
Pornhub had made yet another move, announcing the acquisition of the entire Federal Government.
We are getting the Royal F*****g, so Pornhub should make money!! 🤓
Reality and satire overlap these days.
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