Posted on 11/18/2023 11:25:20 AM PST by Twotone
TORONTO — In what is sure to become a beloved, time-honored holiday tradition, a local toy company has introduced its new "Jordan Peterson on the Shelf" doll that will sit and watch you to make sure you keep your room clean like a decent, mature adult.
"I can feel his eyes on me whenever I'm in my bedroom," said Adam Copeland, who placed the Jordan Peterson on the Shelf in his room last week. "I used to have a hard time staying motivated to clean my room and take responsibility, but the shame I felt knowing Dr. Peterson was right there staring at me really led me to get my priorities right."
The manufacturer hopes this new doll will take off and become even more popular than the traditional "Elf on the Shelf" dolls. "Those elf dolls are just for kids to help them behave," said marketing executive Jay Reso. "With our new Jordan Peterson doll, people of all ages can benefit from the life-changing guilt trips they will receive from the doll's wise but judgmental glares."
Despite the product only being recently introduced, early results appear to be promising. "Yeah, it has made my life so much better," Copeland said. "Since I put the Jordan Peterson on a Shelf doll in my room, I've gotten a job, enrolled for college classes, proposed to my girlfriend, and started taking guitar lessons. I finally feel like I'm on a path toward being a real man."
At publishing time, the company had also courted liberal consumers with a "Feminist On The Shelf" doll that plays pre-recorded messages blaming your messy room on the patriarchy.
Babylon Bee - owned and operated by liberals. Yes, they are. Just saying!
Maybe so, but they sure make fun of libs a lot.
I love JBP and I’ll bet he’d laugh at this.
On an even more serious note, Peterson has helped more people suffering from depression than any other shrink I know of.
His solution to depression? Start by cleaning your room. Just pick up one thing today (if that's all you can manage) and 2 things tomorrow...and keep increasing the number. Soon you will notice that you feel better about things. You will build a positive habit and get a real sense of accomplishment from the smallest things.
That's the kind of solution that not only works but is practical enough that anyone can do it.
Owned and operated by conservative Christians.
If it were owned by liberals, it wouldn't make such fun of them.
Ah the Bee got me again. I thought this was a real thing and was excited to buy one
Students protest Peterson's allegations of "political correctness."
Agree. A bank account starts with a dollar.
What is that…thing standing there?
A student.
Not funny. I have illegal alien flue and had to think too hard on this one
Oh. A “Student”. Looks like a combination of many ethnicities and genders.
True.....strange looking.
While it's laughable, I do too. And for what it's worth, I learned how when I was in basic training and never forgot.....LOL!
I will need a dozen please.
Make it a bakers dozen. I need one for the back room of shop. Perhaps I can get certain employees to break down the shipping boxes rather then tossing them in the corner when empty.
Perhaps you are confusing them with the Onion?
I was hoping for a sexy girl on the shelf instead.
One that will move around during the night!!
fair and balanced
Hes a good shrink because hes not a liberal (plus hes also not seeing a shrink while seeing his own patients - ie hes stable).
But hes also tradcon and that isn’t great. Not for men anyways.
Oh no. Not another label to keep track of. Can't we just divide the world up into normal people and weirdos?
But I will bite. What is a "tradcon" and why is that not great for men?
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