Posted on 10/28/2023 3:09:13 AM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks
SAINT LOUIS, MO — In an effort to repair the damage done to its image that resulted in it being relegated to "gay beer," beverage titan Bud Light has entered into a partnership with a sports organization where sweaty men in underwear hug and wrestle each other for extended periods of time.
"This will totally fix things," said Bud Light marketing executive John Tenta. "We want to regain the market share we had when we were known as the go-to beverage for rugged, masculine consumers. That's why we're slapping our name and logo on a sport where men wear tiny shorts and roll around on the ground with each other and get in positions like 'full mount.'"
The brand had spent years as the unquestioned top beer in the country before suffering a devastating fall in the wake of using trans TikTok personality Dylan Mulvaney as a spokesman. The beer company now hopes this new sponsorship deal will turn things around. "Partnering with Dylan Mulvaney was clearly a mistake," Tenta said. "Now, to rebuild our image, we're going to really lean in and grab hold of guys. These sweaty, tensed-up guys wearing very little clothing and rubbing up against each other in various positions are the perfect ambassadors for our beer."
When reached for comment, one UFC fan had this to say: "So gay."
At publishing time, representatives for the Ultimate Fighting Championship refused to comment on rumors that the company had agreed to hire Dylan Mulvaney as the new bikini-clad "ring girl" for its fights.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
Excellent work by the Bee as usual. I don’t know what Dana White was thinking, but he’s really stepped in it here. He sounded incredibly touchy and sensitive when asked about this the other day. Only thing I can figure is he was blinded by the dollar signs and thought the Bud Light stigma would blow over. He’s about to find out how wrong that assumption was.
Bud Light is now forever the “gay beer”. There is no way to take away the tarnish short of totally abandoning the brand altogether.
Other ring girl eligibles: Adam Schiff, Chris Christie, Gavin Newsom, Jerry Nadler, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Robert De Niro.
No no no no no..... Ya got to go back to basics to Garner attention!! Black guy, white girl!! The better looking the better!!! THAT is what satisfies the masses!! 40 years has proved this!!
Because everything the company has done thus far has been disingenuous pandering nothing they do going forward will be perceived as anything except disingenuous pandering.
Title is one of the best I’ve seen.
But, seriously: I don't have any recent stats to enter as evidence, but in my day, wrestling (at the high school and college level) was a very manly sport. I also suspect that it is one of the safest contact sports (my brothers who played football were constantly breaking their collar bones, or getting concussions).
Regards,
I’d always heard it as “two big guys in panties fighting over a belt and purse”
hmmm...sweaty men rolling around in underwear for 25 minutes? sounds like a new sport is born...”The Loafer Lite Warrior Games”! may even have Olympics potential. IF anyone watches.
Old proctologist’s cartoon punchline:
No, dammit. I asked for a butt light!
Maybe Bud Lite can be a sponsor of that organization?
Trans Beer.
Don’t look now, but “trans women” are gay dudes with bolt on boobs.
LOL
Once again the Babylon Bee throws an old school wrestler name into a satirical article!
John Tenta was better known as Earthquake
I honestly thought that it was Sumo Wrestling- not UFC.
just say ‘nope’
But I think that Dana has stepped into a fire pit and his first reaction is not good...calling your fans stupid, dumb f&c(ers is no way to win them over.
I read another post that said the tried and true method was a black guy with a white gal would do the trick, and I'd say as bad as that 30 year old method is, it has a better shot than swearing at your customers.
It has been my experience that cursing at people, rarely wins them to your side of the table:)
Rule #1 of Fight Club: We don't talk about Fight Club.
Rule #1 of UFC: We don't talk about the bulges in the ring girls' pants.
From a marketing standpoint, there's no problem positioning one of many like products as a queer beer. Hire various out and about pro and former college athletes to endorse it. Show gay couples in ads like some of the banks and insurance companies.
They have Natty Light, Michelob Light, Busch light, and could bring in their Beck's Premium Light, Cass Light, Keith's Light, KoKanee Light, Pacifica Light, Lakeport Light, and maybe others. I don't think they have US rights to Labatt Light or Modelo Light.
But there are plenty of products they could market to straights.
Bud light in the loafers
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