Posted on 02/11/2023 2:05:58 AM PST by where's_the_Outrage?
A 20-year-old young woman who dropped out of college decided to return to school after a year of working in her boyfriend’s family’s restaurant business. For the sake of her story, we’ll call her Jane.
Jane’s parents had set aside 30,000 dollars in a college tuition account for her. But instead, her parents used the money to remodel their kitchen after Jane moved in with her boyfriend, despite her parent’s advice not to.
When Jane realized what her parents had done, she was shocked and angry. She asked for access to her college tuition account. Still, her parents refused, citing their previous conversation where they explicitly stated that they would use the money for something else if she dropped out of college.
Jane’s parents advised her to attend a cheaper college or work part-time while attending school to help pay for her tuition. Additionally, her mother has offered to help her financially.
Still, the father is hesitant as they are approaching retirement age and a little behind on their retirement goals. The father has also offered to let Jane stay at their house for free so she can focus on paying for college.
However, Jane has been ignoring her mother’s phone calls, and the father is now questioning if he is the jerk in the situation. Here is how the internet responded to his concern.
It’s a Costly Lesson
“This situation is harsh on your daughter, but you’re not the jerk,” one explained. “She decided to drop out, and with that came you telling her that you’d use the remaining college fund money for something else.
I also presume that at the time of her dropping out, she presented her decision as permanent since she said that college wasn’t for her, meaning that you don’t know how long Jane would’ve taken to return to college if she had gone back at all.
‘But I thought you were bluffing’ is an inadequate response. You don’t get to use that line when making a life-changing decision and are given conditions by the people financing you. She just learned a costly lesson.” Another agreed, “That was a gift, and she didn’t use it, and her way of responding to the situation shows how ungrateful she is.”
You’re the Jerk
“You spent all 30k on a kitchen remodel? That’s not a retirement goal; she only took a year off. Have you spent all of it already? You’re the jerk for not having the foresight or consideration that she might regret the boyfriend thing and spending the money that quickly.
Many kids make mistakes during college, mainly because it was just a year off. You didn’t need to jump to use that money. I get she made a choice and the mistake over a boy, but you could have been a safety net for her.
Parents are supposed to account for the fact that kids make stupid mistakes and choices. But instead, you took it as an opportunity to make sure she couldn’t bounce back quickly over something cosmetic and superficial, and you did it quickly. Which is gross.”
Not Compassionate
“You’re the jerk. You saved for your daughter’s education for 18 years, yet you didn’t hesitate to put the money to other uses the moment she diverted from a traditional education path. If you genuinely meant the money for her education, you could have held it for her in case she returned to school.
Parents now are supposed to pay for the kiddies college so they can be indoctrinated into wokism and then they are supposed to have to pay for Bridezilla type weddings that probably will end in divorce. LOL
I thinking you are wrong.
It wasn’t a dowry.
Furthermore I say the parents have every right to put conditions on the ir children spending the parents’ money; such as refusing to finance degrees unlikely to result in gainful employment.Also to lead a personlly responsible life avoiding all addictions.
LOL! I can tell. The enemedia still has a mad-on for it. :-)
It’s the parents money.
I am sure there is more to the story than given, always is.
If the money came from somewhere else, a gift from other relatives or inheritance for the daughter then the parents actions are bad. However if they saved 30k, it’s their money not hers to do what they will with.
Even if they never warned her they would spend it elsewhere.
It seems they made it clear if she dropped out she was going to lose that money.. she also shacked up against their wishes.
She’s an adult, decisions have consequences… if she was well aware of her parents policy and chose to violate it, then she really has no one to blame but herself.
It’s the parents money.
I am sure there is more to the story than given, always is.
If the money came from somewhere else, a gift from other relatives or inheritance for the daughter then the parents actions are bad. However if they saved 30k, it’s their money not hers to do what they will with.
Even if they never warned her they would spend it elsewhere.
It seems they made it clear if she dropped out she was going to lose that money.. she also shacked up against their wishes.
She’s an adult, decisions have consequences… if she was well aware of her parents policy and chose to violate it, then she really has no one to blame but herself.
She doesn’t sound like the type for whom a loan would be a great investment. (Or $30K spent on her tuition either, for that matter.)
Sounds like Mom and Dad sized it up well and she’s good pay-as-you-go-and-mature material.
How was it possibly like a dowry?
There’s more to this story.
Why did the daughter drop out?
What was the boyfriend like?
Was she using drugs?
Many other variables...
As parents, we do not owe our children free college. When each of my four children were entering 9th grade, I explained that their high school grades were for them to get scholarships. That’s how they earned and paid for their college.
They all worked at the same time, even in high school. All but one were super successful, because of their own initiative.
The youngest one was babied by my ex wife and never had to be responsible, got into drugs and hung himself.
The parent’s said they would use the money for something other than for the daughter’s college if she dropped out. The daughter dropped out and the parent’s did what they had told her they would do. If the daughter won’t honor an agreement (contract) at age 20 she has problems. (IMO)
It’s the parents money not the kids.
Witnessed first hand how the “wanton” Child senerio works. A doctor couple had three daughters that were very bright and all were college bound but the middle girl, 17, decided he was going to move with BF to cali. Parents told here if she did, she wouldn’t have a bedroom to come back to. The day she left they called me to take out the wall between her bedroom and their exercise room and turn it into a small gym. Right at the end of the project she shows up, walks to her room and discovers she has no room anymore. I was there when she walked in the door of the room and even 30 years later I will never forget that broken, tearfilled look on her face. I knew her growing up so it broke my heart too. IF the parents give the kids a heads up as to the consequences of their actions and the kids still follow through, the resulting heartbreak and pain are not the parent’s fault. Btw...it did work out ok in the end. Oldest went off to college a month later and she moved off of the couch to the sister’s room. Needless to say, one of the very few times I’ve witnessed a “learning experience” that was actually learned from. She is a doctor now.
There is plenty a person should be able to do to improve a kitchen (or any room) with little or no outside help.
New flooring,painting ,refinishing or replacing cabinets,replacing appliances aren’t that difficult. When you hire it done you have to pay the workers’ wages and benefits,the contractor’s profit(so he can stay in business),the costs of materials (plus markup), and no doubt government fees.
Of course if you live in a place of nosy neighbors and inspectors it may be difficult to do your own work.
Additionally any changes in plumbing , gas lines, or electrial wiring MUST be done correctly.
In real estate the term is sweat equity. If you do it carefully your labor will replace hired labor saving a LOT of money.
I bet you are grateful for what you have now do to that experience and responsibility. That’s what gets me with todays kids and the entitlement. Of course, I’d rather see the government crack down on tuition, 63K a year for Cornell is insane, then this stupid pay back student loan crap.
She'll just end up back in a restaurant anyways?
Stories like this are bizarre to me. I don’t understand the thinking or the entitlement mentality.
My kids paid for their own college education. They lived at home and paid them off within a few years.
Yes, you can save in labor costs.
And you’d bloody well better have a permit.
For just about everything, including picayune stuff that has nothing to do with gas or electric.
But materials costs are still figured in as well as the value added.
We know folks who’ve done the sweat equity thing.
Their prop taxes skyrocketed. Now they’re trying to sell their homes and can’t because no buyer is willing to assume a high four to low five fig annual property tax.
On existing homes that are NOT McMansions.
That daughter may have made better use of that 30 K, especially if less of it would have gone to some bloody bureaucrats sucking off the government teat.
Excellent summation!!!!!
If Mom and Pop were behind on their retirement goals, why did they spend the money to remodel the flippin’ kitchen? Pop seems a bit confused.
For everyone jumping all over the kid, there a few very big facts missing from this:
What type of tuition account was it in? Was it in a 529-account, which is SPECIFICALLY TITLED FBO for the kid. For the benefit of.
Or was it a college pre-pay (not as likely)?
Second thing is was she the only child or could another family member use the money for qualified education purposes? If another family member could use that money, it had to be a better use of it.
If they liquidated a 529-account for her to pay for a kitchen remodel, that would mean the earnings above the contributions are taxable and carry penalties too.
Either way, just also remember that one day the parents might need some assistance down the line. and they’ve taken a short-term look and shouldn’t be surprised when their child brings this up.
Sounds like I’m in the minority here, but I was DAMN PROUD when my son started adult life with a very small amount of student debt. And now he’s a remarkably responsible, well-mannered young man turning into a successful business owner.
People make bad choices, who knew!
$30k for a kitchen remodel...hmmm. I bought my first house for less than that, and that was less than 10 years ago. I did a total remodel of the kitchen (which was outfitted circa 1950) and spent maybe $5k. Would’ve been more but the old sink was worth $1200 to the antique plumbing aficionado. House is probably good for $150-200k, and I keep it for sentimental reasons and convenience when I’m in the neighborhood. I might retire when I’m 30.
A lot depends on the region, both for property and college, but if you’re up in years why live in a high-tax state and overpay for a new kitchen? Well maybe at “retirement age” you have good reasons. The same can’t be said for the daughter, trying to put it on your tab, $30k for a year (?) in college. Which shouldn’t cost more than it’s worth which is often zilch. Inexpensive quality homes and educations are out there, open your eyes.
Meanwhile, you made the money, she didn’t.
To their future heiress I would say, be patient, make your own money, and take nothing from your parents — except advice. That is the complete secret to retiring at 30.
P.S.: Just a thought, parents: maybe you should do the bathroom instead. Elder-friendly bathrooms improve the property value like magic! And if you don’t move...you’re gonna need that accessibility. The wide door, the wheel-in shower or walk-in tub, all that, it’s gold.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.