Posted on 02/11/2023 2:05:58 AM PST by where's_the_Outrage?
A 20-year-old young woman who dropped out of college decided to return to school after a year of working in her boyfriend’s family’s restaurant business. For the sake of her story, we’ll call her Jane.
Jane’s parents had set aside 30,000 dollars in a college tuition account for her. But instead, her parents used the money to remodel their kitchen after Jane moved in with her boyfriend, despite her parent’s advice not to.
When Jane realized what her parents had done, she was shocked and angry. She asked for access to her college tuition account. Still, her parents refused, citing their previous conversation where they explicitly stated that they would use the money for something else if she dropped out of college.
Jane’s parents advised her to attend a cheaper college or work part-time while attending school to help pay for her tuition. Additionally, her mother has offered to help her financially.
Still, the father is hesitant as they are approaching retirement age and a little behind on their retirement goals. The father has also offered to let Jane stay at their house for free so she can focus on paying for college.
However, Jane has been ignoring her mother’s phone calls, and the father is now questioning if he is the jerk in the situation. Here is how the internet responded to his concern.
It’s a Costly Lesson
“This situation is harsh on your daughter, but you’re not the jerk,” one explained. “She decided to drop out, and with that came you telling her that you’d use the remaining college fund money for something else.
I also presume that at the time of her dropping out, she presented her decision as permanent since she said that college wasn’t for her, meaning that you don’t know how long Jane would’ve taken to return to college if she had gone back at all.
‘But I thought you were bluffing’ is an inadequate response. You don’t get to use that line when making a life-changing decision and are given conditions by the people financing you. She just learned a costly lesson.” Another agreed, “That was a gift, and she didn’t use it, and her way of responding to the situation shows how ungrateful she is.”
You’re the Jerk
“You spent all 30k on a kitchen remodel? That’s not a retirement goal; she only took a year off. Have you spent all of it already? You’re the jerk for not having the foresight or consideration that she might regret the boyfriend thing and spending the money that quickly.
Many kids make mistakes during college, mainly because it was just a year off. You didn’t need to jump to use that money. I get she made a choice and the mistake over a boy, but you could have been a safety net for her.
Parents are supposed to account for the fact that kids make stupid mistakes and choices. But instead, you took it as an opportunity to make sure she couldn’t bounce back quickly over something cosmetic and superficial, and you did it quickly. Which is gross.”
Not Compassionate
“You’re the jerk. You saved for your daughter’s education for 18 years, yet you didn’t hesitate to put the money to other uses the moment she diverted from a traditional education path. If you genuinely meant the money for her education, you could have held it for her in case she returned to school.
My parents saved for my brother’s college. When he didn’t go to college that money became my college fund. When I dropped out of college within the first quarter of attending and came home, that money went into remodeling the house of which one portion was to change my room from a childlike room into an adult guest bedroom.
I went back to my old job and got it back on the spot.
And I started attending a local college taking basic courses that I would need for any degree I would pursue in life. English, maths, biology, chemistry, etc. I paid for those courses as I went along. Some semesters getting unclaimed scholarships based on merit when the quarter ended.
The money I saved through merit and rent paid to my parents(they saved it) eventually helped pay for first apartment and new furniture for it.
That college fund my parents had was not MY money.
It astounds me that society has made it seem like it’s the parents responsibility to pay for college education. We went to those college financial seminars and almost every time they made it seem like it was the parents responsibility to pay. Ha! I have four kids (three college age at the time). They’re out of their minds. They wanted us co-sign on loans too. Forget that nonsense.
I think the parents will have a tax bill as well.
HA HA HA! Entitled brat!
It depends. My house was 168,000 in 2010. Kitchen remodel was 20K(done in 2015). House is worth 345K today.
The kitchen and bathrooms tend to be major attractions to buyers. Maybe the parents are planning to sell the home and move.
Either way, the daughter left college and moved in with her boyfriend. Legally, that could be considered “a marriage” in many circumstances..Let the boyfriend pay for her tuition (see how fast he leaves the scene)
Probably a brainwashed ingrate.
Her moving in with her boyfriend against there wishes is reason enough to not give her the money.
I went to junior college (when they were decent)..lived at home...had oddball jobs.then finished off at a major university...No financial parental support...I wouldn’t take it since my older siblings all paid their own way through college.
Had oddball jobs at university, got a govt loan(all paid back) and lived in garages...ate chicken, rice, peanut butter, and cheap hamburger...cooked with toaster oven and hot plate...life was good.
The "jerk" response is to argue that the parents are somehow wrong for penalizing covenant breaking fornicators who lack the diligence to complete college, while the parents should be Christians and leading their daughter into the faith, and encouraging the daughter to get married to a hardworking honest man and have and raise children - that being the normative role of the women for which she is uniquely fitted to do - rather than being another contracepted fornicator seduced by college into being a proabortion, prohomosexual, victim-entitlement promoting liberal. If a Christian does go to college, he must go as a missionary, as well as a good student.
I don’t think that taking a year off, or even a few years off, from school is necessarily a bad thing. I think a lot of young people aren’t sure what they want right out of high school. Better to take a few years off to figure it out, than to pay for expensive schooling that you will never use. Although her parents do have the right to withdraw their offer, I believe they were far too hasty.
She should be grateful for even a penny.
“What’s not specifically mentioned here is that it was NOT the daughter’s money,”
That was going to be my first question: Who earned the money?
Dad and Mom did. She needs to get a scholarship, or two jobs, etc., like many of us did. The concept of parents footing the bill for their kids’ higher education is crazy.
When I was in college I didn’t know anyone like that. Everyone was working.
Hmmm... those are interesting statistics.
You’re right. In some states that would be a Common Law Marriage. Let “Hubby” cough up the dollars.
We raised out three kids in a largely original 1952 four bedroom, 1,600 sq ft ranch house. Everything was original. It had good bones, but very leaky windows, no insulation, bad roof, etc. We did a lot of upgrades along the way, but the kitchen was very worn out. One burner on the stove worked, bad Formica, bad fridge, dirty worn linoleum. It was gross. About ten years before retirement, we gutted it and rebuilt it figuring we wanted a nice kitchen after the last of the kids moved out. Fortunately we didn’t have to use a wayward child’s college fund to do it.
My point is you don’t know their situation. Would the old kitchen have worked in retirement? In our case, yes, but it reached the point where it was just gross and depressing.
I’m going to try to diagram that sentence - LOL!
And you are right in all you said.
We live in NYS.
A remodel here causes your property taxes to soar.
So we’ve gotten quite comfy with gross and depressing.
I’m thinking the 30k was like a dowry so the Dad was wrong.
We are in California, so we are protected by Proposition 13. We didn’t add on any square footage or move any walls, so it didn’t affect our Property taxes.
Prop 13 is about the only thing this state has done right.
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