Posted on 02/01/2023 10:43:23 AM PST by sodpoodle
I have seen this many times before, but it never fails to bring a smile to my face. Maybe THAT'S my problen.
What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress - $5,000. Tux rental - $100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Two pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes - one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache... You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier!
NICKNAMES: If Laura, Kate, and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba, and Wild Man.
EATING OUT: When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY: A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
BATHROOMS: A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel. The average number of items in the typical womans' bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS: A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE: A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
MARRIAGE: A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP: A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL: Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING: Ah, children! A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears, and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY.: A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing! Send this to the women who have a sense of humor and to the men who will enjoy reading it.
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A man stocks his refrigerator in much the same way he stocks his bathroom.
Men Are Just Happier People!
Is that after the marriage or before?.... : )
There are two kinds of people—those who see half full glasses and those who see half empty glasses.
It is kinda easy to spot who is who....
ā You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.ā
Gas station? Thatās what dirt roads are for
Then there are those who notice that there's urine in the glass.
True, except that some people pretend to be a lot nicer than they actually are until they get what they want. And then they change.
One “trick” my parents taught me about dating.
Take a woman to a restaurant.
Watch how she treats the restaurant staff.
That is how she will treat you after five years of marriage!
Exception to this Rule: A hardware store or other spot of particular interest than a man becomes like a woman in a jewelry store and looks at everything.
My husband likes the grocery store. He’ll sometimes come home with something I’ve never seen before - he just saw it and thought it might be nice...
He’s not a fan of department stores, though, unless we’re looking for something specific he needs; and then he’ll never buy it because he doesn’t like the price.
I wish my parents had given me that kind of advice.
Why would he refrigerate toilet paper?
I prefer mine room temperature.
Yep. My wife runs the house lock, stock and barrel. From finances to kids, cooking to cleaning. All of it. I go to work and provide the funds for her to make this thing run like a swiss watch. It works.
š¤£ True
Are we married? š
Iām not understanding this left-handed problem with tightening nuts. The nut tightens when you turn it clockwise regardless of whether you are right handed or left handed. Why is this a problem?
My oldest son is in his 30ās. For his entire life, he will be left handed for a few months and he suddenly switches to being right handed. And a few months later he will switch back. Heās never aware the switch has occurred. I watch for it because itās fascinating.
When heās left handed his right hand is totally clumsy. And vice versa. So heās not ambidextrous.
A neurologist told me thatās impossible. But he found out itās true.
i should have seperated ethat. i held all three shortly after they were born. The two i read two was when they came home.
I was just yoking.;-)
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