Posted on 11/28/2022 1:13:51 PM PST by sodpoodle
Funny Quotes About Aging "Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter." - Mark Twain
"You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." - Bob Hope
"Children are a great comfort in your old age, and they help you reach it faster, too." - Lionel Kauffman
"The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good spit it out." - Anonymous
"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened." - Jennifer Yane
"Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere." - George Burns
"Old age comes at a bad time." - San Banducci
Aging Quotes That Will Have You Gasping For Air "As you get older, the pickings get slimmer, but the people don't." - Carrie Fisher
"I think age is a very high price to pay for maturity." - Tom Stoppard
"You know you're getting old when everything hurt. And what doesn't hurt doesn't work." - Hy Gardner
"Respect old people. They graduated school without Google or Wikipedia." - Unknown
"Youth is wasted on the young." - George Bernard Shaw
"If Shaw and Einstein couldn't beat death, what chance have I got? Practically none." - Mel Brooks
"Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough." - Groucho Marx
These Aging Quotes Will Have You Laughing For Days "I stay away from natural foods. At my age, I need all the preservatives I can get." - George Burns
"Middle age: Later than you think and sooner than you expect." - Earl Wilson
"We are young only once, after that we need some other excuse." - Anonymous
"I'm like old wine. They don't bring me out very often, but I'm well preserved." - Rose Kennedy
"Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to." - Bill Vaughan
"Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you." - Ogden Nash
QUOTES FUNNY AGING
Jack Lalanne originated “if it tastes good, spit it out.”
If you eat right, don’t drink or smoke, get plenty of rest and exercise, you get eight more years in an old folk’s home.
“Never regret growing old; it’s a privilege denied to many.”
I don’t know who came up with that one.
When my dad had a stroke, we were looking into getting a lift chair.
Doc’s office was against, it because they wanted him putting as much effort into standing as possible.
Eventually he ordered one anyway.
I’m currently looking at a replacement for my recliner, if I can’t fix it.
And I’m seriously considering a lift chair.
Not that I need one, but I think...
What if I pull a muscle in my back? (Hasn’t happened since my 20’s.)
What if I get sick with Covid or the flu and just need some help?
The older you get, the more you should read the Bible. You know, cramming for the final.
Or looking for loopholes.
I use this one often:
“It’s not the age. It’s the mileage.”
-Indiana Jones
Our dishwasher broke, and I had my 28 year old son do the dishes while we await the replacement.
After he washed a sink full of dishes, he asked me, “Is this how you washed dishes in the olden times?”
LOL yeah, yeah it is!
Paraphrasing Johnny Carson attribution:
“I once knew a man who ate right, didn’t smoke, didn’t drink, didn’t chase women and was happy right up to the time he blew his brains out.”
When one is 10, one year is a 10% of your life.
When you’re 50, it’s 2%.
By the time one is 100, it’s 1%.
No wonder it goes so quickly as we age.
W. C. Fields quote:
As the end approached, on that Christmas Day in 1946, an old writer-friend named Gene Fowler entered the hospital room and there was Fields, a self-admitted agnostic, thumbing through a Bible.
“What are you doing, Bill?” asked the incredulous Fowler.
“I’m looking for loopholes,” Fields whispered.
Aging is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes.
“We’re too soon old and too late smart’’. German proverb.
“40 is the old age of youth and 50 is the youth of old age’’.- Victor Hugo.
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