Merritt's chili.
Merritt's chili.
i’ve heard of chocolate again and again....So I eat my chili...and an hour later devour the Chocolate...mmmmm good..
Looks good. If chili doesn’t have beans and onions as well, then it’s useless.
My secret to homemade chili is to cheat and put a canned chili in it.
https://www.casichili.net/guide-1st-time-cook.html
Rules are rules.
My signature chili is with smoked Brisket, slow and low.
This deserves a retelling.
“Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge’s table, asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in… I was assured by the other two judges (Native New Mexicans) that the chili wouldn’t be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge 3.”
Here are the scorecard notes from the event:
CHILI # 1 – MIKE’S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI
Judge # 1 — A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 — Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) — Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that’s the worst one. These New Mexicans are crazy.
CHILI # 2 – EL RANCHO’S AFTERBURNER CHILI
Judge # 1 — Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 — Exciting BBQflavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 — Keep this out of the reach of children. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.
CHILI # 3 – ALFREDO’S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI
Judge # 1 — Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
Judge # 2 — A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 — Call the EPA. I’ve located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I’m getting red-faced from all of the beer.
CHILI # 4=2 0- BUBBA’S BLACK MAGIC
Judge # 1 — Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 — Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 — I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. Woman is starting to look HOT … Just like this nuclear waste I’m eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?
CHILI # 5 – LISA’S LEGAL LIP REMOVER
Judge # 1 — Meaty, strong chili. Jalapeno peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 — Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the jalapeno peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 — My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I’m burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming.
CHILI # 6 – VARGA’S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY
Judge # 1 — Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 — The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 — My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I’m worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can’t feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.
CHILI # 7 – SUSAN’S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI
Judge # 1 — A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 — Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment **I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 — You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn’t feel a thing. I’ve lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they’ll know what killed me. I’ve decided to stop breathing. It’s too painful. I’m not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I’ll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
CHILI # 8 – BIG TOM’S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI
Judge # 1 — The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 — This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he’s going to make it. Poor fella, wonder how he’d have reacted to really hot chili?
Judge # 3 — No report.
I add honey as my secret ingredient. Sweetens the chili to offset the acidity of the tomatoes, but it’s not as overpowering sweetness as just adding sugar or other sweeteners.
“in Arkansas, they like chili with ketchup.’
Blasphemy.
No beans.
Add dark beer, chocolate, honey and enough hot peppers to sting at first taste, then the sweet hits followed by the hint of chocolate.
Now I’m hungry.
The Office’s Brian Baumgartner’s Chili recipe book is great!
Grape jelly, ketchup? What is wrong with thos areas?
What next, pickled herring for a NYC chili?
no damn beans! you may serve beans on the side
I have won tx chili cookoffs
My ex-mo-in-law won a chili cook off and it was made with ground turkey. Not sure of the detail, if they knew it was turkey or if it was a special class for turkey etc. I’ve eaten it and it was good. She’s a good cook in general.
The ex-wife never caught on. Her style of cooking is grab a box from the freezer and nuke the contents. Her eating preference is Burger King, whopper.
bkmk
Only men can make chili… except for the San Antonio chili queens of the 1920s.
My secret? First, fry up bacon. Take out the strips and drain on a paper towel. Fry up your meat in the bacon fat, then drain that.
Whatever liquids are called for. I use beer.
Winning Chili every time.
And no elbow macaroni! Yeesh! That’s not Chili, it’s Goulash!
Our chili has leftover grilled steak, lots of bell peppers, onions and corn, black beans, kidney beans, diced tomatoes, a mild chili seasoning packet, and a couple tablespoons of barbecue sauce. That fed the kids a healthy meal almost once a week for years.
I use the Two-Alarm chili kit plus a gouple lbs of ground beef, a can of hot Rotel diced tomatoes, a jar of hot Pace salsa, a half dozen jalapenos, and 2 cans of dark red kidney beans (7th generation Texan here). Good stuff. Makes me fart like a plow mule.
I've got nothing against Texans but I really don't care what their opinion is on chili, the only one that matters is mine. I'm the same with their mediocre BBQ, it really doesn't matter what they think about it. Much better BBQ comes off my smoker than anything I've tasted from Texas.