"Hello, Ball!"
Posted on 10/10/2022 12:58:01 PM PDT by sodpoodle
LAW 1:
No matter how bad your last shot was, you should have Inner Peace knowing that a shittier one is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.
LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.
LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water. Expensive clubs have been known to be partly made with this most unusual natural alloy.
LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.
LAW 5: The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.
LAW 6: A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS agent -- or some similar combination.
LAW 7: All 3-woods are demon-possessed. Your Mother in Law does not come close.
LAW 8: Golf balls from the same "sleeve" tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water. See LAW 3.
LAW 9: The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.
LAW 10: Golf should be given up at least twice per month.
LAW 11: All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the sunset.
LAW 12: Since bad shots come in groups of three, your fourth consecutive bad shot is really the beginning of the next group of three.
LAW 13: If it isn't broke, try changing your grip.
LAW 14: It's surprisingly easy to hole a 50-foot putt when you lie 8.
(THIS is how the one-handed putting started!)
LAW 15: Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.
LAW 16: Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.
LAW 17: It's not a gimme if you're still 4 feet away.
LAW 18: The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.
LAW 19: You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10% of the time, and a 2-inch branch 90% of the time.
LAW 20: Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make a double or triple bogey to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.
LAW 21: If you want to hit a 7-iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try to use it to lay up just short of a water hazard.
LAW 22: There are two things you can learn by stopping your backswing at the top and checking the position of your hands: (i) how many hands you have, and (ii) which one is wearing the glove.
LAW 23: A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.
LAW 24: Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.
Oh my gosh...😆😆😆😆👍👍👍💯💯💯💯
I love 💋💋💋💖💖💖 this post
Im a golfer
💗💋💗💋💗💋💯
I like it.
“There’s no such thing as an ‘old Joke’ if you’ve never heard it before.” - Groucho Marx.......................
Why are YOU on this thread?
"Hello, Ball!"
I always look at sodpoodle’s jokes!................😜
The last time someone hit into me, I hit it right back to him.
I do, too.
“...LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic...”
Playing a work league match, I had a shot over water about 160 yards to the green...As I was getting ready to hit, one of my opponents said “Why don’t you hit an old ball?”
I just looked back down, swung and hit my shot about 5 yards short into the water...I looked over to my opponent and said “I can’t keep any balls long enough for them to get old...”
😂 thanks for posting, sodpoodle,
The same opponent in my #10 post was getting ready to putt...
His partner was next to me and started saying something to me...
The putter backed away and said to us, “I’m so sorry that my putting is interfering with your talking...”
We both sheepishly apologized....
Thanks...
Watching Carlucci from my frequent foursome, what I learned is do not throw another club at the club already stuck in a tall tree. Yap, his 2nd club got stuck up there as well.
This same golfer, half Italian and hald pollack, had a temper. One time he missed a short chip, stubbing it. He got mad and hit his golf bag hard with the club. That broke the head off from the club shaft. Later on he pulls out another club from his shaft and it was bent from his hitting the golf bag.
But we had a great time playing every Sunday morning at Glen Eagles golf course in Chicago burbs, where we had reserved time at 7 am. It is a better class of public golf course and tee times were tough to get. Each 4 of us had to give the golf course $500 at beginning of season. They used that money for our green fees until used up. Any no show still had to pay the greens fee.
#25. The game is called golf because all the other four letter words were already in use.
From the words of Tin Cup...
“Well, you talk like a golfer.”
That is why I always wandered off into the rough to find balls I could afford to lose.
IMHO, the best golf humor book is:
Here's a link to buy it:
Official Exceptions to the Rules of Golf
Each exception is numbered, has a title and sub-title, and is described in detail. A couple of titles (sub-title):
Exception 1 Revisional Ball (Mulligan)
Exception 10 Agreement to re-tee (Mass Mulligan)
Exception 11 Expendable Ball (Going for it on Doglegs)
Exception 33 Unnecessary Rough (Free Kick)
Exception 35 Ball Hit Slightly Out-of-Bounds (Just a little over the line)
Exception 45 Experimental Shot (Blind Stab)
I found a really nice 2 iron stuck in the crotch of a tree. I assumed the owner got really mad at the club ( not his swing of course ). After a few years I returned it to the exact same tree.
Tin Cup was under appreciated. It should have won an Oscar.
I just watched recently. A young Phil Michaelson, along with several other pros, made cameo appearances.
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