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We Asked 1,000 Christian Women What They Want In A Spouse - Here Are The Top Responses
The Babylon Bee ^ | June 30, 2022 | The Babylon Bee

Posted on 07/03/2022 12:57:51 PM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Are you a single loser? Are you also a man? Love scientists with The Babylon Bee talked with 1000 actual real-live women and uncovered ten things Christian women are looking for in a man. Only you have the power to mold yourself into the ultimate man and win her heart.

Consider embodying one of these amazing qualities:

  1. Boaz: If you are Boaz then you can stop reading this list right now. MMM, Boaz...
  2. A man with the body of Henry Cavil and the brains of C.S. Lewis: This is the whole package!
  3. A believer in the patriarchy who will provide for her and free her from the shackles of corporate America: Also see, Boaz.
  4. A guy who doesn't want to have sex with you and then murder the child: This is a pretty important one.
  5. A godly man who loves kids and puppies and is over 6' tall and muscular and really tan with fertile seed: This is the kind of man who will give her the freedom to be in the kitchen barefoot and pregnant like she's always wanted.
  6. A guy with a completed AWANA vest: The only way to know he's truly godly. Boaz had one of these.
  7. A dude who never complains about casseroles: Bonus points for loving burnt meatloaf.
  8. A man who will wake her up at 4 a.m. to read the King James Bible to her: NIV readers need not apply.
  9. Somebody who can open pickle jars and reach things on high shelves: Better get jacked, nerds!
  10. A guy who can fold a fitted sheet: Dreamy! Just like MyPillow Giza Dream Sheets.

(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...


TOPICS: Health/Medicine; Humor; Religion; Society
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; christians; men; satire; stupido; women
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To: KevinB

I am definitely closer to being Mary Ann vs Ginger. Like many other teenagers at the time, I was awkward and didn’t have much self-confidence regarding my “attractiveness”. I think my Mama just wanted me not to be broken-hearted over the first guy (or second or third guy) I liked. It was her way of helping me understand that I was “valuable” and “worthy” and should take my time choosing a partner. The right guy would come along eventually, and he did. I’m very blessed!


61 posted on 07/03/2022 2:59:05 PM PDT by FamiliarFace (I wish “smart resume” would work for the real world so I could FF through the Burden admin BS.)
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To: BDParrish

Right. My mistake. For years I was the one who heard the kids’ memorization in my dad’s church. Nothing like learning Scripture as a child; it sticks forever.


62 posted on 07/03/2022 3:02:50 PM PDT by MayflowerMadam (Joe Biden has been protected by assault weapons his entire adult life. )
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To: FamiliarFace

You had a good mama. I never got one piece of advice from either of my parents about anything. I somehow managed to turn out okay, but it would have been nice to have some guidance from an adult I trusted along the way (not that I would have trusted any advice either of my parents gave me. :-))


63 posted on 07/03/2022 3:08:36 PM PDT by KevinB (''...and to the Banana Republic for which it stands ...")
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To: KevinB

Lol, I get you. And yes, my Mama was the best!


64 posted on 07/03/2022 3:16:36 PM PDT by FamiliarFace (I wish “smart resume” would work for the real world so I could FF through the Burden admin BS.)
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To: DoodleBob

I forgot thirdly...that’s TWO women! So, not only does a man have kill something, drag it home and cook it, but he has to fold a fitted sheet BY HIMSELF. WHEN IT TAKES TWO WOMEN!
What’s even the point?! It either goes on the bed or it gets crumpled up and tossed in a drawer. End of argument. (Yes, I’m sleeping alone on the sofa...again.)


65 posted on 07/03/2022 3:33:30 PM PDT by Gen.Blather (Wait! I said that out loud. Sorry. )
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To: MayflowerMadam

I was in Bible Memory Association and the women who heard my verses became the dearest dearest in my whole life!!


66 posted on 07/03/2022 3:59:12 PM PDT by BDParrish (God called, He said He'd take you back!)
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To: gitmo

I mastered that one. Amazes my wife.


67 posted on 07/03/2022 4:16:14 PM PDT by D Rider ( )
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To: Clemenza

Bullies and control freaks are zetas masquerading as alphas.

A true alpha asks and his woman complies, because he puts her first in all his decisions.

Mine does. He asks for very little and gives much. When he does ask, I’m happy to give.

Happily his wife for almost 30 years and still mad crazy in love.


68 posted on 07/03/2022 4:38:43 PM PDT by TheWriterTX (Trust not in earthly princes....!)
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To: Harmless Teddy Bear

Able Workmen Are Not Ashamed
Sort of like Boy Scouts, in Evangelical Church setting


69 posted on 07/03/2022 4:50:09 PM PDT by Honest Nigerian
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To: Clemenza

My husband was not necessarily a bad boy in his youth, but he definitely had a wild side. Worked hard, drank his fill, raced motorcycles and came home bloody from sports.

When he played, he played to win.

By the time we met, he had matured into a rock-solid alpha male with a different goal in mind - to find the right woman to start his family. Someone who was smart, successful, feminine without being weak, and faithful.

I wanted a warrior. Someone who knew when to fight and how to fight, if needed. Someone who could fix things and carry on a conversation. Someone who could be just as comfortable on the lake fishing as they were in a dance club. Someone who was hardworking and faithful.

Match made in Heaven.


70 posted on 07/03/2022 4:54:46 PM PDT by TheWriterTX (Trust not in earthly princes....!)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
They’ll respond to assholes and bad boys, but it’s as Jeff Foxworthy says, they’ll be the ones hanging out the doors of their trailer homes yelling for the police.

That's because young women are biologically programmed to reproduce and "bad boys" are more likely to pursue them aggressively for a roll in the hay. It's the reason there are so many black women with multiple kids by different fathers who are nowhere to be found. Nature doesn't program them to want to mate with men who will be successful in the modern world, it programs them to want to get pregnant by aggressive men. The smart ones will use their head and seek out higher value men, but to do that they're going against their DNA. That's why there are so many living in trailers like in Jeff Foxworthy's joke. Humans are creatures of our DNA guided instinct no matter how much we try to overrule it. Just like a dog is going to act like a dog no matter how much you train him, a woman is going to be attracted to what her instincts tell her, not what's necessarily good for her. It's the reason marriages in traditional cultures have been arranged by family members, kind of like a farmer selects for desired traits in his livestock. The family usually didn't want any trash brought into it that they'd have to support along with their less than desirable kids. Today with the modern hook-up culture all bets are off.

71 posted on 07/03/2022 4:58:00 PM PDT by GaryCrow
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To: KevinB

I was the ugly duckling that hit my swan years in my 20s.

I became very picky after pouring my heart and soul into my high school jag-off who wasn’t worth half the grief he caused me.

I wasn’t going to waste my time again. Thankfully, God brought my husband into my life and I’ve been very happily married ever since.


72 posted on 07/03/2022 5:01:22 PM PDT by TheWriterTX (Trust not in earthly princes....!)
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To: Jonty30
What women often say what they want, in terms a beta husband are at odds of what they respond to when they are in the presence of an alpha male.

Funny, but most men who think of themselves as 'alpha' and act as though they are are kind of pathetic and laughable losers.

73 posted on 07/03/2022 5:01:43 PM PDT by neverevergiveup
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To: Clemenza

Until they need to be saved or financed


74 posted on 07/03/2022 5:05:26 PM PDT by keving (We the government )
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To: neverevergiveup

I mean those who are in the top 20% desirability, not the Squiggy’s of the world.


75 posted on 07/03/2022 5:07:44 PM PDT by Jonty30 (Are vegetarian real vegetarian burgers or just fake meat?)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

What does a man want in a woman

Beautiful and not mentally unbalanced

It’s not complicated


76 posted on 07/03/2022 5:09:04 PM PDT by wardaddy (Tis a dark road western civilization is careening down self righteously drunk obsessive over racism )
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To: D Rider

I taught MY wife!


77 posted on 07/03/2022 5:25:20 PM PDT by egfowler3 (Still a Deplorable, a Christian 'Infidel', an American patriot & 'a vast right-wing conspirator')
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To: Nifster

I never burn meatloaf because that culinary atrocity will never be placed on my table.

I wouldn’t eat meatloaf if I could.

BLECH!!!!


78 posted on 07/03/2022 5:29:19 PM PDT by metmom (...fixing our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith…)
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To: heavy metal

Hahaha ha 😅😅😅😅. My philosophy as well, until I met a woman who actually wanted my “hard to want” attitude. I’m sunk, FRiend! It’s been a wonderful 25 years 😁👍


79 posted on 07/03/2022 5:31:05 PM PDT by Spacetrucker (George Washington didn't use his freedom of speech to defeat the British - HE SHOT THEM .. WITH GUNS)
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To: TheWriterTX
Thankfully, God brought my husband into my life and I’ve been very happily married ever since.

Very glad to hear. I found a winner myself on the second try. Based on my experience, having a good marriage is the best way to go through life. Also based on my experience, having a bad marriage is the worst way to go through life. :-) I've made sure to teach my kids that who one marries is the biggest decision of one's life.

80 posted on 07/03/2022 5:55:00 PM PDT by KevinB (''...and to the Banana Republic for which it stands ...")
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