Posted on 06/13/2022 1:26:40 PM PDT by Twotone
In light of the January 6th hearings, we felt it was prudent to provide a detailed timeline of that fateful day to refresh your memory. We put our best historians and hackers on the project so we could bring you the most accurate and classified details yet.
Here is the official timeline of those terrifying events on January 6, 2021:
6:03 AM — President Trump wakes up at his regular time and crushes his usual 45-minute HIIT workout.
6:30 AM — VP Mike Pence wakes up grumpy with a serious case of "the Wednesdays."
6:50 AM — President and First Lady enjoy breakfast of Sausage Egg McMuffins with ketchup.
7:00 AM — Mike Pence does his daily Bible reading in Habakkuk. Repents of his earlier grumpiness.
8:06 AM — Trump tweets, "Sleepy Eyes Chuck Todd has never eaten at Arby's! Sad!"
8:30 AM — Joint chiefs of staff sit down to play a game of Risk Legacy. Gen Mark Milley is later declared victor.
9:00 AM — Trump tweets, "They just found 50,000 ballots last night. But they won't accept the 100,000 I just found under the couch. RIGGED!"
9:02 AM — Trump tweets, "Why would a Sith cultist leave clues to find something he already knew the location of? Blade of Ochi was a bad idea. Terrible movie!"
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
If only. If only.
AOC is the new South Park Kenny.
LOL Good call!
True:
1:45 PM — FBI successfully breaches Capitol.
Sadly, not true:
11:32 AM — AOC dies tragically in a coal mining accident.
1:05 PM — House Speaker Pelosi bangs her gavel to call Congress to order. She accidentally strikes AOC, who dies.
4:21 PM — AOC dies tragically after strangling herself while trying to tie her shoes.
11:37 PM — AOC dies.
More people will read this than watch the Liz, Adam, and AOCKenny show.
AOC is the new Southpark Kenny.
AOC died 4 times that day.
I was smiling wildly as I finished reading.
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